It's Tuesday night, and I was looking forward to the end of the workday and getting to go home. Then I got an email from Ned.
"Don't forget, I'm going to that lecture with my dad tonight."
I know it's stupid. I've only lived with Ned for six weeks, and already the idea that he won't be home tonight makes me sad. Maybe I'm addicted to Ned. Maybe I need NedA.
The point is, I thought I'd check in while I while away the hours of the evening, which yawn before me, dark and loveless. You can join me in my agony. Congratulations.
5:16 p.m. Since Ned isn't even gonna be home, I'm staying at work late to look up whether it's "wile away the hours" or "while away the hours." My boss is still here, too, and you can't even ask him something like this, because he becomes obsessed, and starts looking it up, and tells you the origin of the word "wile" and what you hope is that Wile E. Coyote comes and saws a circle around him so he falls through the earth.
I'm also staying here to play with the design of my blog, and god forbid I stay here at work to, you know, work. Anyway, I did a screen shot of my blog's old looks to see what I liked and didn't like.
Awww, remember this one? This design went up on election day 2012. I remember being excited about it while I watched election returns with my pal the Naughty Professor. It's funny the shit you recall.
I know I was still married to Marvin when I had the Norma-and-Vern-and-Ferris-wheel design, because Ferris wheel. Marvin proposed on a Ferris wheel, so it was all meaningful. I like how with all these versions of my blog we've looked at the top of my coworker's curly head from today's post. The top of her head is FAMOUS.
Okay, even though my house will be dark and sad, I still have to go to it to feed everyone. It's like we're farmers, with the time and effort we put in to the care and feeding of these pets.
6:05 p.m. I went home to my dark, loveless house, where there is no Ned. Walking through an empty house, tears in my eyes. This is where the story ends, this is goodbyyyyye. KNOWING ME KNOWING YOu (small u. uh-huhhhh) there is nothing we can do! Knowing me, knowing you.
What I like about myself is my lack of drama. uh-huhhhh.
The point is, I came home and fed everyone.
After slopping the hogs, I thought I might throw myself on our bed and frown.
7:11 p.m. What the hell happened to my bed? It's like some kind of dervish was here. Won't you enjoy my brassiere?
7:22 p.m. Am cleaning machine. Alternatively, Iris ate everything on the bed.
8:10 p.m. Wait. Is that--what? Ned is home!!! His dad couldn't find the damn tickets, so they just went out to dinner instead!