"That Santa is out in front of The Friendly Center," announced Ned on the phone. The Friendly Center is this outdoor shopping place that's probably been around since the '50s, and they keep adding elaborate stores like Apple and Anthropologie. Every Christmas, they put the same big waving Santa statue out that Ned remembers from his childhood.
"Well, it's that time of year, Ned. Are you headed for The Friendly Center?" There's a good diamond store there, local, that sells vintage rings.
Oh, June, give it up.
"Yes. I'm going to buy pants. My buttons are just barely hanging on for dear life. Bless their hearts," said Ned. Since that whole broken neck/bulging disk thing, he's been advised not to exercise, a thing that normally would not stop him but he literally cannot do a damn thing with that pain he has. He hates it, and thinks he's Enormous Flores, which is a whole nother story.
(A guy I knew was good friends with the receptionist at work, and they hated this other woman named Delores Flores. The receptionist used to page her really fast and would secretly page her as Enormous Flores. The only one who really heard it was my bitchy guy friend.)
"You know, one way you could manage your weight during this nonworkout-y time is to limit your drinking," I smugged, biting into my mashed potatoes.
"Yeah, so anyway..." said Ned.
"Ned, your poor liver. The Phantom of the Opera's organ got less of a workout than that organ of yours."
"My organ's looking at the Phantom's organ saying, 'I WISH I had it that easy,'" said Ned. You can always get him to warn to a ludicrous idea. "My liver is waiting for a James Brown cape; it doesn't know if it can go on."
We hung up soon after, and Ned no doubt went out to eat and ordered beer with dinner.
In the meantime, I spent 39445949393 hours making my 10-year video. I asked what else I can do, but dear god, can't I just dedicate the next 14 nights to this video as I know I will and say, hey, I've blogged for 10 years. The end? Can't I just do that? I'm the last woman standing, for god's sake. Everyone else has left the building.
Here are some photos that likely won't make the cut. If I change my mind and you see them in this infernal video on December 15, please to ignore please.
Maybe for my 10-year anniversary I can catch the scent of all your bosoms. Of your exquisite perfume. I love how he has a specific perfume, and remind me to never buy any Clinique Elixir.
Sadly, that was one of the more tame messages I got. How come you never met anyone when you were broken up from Ned, Jooon?
Today is my favorite kind of a day--windy, dramatically windy, and warm. I can't wait to go outside and watch everything, likely get hit in the face with a tree.
Oh, also, if when you're watching my damn 10-year video, you note I didn't include EVERY GODDAMN ANIMAL, you can sue me. Lu, Eds, Lily, Iris, def all will be in there. Roger, Anderson, Violet, Lottie, Ava, Stanley, Ruby, Winston, Henry? I don't know that they can all make the cut, okay?
Okay, of course Lottie will. And Hen. Henry never took a bad picture. (If you just got here, Henry was my cat in 2009--lost him in the divorce. Marvin still has him and he's a magnificent cat.)
First picture I ever took of him, and enough said.
Oh, hell, I better go. I'm glad we had this talk. Remind me to tell you how my boss's boss said I wasn't funny. The one who gave me the eagle calendar, WHICH I WAS HILARIOUS ABOUT.
From my scented bosom,