I had a migraine yesterday, and also I hate everything.
There was a wall? In my hallway? At my old house, the one I own? And I noticed the baseboards were all of a sudden a little, oh, squishy, and I figured well, that wall is on the other side of my shower. My tenants asked me to look at it, and they also asked for me to get the screen door hung straight, which could not be done because for some reason Daniel Boone planed it or whatever to hang it crooked and you get what you pay for.
So not only did a handyman have to go buy me a new, less-cute screen door, he also called to tell me that basically the shower is leaking into that wall every day, and the whole wall has to come down, and that will be $32939929393.
I called my homeowners insurance, and they will cover it but there is a deductible of eleven thousand million dollars, so.
Plus also it would appear that a mosquito bit my neck in the night and now it itches.
Plus also Ned is still out of town and his cat barfed all over the bedroom like she'd been out on a malt liquor binge. Really, she keeps eating MY cat's food, which cracks me up because since this is Ned's first cat, he goes to the vet and purchases special cat food there for eleven thousand million dollars, which coincidentally is my deductible, and anyway NedKitty's been eating that for years and she takes one look at the Purina from Rite Aid and goes, Fuck yeah.
She can't get enough of Purina from Rite Aid.
In other news, today at work if we wear pink we get to be in a drawing for a free massage. Apparently by wearing pink we will all cure AIDS or something. Seeing as I wear pink nine or eleven thousand million days a week, there is a real chance I could win a free massage.
Oh! And to add insult to injury, last night I got home and got all settled in on the couch and started watching the movie Closer where Jude Law is a cheaty-pants when I remembered I was out of goddamn cat food from Rite Aid, and instead of schlepping to Rite Aid I got up and put on my shoes and went to the pretentious liquor store near here, where they sell imported beer and beer from local breweries and caviar and also Purina cat food.
Then this morning I remembered I was also out of coffee. Son of a BITCH. So, migraine hangover, no Ned, no coffee, cat barf, nine million dollars owed in home repairs, a mosquito bite and I have to cure AIDS today. Ah, what the Christ.
P.S. NedKitty was eating my hair the whole time I wrote this.