So I'm reading that dirty book 50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy or whatever, and man is it dumb. And can I put it down? Why do some dumb books suck us in (see: Twilight)?
I mean, I consider myself above average in intelligence. Does everyone think they're above average in intelligence, just like everyone thinks they're a good driver and that they have a sense of humor? But despite the fact I think I am relatively smart (I mean, not compared to Stephen Hawking, okay?) (or even Tim Gunn. Tim Gunn seems kind of smart. Or maybe he's just snooty, is all), I must know what happens to these stupid, not-remotely-realistic people in stupid 50 Shades and Lamps Too.
What is wrong with me?
I even took said dirty book to the BookUp last night, which my friend Jo has every month in a restaurant. I've explained it before, but everyone just comes and brings a book and orders a drink or appetizer and reads. I know that sounds silly, but she was sick and tired of people saying, "I don't have time to read" (and she's written a book, so she's particularly persnickety about this phrase) (how do we get to the e-version of your book, Jo? Tell us in the comments), so she set up an evening where we MAKE time.
And what did I read? Right there in front of ...friend and everybody? Stupid 50 Shades of Earl Grey.
Anyway, that's my latest humiliation. In other news, I have a bunch of pictures on my desktop that I keep meaning to put up here, so without further adieu--did you ever see that Naked Gun? Where the guy says to Leslie Neilsen, "I bid you adieu" and Leslie Neilsen says, "Thanks. But I...like my hair the way it is." Anyway, without further hair, here are the photos on my desktop.
This is from Peg's party, which by the way was a potluck and guess who forgot that, with her empty-handed self? Nice. Guess who went to the food table three times anyway? Nice, also. Up here is a watermelon piece with, I don't know, feta, maybe? And Austin, who is the most super-great wonderful party guest possible and I love it when he comes to Peg's parties, stuck hat pins in each piece, because it was, you know, Mad Hatter. Oh, they were plastic. You couldn't imPALE yourself.
Here is Austin. He is a fancy designer and has really good decorating-for-rich-people stories. I heart him. And his teensy hat.
I mean, really? We have to be told this, now?
...friend lives right near my pal Kit's store, and it's exciting to see what her windows are doing whenever I stroll by. In case anyone was wondering, yes, I DO want that pink polka-dotted dress and also the leopard purse. What are you, new?
After my surgery, my mother sent me chocolate-covered strawberries. Oh.Hell.Yes.
I do not know why Edsel acts so weird in the car. He gets all shy and retiring. Yes, that IS a Chik-Fil-A cup. Shut up.
quar skare edzers
Here is Marvin drinking cough syrup in San Francisco in 2005. That's random!
Best hat at Peg's party. And for people who work at my old job, yes that IS your old coworker. I mean, I am your old coworker, but so is she.
From when Pal from MA was here at Christmas. Seriously, I have to clear out this desktop.
Also, love self.
Okay, off to work, which is beginning to be like the three-hour tour on Gilligan's Island. Have totally made a tight SS Minnow dress at this point.
It is 9:41 p.m. and I just got off the phone with ...friend and I am trying to avoid doing the second half of my Tracy Chapman workout DVD. Which is dumb because it's continuing to work really well and I cannot quite get enough of my hotness and figure it's all uphill from here. So you'd think I'd STAMPEDE to the DVD but no.
Maybe I should have tried to fit it in earlier than 9:41 p.m.
I was talking to ...friend and looking at the computer at the same time, because I was trying to send him something and he continued to not be able to open it, and things like that drive me berserk.
"HOW can you not open it? I'm opening it," I kept saying, as though we had parallel lives and computers and everything that was happening to me should certainly be happening to him at the same time. Also, I could hear the train pass his house and then a minute later it passed mine. I love it when you can do that on the phone. Don't you?
My POINT is, I hung up and thought, I should really get on that DVD. And then I sat here. Like a moron. Then I said, Gee. I could write tomorrow's post right now. Get that out the way. Instead of, you know, burning calories and getting thin and fit.
Maybe I should write this and run in place.
Anyway, what I decided to do was put on all the pictures that are lying here needlessly on my desktop, which gives me something to blog about and gives you something to look at and gives me putting-off-the-workout time.
Tall Boy and I went to lunch today, and here he is sniffing the sesame sauce. I have no idea why he felt the need to do this, but look at his determined expression. THIS SAUCE WILL BE SNIFFED!
Tall Boy got the salad, and an appetizer, and the main course, and then he insisted we go out for frozen yogurt after. I have no idea why he isn't fat as a house.
Houses are so often fat.
Here are our frozen yogurts. His is the one with an octopus or bath-oil beads or whatever the hell on it.
This just makes me sad. Next.
Okay, THANKS, God. This doesn't make me feel much better. Do you know what I miss? My $350 haircuts in LA. My hair looks cute.
I TOLD you I was planning to write a sad Marvin post. I put a lot of pictures on the desktop to really drive the sad point home.
Madre de Dios. Come on.
I guess I was capturing the fur on the floor. I think I was toying with a post about how out of control everything got here while I was working on that giant project.
Yep. Look how offended Iris is. If eyeriss could see she be shhoked at lawndreee.
edzul bad. you no i bad. i bad.
Did you know they wanted Prince in that Bad video, but Prince said everyone always thinks he's gay, and everyone always thought Michael Jackson was gay, and he didn't want to live with the ridicule of being in a video where the first words are, "Your butt is mine."
True story. I know this because Prince hangs around here all the time.
I think I had this one here because of Talu's ridiculous gluttony, evident to all who gaze upon her ludicrous stuffed cheeks. Also, HELLO CHRISTMAS! Has this been here since Christmas? Just lounging on my desktop?
Oh, yeah. I had this on Facebook. Remember?
Horsie!!!!!!
I also have a picture of ...friend on my desktop, but he did not say I could put him on my blog, in fact I think he'd prefer to NOT be on my blog. So not into my blog, is he. I kind of admire that about him. If the tables were turned, I'd be so PUT ME ON YOUR BLOG! DID YOU MENTION ME ON YOUR BLOG TODAY?!?!?
Self-possessed people. They fascinate me.
Sadly for all of us, that is all that is on my desktop and now Ima throw all these photos away. Okay, just for yucks I will go pick the...16th photo in my archives and put it up here too. What say you? Here I go.
Crap. Let's try another one. See if it's less sad. The 16th one after this one.
Oh, I give up.
Now go do the right thing. Go sniff some sesame oil.
So now I have to drag out old posts to keep you amused. THERE IS A LOT OF WORK. I don't know if I've mentioned that. Anyway, here is May of 2010, when I still had my beloved wonderful Winston, and Henry was a bitty kitten.
Ahh, summer.
Hey, Winston! What doing? Henry here to say hi!
Why you crabby, Winston? Why you crabby? Henry here to cheer you up. Hi! Hi, Winston! Hi! Hi! Hi!
Hey, Winsfstonph! Numnumnum. I gotz yer tail! Numnumnumnum....
Where you goin'? Why grumpy? ...Henry sit in window now?
In my quest to just show you pictures from my week in order to save time blogging so I can get my 394949339 pages of editing work done, I, you know, took a lot of pictures. Then this morning I went to upload them and could not find them and just spent 35 minutes with Apple Care.
June. Making her save-me-time blog take longer than ever before. And the guy I spoke to at Apple Care? Wow, what a personality on him! Who is over here assuming Mr. Apple Care has been laid approximately never? Who is over here assuming Mr. Apple Care might be familiar with Dungeons and Dragons or whatever nerdy thing is in with the nerd crowd these days?
Holy cats.
Anyway, Smoove Operator and I found the photos and I will share my Monday with you now. And man, will it ever be worth it.
I drove to my friend and Faithful Reader Laurie's house for lunch. Yes, she does live in a nicer neighborhood than I do.
Cute. She has plans to do all Easter things next. Laurie. Crafting since who knows when because I never ever join her.
We had lasagna soup. Dude, I know. I mean, when I picked her up at The Nester's party two years ago I really knew what I was doing.
Garlic bread. And my cankles.
After lunch, we went to the back yard because it was full of color and blooming things and snakes. Okay. We did not SEE a snake, but my theory is they're out there. Being all springy and hissy.
Laurie took senior pictures of me. All we needed was a wagon wheel and my floating head behind me.
"To a great girl I met in third hour. Good luck with the guys and never forget Mr. Mosca's class! Ha Ha! FF. June."
Then I kind of got a message from the universe that I had to go back home and work. Because that's what the universe is over there worried about. My deadlines.
It was a nice day, so I worked on my deck, with my coworkers Bark and Barkier, over there. Lu not bark. Maybe Pit Bull growl occayshunlee.
Eventually I slapped leashes around the snouts of my coworkers and lead them down the street with leashes. You can see how well I "lead" them, with them out in front of me.
Then I got an email. Remember that place where I interviewed last month? And I was in their top four? I didn't get the job. I am totally Pete Best. Also, I suck.
I felt pretty bad, so I decided I had better get out the house. I went to a coffee shop to do my work there so I would not sit here and hate my own self, and then like an idiot emailed a ...friend because the coffee shop was near his place. "If you get time, come say hi!" I said.
June. Talking to ...friend for two hours when she should have been working. Also, I realize ...friend is totally wearing a Marvin shirt.
Clearly I have a type. I know I could have found a photo of Marvin in a shirt EXACTLY LIKE ...friend's. But dudes. THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES with Apple Care. And did I mention my workload?
Anyway. Eventually I came home and worked into the night.
With my other coworkers. Note that job candle mocking me. "You will never get a job, Joooooon! You suck, Joooooon!" I don't know why St. Joseph talks like a ghost.
Dudes. You have no idea how much work I have to do. Which is good, right? I have had one day with no work to do since I got laid off, and yay. I am glad. Hey, maybe it's that damn job candle.
But Faithful Reader LaUral sent me 700 pages of stuff, and I was in the middle of a statistics textbook, as I am wont to be, so now I have all this mess to do. Plus my old workplace (two layoffs ago. Not the last layoff. Hate.) asked me to come back and freelance for a spell.
And that, my dear friends, is why we are gonna have Wordless Week June here at Bye Bye to the Pie. Every day I will try to at least have the 10 minutes to download a photo, upload it here, and hit "Publish." This means I have to try to find something interesting to photograph when in reality I will be looking down at a page, but I'll do my best.
Here are some photos for today.
I'm a little cranky.
It's colorful at my yard.
Currently rabbits, squirrels and chipmunks back there. They need Back Yard Anonymous at this point.
"I Tallulah, and I addict to back yard."
"Hiiii, Tallulah."
"Hi! Hi! Hello! I Edzul! Why we heer? Let go to back yard!"
Even though Faithful Reader Laurie TOTALLY COCKBLOCKED me, Ima show you my dog nativity scene.
And see? If you do not read the comments and/or you are not on Pie on the Face--the Facebook group for people who do not waste enough time reading this blog, but who must ignore their loved ones EVEN MORE by going on Facebook and discussing this blog ad nauseum--you are all, "?"
Okay, so, somehow in the comments yesterday afternoon I mentioned that I have a dog nativity set, which is not my fault. My mother sent it to me. I said, "Fortunately for me, Edsel ate the baby Beagle Jesus, so the set is incomplete."
For some reason, the other commentors became obsessed with the idea of my dog nativity, and much Googling commenced, and next thing you know old Jed's a millionaire and friend-in-real-life Laurie wrote, "I PUT A PICTURE OF THE DOG NATIVITY SCENE ON PIE ON THE FACE!"
...See.
I was all set to BLOG about my dog nativity scene, LAURIE, once I realized this was an interesting topic. Because in case you hadn't noticed, LAURIE, I post every day and if I realize I have something to, oh I don't know, TALK ABOUT, it's kind of exciting for me.
So THANKS, LAURIE, for gettin' all on Pie on the Face and showing the dog nativity and letting everyone see it ahead of time so now I will show it and most of you will all be, yeah. We already saw that. Laurie showed it to us last night.
LAURIE.
(Here's the picture Laurie put up on Facebook.)
If the baby Beagle Jesus were still with us and not in Edsel's gullet, he would be extremely disappointed in you. You sadden baby Beagle Jesus. Who may be a baby yellow Lab but whatever.
And mom, when you leave a comment telling me I am blasphemous, remember YOU are the one who sent me the tasteful dog nativity. That's all I have to say about that.
So anyway, it turns out Edsel has eaten a lot more of the first Noel than I had thought. He gnawed Dalmatian Virgin Mary, and the Cocker spaniel angel. Looks like Laurie will not be alone in the fiery pits of eternity.
First I show you a German shepherd wise man, which I guess is fitting. They are usually wise, other than Edsel who is technically a German shepherd mix. I think he brought the myrrh, which was good of him, and I like his snazzy cape. Wait. Is he one of the three kings of Orient are? And are they the same as the three wise men? Guess who has gone to church a lot?
Here is kind of a schnauzer shepherd, which makes a ton of sense. Are we supposed to believe he was out there shepherding? Because every schnauzer I've ever known has sat around and drooled in his beard and that was about it. And wait. Does HE have the myrrh? Or the frankincense? What did he bring, there, in the bag? Is it snacks? I imagine they needed snacks. Somebody help a sister out.
Ooo. Blurry shot, June.
Okay. Here we can see that Edsel has begun work on this...St. Bernard? wise man. Who clearly brought the gold. Or maybe one of those room freshener things that looks like a crown. At any rate, good luck trotting home on two and a half legs.
Definitely kind of a mutt, and according to the official picture, (the one Laurie found on line and put on Facebook to cockblock me), this is Joseph. Joseph! All being not a purebred and holding a lantern. To tell you the truth he looks a little like Edsel, and you note the Eds has left this one alone.
I like how they gave Joseph room for his ears to pop out of his cap.
Okay, a Girl Scout wandered in? Who is this supposed to be? The Little Drummer Cocker spaniel? I mean, with the beret and the man bag he may be into beat poetry and bongos.
I'm thinking we had better figure all this out this year, as there will be no dog nativity next year. Is my hunch.
Also, it may have been good that Edsel was born now and not, say, 2,000 years ago anywhere near a manger.
Now that my life is back to normal, I mean, as normal as the life of someone with this hair and 34959502 pets can be, I can finally show all y'all the pictures you sent me on Thanksgiving day last week. Of course, it has not escaped my notice that I am finally showing these to you on Saturday, when the 16% read me, so pretty much the other 79% will be all, "You never showed our pictures from THANKSgiving. What gives, June?"
Yes, I DID get a C- in math. Why?
I would be super extra careful and show you these in chronological order but I do not feel like it.
Here is the first picture I got, from Hulk. It is his fireplace. I have not at all made fun of bachelor Hulk for decorating his fireplace with every season like a girly man. "My CHILD likes it," he claims. "Yes, years from now she'll be all 'My pansy-ass dad was so cute the way he decorated the fireplace,'" I said.
Faithful Reader Mary Lou sent this, saying, "This is as close as I'll get to a Thanksgiving dinner." Mary Lou is from Canada, and therefore a Communist.
June's blog. Where you come to get accused of being all sorts of things you likely aren't. I like how all Thanksgiving-y pictures that are styled like that show a cornucopia, and yet have you ever in your life been near a cornucopia on Thanksgiving? My friend Donna had an empty cornucopia on her dining room table when we were in high school and inevitably any party she had some boy would hold it up on his man bits thinking that was hilarious.
For the record, any party Donna ever had was instigated by me. She spent the entire evening breaking into hives worrying her parents would come home, and prying the cornucopia out of drunk hands.
Faithful Reader Melanie in Oklahoma sent this photo of her pansy-ass, communist cat lounging on the table, which is the thing all non-cat people worry about when they come to our houses to eat. "I'll bet they let their cats on the counters when we're not there."
Dear non-cat people: We totally do.
Here is Faithful Reader Mary and her Impressionist dog Molly in Omaha, Nebraska. She told me the time, because she follows the rules. It was 12:30 p.m. She also mentioned that neither she nor Molly had eaten yet, which may be why Molly is beaming up.
In Southern California, Jane D's cute dogs waited for their morning carrot. I have never felt this anticipatory about a carrot. I wonder if you mooshed all those dogs together if they'd be as big as Roger.
Dudes. I don't know why I love this one of Amy in Maryland so much. I think it's that guy's shirt, and his indulgent grin. "No idea who June is, but okay. We will take this freaking picture if it means something to Amy."
Cyn in Florida. She might be a better cook than I.
Erin at 3:23 p.m. in Des Moines. Do you like her suck-uppy touch, adding the blog image? I do. I DO, ERIN!
Look! Faithful Reader Unruly Hair did it too, showing my blog! Oh, you are all BRILLIANT! She had a cold, see, and did not make a tofu pie, which was her plan, and here is her cat posing with the unused ingredients in Boulder, Colorado.
Lindy, in Georgia. She said, "Here are my hooty-hoots with a hooty-hoot." Lindy, being funny with birds of prey since 2011.
Here is my pal Sleeping Beauty's baby Josie, sleeping beautifully, at 11:11 a.m. in Washington, D.C. Sleeping Beauty also sent me a photo of her breast pump and all the pumped milk, which absolutely grossed me out. I realize breast milk is natural and beautiful and part of the circle of life, but if you ask me, most natural things are totally sick.
Perhaps Phyllis in Charlotte is trying to tell me something. This was at 9:30 a.m. I know linear people are getting hive-y like Donna during those high school parties that I am all over the place with the times, but I am downloading these as they came to me, folks. GET OVER IT. Put a cornucopia on your bits and get over it.
Faithful Reader Carpool Queen has become my friend in real life and I love this picture of her. She said she was ignoring her children so she could take her photo for my blog. You should all aspire to the same goal. Outer Banks, North Carolina, 4:30 p.m.
Speaking of friends in real life, here is Laurie, with whom I spent Thanksgiving. I took this picture. It was about 4 p.m. and we were waiting for the EFFING TURKEY to be done, which actually didn't take all that long because she has a convection oven, whatever that is, in that kitchen of hers that you all could not shut up about.
Love this montage of Mary in Toledo as the day wears on. What a pleased, not-at-all-ready-to-kill-everyone-and-everything expression she has by day's end.
Beautiful, beautiful Fawn in Arkansas, with her son.
Laurie in California sent a picture of Blu, her dad's dog. Guess who I love? WHO DO I LOOOOOVE? See that orange thing? That was his tangerine he was playing with. I LOVE YOU BLUUUUUU!
Brenda in Yucaipa, California, after she's stabbed everyone. She CLAIMS she carried fruit in this 1970s Tupperware, but did you not read about the bloody Thanksgiving massacre in Yucaipa this year?
Jessica in Dallas sent me Darby, trying to blend into the carpet. "they not notiss me here. maybee drop turkkeys."
Brandy in Sarasota, Florida at 3 p.m. I say Brandy, you're a fine girl. What a good dog you could be. But my life, my love and my lady is the sea.
You're welcome.
Here is the Furry Godmother and her cute husband Terra in Memphis. You are looking kind of hot in that dress, Furry!
This was the first year Tammi didn't have to feed 4959459494 people, so they went to a fancy theater that has big couches and serves good food and wine.
Bob Barker at 3:35 p.m. in Sarasota, Florida. I hope you are sitting down because I have some big news.
I LOVE BOB BARKER!
Behold my friend in real life, Laura, escaping from her husband's family in Duluth, Georgia. Sadly, she was not able to smuggle her bottle of Prosecco out on the roof with her. Ladders and sparking wine. An excellent combo.
Joy titled this "My two babies sharing some turkey." Now, if I were her husband, I might wonder about the paternity of that fuzzy one...
Laura and her boyfriend in Colorado Springs. How cute are they? And she doesn't at all admit to being "slightly tipsy" in this photo. NOsir!
Rebecca in Illinois sent me a few pictures, as did many people, and usually I narrowed it to one, but she purposely sent me uvula shots, knowing how often I like to show y'all my uvula. I could not help but share the uvulas of her people with all of you:
(see? Dog on the left! uvula!)
(ohmygod, this is the uvula-ist family EVER)
i has ooovulaa and keeyoot back feets!
Faithful Reader Jenene poses with her muffin tin daughter Sophia, who likes the bathroom.
Faith in Connecticut captured a chess game, which really never happens when my family gets together. Monopoly? Sure. Yahtzee? Maybe. Perhaps we are lowbrow.
Tee took a picture of the cooks cleaning up the kitchen in Sandy Springs, Georgia. I think it was genius of Tee to record the moment for posterity rather than help. Total June move, there, Tee.
Dear People Who Also Think We Let Our Dogs Lick The Spatulas When You Are Not Here:
We do.
These are Nancy in Austin, Texas' dogs. Also, I like her tile.
Here is Letha's dog, Bella, gettin' all personal with a turkey. 2:29 p.m. in Georgia.
Dancer in Colorado forgot to take a picture, so she did not at all Photoshop a reenactment.
Siren in Cape Cod had to weigh the turkey, because they threw out the how-much-this-weighs tag and...oh, who knows.
This is my favorite one. Dawn in DC not only got a new grandbaby for Thanksgiving, but here is her youngest son surprising her with a visit at 2:30 p.m.
And here's Bonnie, in a suburb of Chicago, holding her first granddaughter, Hannah. Hannah was released from the hospital at 4:00, and they brought her straight over to her grandmother and the Thanksgiving celebration. Word has it that baby had thirds on stuffing.
Mrs. Thor played a game of Apples to Apples in New York state. I never heard of it, have you?
Faithful Reader Amanda spent Thanksgiving with her husband in the Canary Islands. As did I.
Here is Gracie in Jacksonville, Arkansas at 4:08 p.m. "i has underbyyte. in cayse you did not notiss."
Lounging in Frederick, Maryland are Kate's dogs, Onyx and Pickle. I wonder which is which?
Friends-in-real-life Joann and her cute husband celebrating "pilgrim style," as she put it. Oh. And they live in Florida. As the pilgrims did.
Brownwyn in Missouri sent her half-nutty cheeseball, and just saying that stampedes me into 7th grade. {snertle} Seriously, her husband does not like nuts. ...Aaaand I'm back in 7th grade.
Dudes! Were you worried I would leave this out? Faithful Reader Kari in Houston did NOT let us down. She took a picture of her mom's '70s wallpaper AND she threw in the nice Italian coastline painting. Kari, will your mom pleeeeeeeease let us have a giveaway of the Italian coastline painting? Pleeeeeese? It is awesome.
We all need it.
While we're up? At Kari's mom's house? She took a picture of the turkey butter and OHMYGOD I also need turkey butter! I realize I never actually, you know, HAVE butter, but if I did I'd want it turkey-shaped. ALL THE TIME.
And look! It's everyone's favorite esoteric commentor, Cosmo's Dad, with Cosmo himself and Lucy also too! Dad of Cosmo refused to say his locale but it's somewhere East Coast-y. Maryland? I forget. It's 949430244 miles from his new job, I know that.
What I like about my blog is finding out my people are, in fact, all over the place. Here is Faithful Reader Caroline Longhorn in Waco at 9:00.
Anita sent a picture of her nephew's dog Jackie getting all likkered up in Jacksonville. "i also haff underbyyte. eff whyy eyy."
Pamela Soul Sister's view. Not what you'd call shabby.
Faithful Reader Laura, who lives here in Greensboro, and whose kids and dogs I have met. HI, Y'ALL! DO YOU REMEMBER ME!?!?!?
Sheri is practically a hometown girl. She is my homie. Here she is in Midland, Michigan with her cat Charlie. She couldn't decide whether to photograph the cat or her autumn cheesecake. Then she remembered her audience.
And finally? Finally? My best friend, Pal from MA, emailed me. "Will you put up a video of me playing with my new dog for your Thanksgiving montage?"
"No."
"Oh come ON! I didn't take it on Thanksgiving but close enough!"
"I can't PUT videos on unless they're You Tube."
[Ten seconds later] "Okay! It's on You Tube!"
I just want y'all to know? My best friend is a PAIN IN MY ASS, and just because I sent her the WORLD'S MOST INCONVENIENT CHRISTMAS GIFT last year is no excuse.
(See, I sent her this friendship bird. But the thing was, there were two. And she had to MAIL BACK the other one to ME, so that every time she'd look at the effing bird she'd think of me and every time IIIII'd look at MYYYY effing bird I'd think of her, but now every time we look at those birds, all we think about is how much she hated my every gut for making her traipse out into the bitter Massachusetts winter to mail me a bird.)
(The end.)
Anyway, there were your Thanksgiving photos, and please let me know if I skipped yours. I sat here for THREE HOURS going through all the emails and I tried VERY HARD not to miss any and I PROMISE I will mail you the friendship bird VERY SOON.
Thanks for participating! And tomorrow? The good deeds list!
TALLULAH: Me two. Let do thing where we bug mom. Let moan at her and paw at her and staaar at her till she make us go in room, then she hide treetz for uz to fynd.
EDSEL: Okaaa!
TALLULAH: Okay. We hiding in room. Theenk mom is getting treeetz for us? Theenk she hiding them on us for us to find?
EDSEL: Yeah. I theenk she is. Hope she can find dog treetz in her cupboards. She got lots of fud in der.
EDSEL: Where you theenk she hiding treetz at? Where she hiding them at, Talu? You know where she hiding treetz?
TALLULAH: I not telling you. You eat dem all, fat azz.
TALLULAH and EDSEL: Go find treetz!!
TALLULAH: Lu fynd one! It on table. God, MOM. Dat easy.
EDSEL: Edsul not find.
EDSEL: Oww! Edsul find treet under Jaymes Brown. Edsul feel good. Good God. Take to brigge. Hot tub!
EDSEL: Fownd treet on shelf! Or else Edzul ate niknak! Not sure. Don't care.
EDSEL and TALLULAH: Treet under chaar! Treet under chaar!
I wrote a whole post last night, and then for who-knows-what reason, I decided to throw in an old ad from Pearl Drops Tooth Polish, and going to YouTube to get it made my whole screen freeze up and I lost the post.
Rest assured it was the Greatest Post Ever Writen, and now that I have to re-do it today I will be dull as dishwater.
Hi. How are you? I am fine. The weather is lovely.
See?
Many things happened this weekend, including the part where I went to Office Depot and bought a new memory card for my camera, because I figured out that the other day? When I lost said card in my GIANT SLOT on the side of my computer? Damaged it. It took me taking 9 million seven hundred photos that did not turn out before this dawned on me.
And guess who was not at Office Depot? My Office Depot kitties! I went all the way back there, calling "kittykittykittykittykitty" until finally Mousepad showed himself but would not come near me. I told the checkout girl that I was sad to not see the kitties, and she said, "Did you try behind the building?" (I had), and when I told her I had named everyone, I could see her getting more and more concerned.
"Heh. Inkjet. Yeah. That's...cute," she said, pressing the button for security.
Apparently my new calm Wen hair does not detract from the part where I seem insane.
Anyway, as you can imagine, I stampeded home and put in that memory card and took pictures of the rest of my day.
Srysly, mom. Dis not funny. Let GO.
Do you know what I need? Is a nicer entryway rug. I like how these things don't bug me till I show you photos.
for love of god, mom. you need helps.
We stopped and visited with my neighbor Paul, the 96-year-old, but I didn't take pictures of that. I didn't want to delve into the whole, "Can I put you on my blog? Well, a blog is..." thing with a 96-year-old.
I did, however, manage to capture on film Mandy, the Puggle who barks maniacally at us every.single.day. Once Mandy was on a walk at the same time we were and you should have seen her act like she'd never noticed us before. "Those big dogs? Why no! Mandy never screech like an idiot at those dogs!"
Mandy has the back yard of two houses, and the houses are on different sides of the block, because apparently the people are related or something. My point is, she runs over and yells at us from one of her yards, then 10 minutes later she sees us on the other street and does it all over again. Mandy is a rocket scientist.
Later in the day, I forced Marvin to come over and put up my new curtains. He brought his tools in a nice Fresh Step container. I do not use Fresh Step. Well. I use a toilet. But I mean I do not BUY it for my cats. Too smelly. Which I realize is ironic.
"Will you stop DOCUMENTING everything?" Marvin said, and I reminded him, "Whooooo used to say, 'Oh! You'd be a good blogger! You should try blogging! Why don't you blog?'" I used that Marvin voice that makes him sound like a buffoon. Or Mandy. Whichever.
Anyway, am excited to have new curtains, which I could ill afford. Note my decorative grommets! Grommets sounds like a Sesame Street character.
When Marvin and I first got curtains, we measured wrong or something and they never stretched all the way across, a fact that tortured my mother. Honestly, the curtains thing has kept her up nights for the last two years. The only thing I could have done to torment her more would have been to vote Republican.
After Marvin left and I campaigned for Mitt Romney, I joined my friend Hibiscus Wilson for dinner.
Of course I brought my camera.
We had a great time--I got the ahi tuna. When it got there, I said, "Ah, hi! Tuna!"
How do you stand my hilarity?
There was a woman behind us who looked exactly like Sarah Palin had Sarah Palin put on a few. Honestly, it was jarring. I took her picture, because I'm subtle, but now I feel too bad to put it up here. What if Chubby Sarah reads this blog? What if she has no idea she is full-figured? Anyway, trust me. Ask Hibiscus if you don't believe me.
Okay. Going now. I would throw in something from YouTube but now I hate that place.
