I had to get up early today, because we had to be, well, on time at work today. The start time at work is 8:30, and once some old biddy asked in a meeting, "What's our start time?" which was a pointed way of saying people roll in at all hours. But WE WERE TOLD that we are adults and if that means you gotta get there at 8:45 and leave at 5:45, that's cool. Just get yer work done.
Take THAT, Gladys Kravitz.
The person who asked that was actually a friend of mine, and he's a young guy WHO'S STILL AN OLD BIDDY AT HEART. What's our start time. Ah, shuddap.
Anyway, I do always roll in at like quarter till, but I actually pay attention and try to stay as late as I came in. It's like my little rule with myself.
OH MY GOD ANYWAY. So we had this big thing at work we had to be on time for. I got up, screamed around here feeding everyone and letting them out through my NEW SCREEN DOOR thanks to mom...
...which by the way the dogs already know how to open themselves. When I was screaming around this morning, I thought how nice it is that I can put them out and they stay out, and right then I heard the CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK! of eight paws, and there they were in the kitchen with me, smiling, and right then I knew.
Goddammit. I have to guess Edsel figured it out, because can Lottie get to that doorknob yet? I doubt it.
So I screamed around, found a grownup outfit, put on full makeup which I'm about to show you, below, dried my hair all the way--rare for me cause it gets huge when I do that--and got to work ON TIME. I saw my boss's boss across the room at the big work thing, and thought we'd made eye contact and that she was thinking, Oh, look how nice June looks. Look at June, showing up for the big work thing. My, how fond I am of June. I should put June in charge of just everything.
After the work thing, I went to my desk and a few minutes later, my boss's boss came over.
"We missed you at the big work thing, June!" she said.
Naturally I told her this whole story, because she has all the time in the world to listen to my bullshit. "You know I'm gonna blog about this," I told her, and she found my pain hilarious, as everyone does.
Anyway, so when I'm not INVISIBLE, I put on my makeup. This morning when I knew I had to hurry, I took pictures of my makeup routine and thought I'd make that a fast post, but it turns out I didn't even have time for that. So now here we are at luxurious lunch, and I will show you it.
I wash my face with an appropriate cleanser. For me, I use ANTI AGING OH MY GOD FIND MY YOUTH ANTI AGING PLEASE TURN BACK TIME LIKE I'M CHER cleanser. For oily skin. Why am I the only person with the ravages of time on my face AND oily skin? Why? Why am I punished? I'm such a good person.
Then after my cleanser (right now I'm using Mary Kay. They don't test on animals. They were the first not to.) I use ANTI FUCKING AGING OH MY GOD DON'T LET ME AGE PLEASE GOD WITH THE WHOLE TURNING BACK TIME THING serum.
Right now I'm using Philosophy. I am brand loyal to no one.
8:00 a.m. Here's me, makeup free and cleansed. I swear I am not as red as this desktop camera makes me look. At least I hope not. But maybe all that STOP AGING ALREADY stuff makes me red. I don't know.
8:01 a.m. I hate you and what you did to our family. Alternatively, here's a photo after I've done my eyebrows. Dipbrow Pomade in taupe. I love how sometimes in these pictures you see a wayward dog.
8:03 a.m. Tinted primer and powder. Usually I do more, but I was in a hurry. Laura Geller primer, ProMinerals powder. Do you really think this powder is a pro? Toot-ttoot, heyyyy, beep beep. I also love Laura Geller Baked Balance NNNNN Brighten powder. Love it. Would maybe not marry it, but at least date it.
I should probably use better lighting for these. This room sucks for morning light. It's actually where the morning light IS, but it fucks up my pictures.
8:05 a.m. Just a little eyelid primer (NYX proofit!) and my NEW Maybelline Blushed Nudes thanks to Faithful Reader Anita. The colors don't have names, but I used a pale pink on my lid, because who doesn't want to look like a rabbit, and a steel gray in the crease.
8:08 a.m. No. 7 Exquisite Curl mascara, which someone must have given me as a gift, because the color is brown/black and you know how I feel about brown mascara. Let's all say it. FUCK NATURAL. Most of my makeup right now is a gift from my Aunt Mary or bought at the grocery store, because single mother of four.
8:22 a.m. Roots covered with this stuff called Style Edit, hair dry, in a blur. Lips: A Burt's Bees tinted balm, because I'm a Burt's Bees lesbian. I once heard someone described that way and I loved it. Can't you so see which type of lesbian that is? Rachel Maddow is a Burt's Bees lesbian.
I'm more of an Aunt Bee lesbian at this point.
ANTI-AGING. OH MY GOD ANTI and also AGING.
My lunchtime is over, but I'm glad we could get together and feel more spiritual this way.