Bye Bye, Pie!

Things I forgot to tell you

Lord. I am so tired. How long can this go on? Well, I've been workin' in a coal mine... If you never heard the song "Workin' in a Coal Mine," at this point you must think I have gone berserk.... Read more →

Climb Every Mountain

Last night, Marvin Gardensalad and I went to a lecture about Mt. Everest. That lecturer told a lot of tall tales. BAH! Did you know that the people who actually live under Mt. Everest have a whole different name for... Read more →

Bones, running and cuteness

Whoever told me to get the Nylabone or whatever it's called is my hero. She is obsessed with that thing. It is bigger than she is. She also enjoys chewing my stuffed bunny I have had for about 12 years,... Read more →

Meet Lulabelle. Sort of.

Guess what's almost impossible? Filming a puppy. They move AROUND all the time. Lulabelle is a 12-week-old Lab mix and she weighs 10.9 pounds. She is so skinny! She ate dinner so fast I would've thought I had hallucinated putting... Read more →

She is back on puppies again?

Oh. My. Stars. Today I had an interview in Raleigh, and I wasn't sure I really wanted the job. I was even thinking, "Why am I driving to Raleigh for this?" as I was in fact driving to Raleigh. I... Read more →

In which you learn too much about my nethers

When my underwear had no elastic, I knew it was gonna be a stupid day. I was late, for a change. Freezing in our laundry room, which is basically a back porch with windows on it, I put on the... Read more →

Exciting things that've happened today

I am supposed to be proofreading something -- what else is new?-- but so MANY exciting things have happened. Okay, first of all, I have another job interview, this one in Raleigh. The interview is Wednesday. I would be a... Read more →

Health, schmealth. Here's how to pronounce celebrity names.

If there is anything more annoying than having a piece of coconut stuck in your tooth, with no floss in sight, I don't know what it is. Guess who had Samoa Girl Scout cookies for breakfast? Nice. Despite that, I... Read more →

Worst Church Secretary EVER

Before I begin, there is this woman named Emily who has spent the whole weekend reading my last year's blog. I keep getting emails from my old blog, telling me someone has made a new comment, and I can see... Read more →

Bloom County

I have just spent the morning reading other people's blogs, as I am wont to do. Everybody seems mighty down, and I think they are all sick and not to mention tired of the stupid winter. It's been so long... Read more →

In which I totally tell you the end of Six Feet Under in the first paragraph

Today was a ridiculous day. First of all, I had a dream that Marvin Gardensalad was having an affair. I know I dreamed this because stupid Nate on Six Feet Under just had an affair and then he fell over... Read more →

Bless My Heart, and also Cross My Heart

Oh, dear. I just got an email from one of my Garden Clubbers, and she said I was the talk of Bridge Club today. You don't suppose they're gonna make me learn to build bridges now, do you? After I... Read more →

The Wizard of Odd

I'm not gonna lie to ya. I was at a job interview in Winston-Salem. I am going to make cigarettes. No, no. But I don't want to say anything about it cause I don't wanna jinx it. Because that's a... Read more →

See you tonight

I'll write you more later; I hafta get to Winson-Salem. No, I do not mean my cat Winston has taken up smoking. Or witchcraft. In the meantime, I wrote a hairbrush review over on http://chic-critique.com/, which is the product review... Read more →

Fish camp or fat camp?

Oh, help. Help me, Rhonda. Last night we went to ANOTHER party, this time a dinner party for three couples, thrown by some people from my church whom I just adore. And man, was the food good. I have GOT... Read more →

Food, glorious food

Happy Presidents Day! And no, officially there is no apostrophe in this day. We went through this last year, folks. It SHOULD have an apostrophe, but on official government and calendar websites, there is none. So I have to stick... Read more →

God Save the Queen (and her little dogs, too)

Last night, Marvin Gardensalad and I went to a cocktail party at the home of some people we met. They had two Corgis and a Siamese cat who was large and brown. Really, the success or failure of a visit... Read more →

Oprah, Reba, Carson

Did anybody else watch Oprah today? As you may know, we get three stations here, because last year my husband and I did an experiment where we did not spend any extra money. So when we got here, we plugged... Read more →

Perhaps you'll all calm down now

For those of you up in arms over the fact that I haven't taken a photo of my hair, here are three photos my father took of me at work. I was totally faking the "Oh, I'm busy on the... Read more →

Haunted by cabbage

Remember after lunch? When I went heavy on the salad, light on the quiche, one bite of dessert? Remember all those hours ago, when life was one ding-dang ticker tape parade, and all was well with the world? There is... Read more →

There is a lot of "guess" in this one. No Guess jeans, tho.

Guess who's visiting? My father! He arrived last night. It was kind of a last-minute thing. Guess who lov es to cook? That'd be my father. He is all up in cooking, and has all kinds of cooking gadgets that... Read more →

You're once. Twice. Three times a lady finger dessert.

Well, that wasn't SO bad. I am, however, only on the first step. I made the dern thing. Now it has to chill overnight. Then I have to dump it upside-down on that serving platter we've heard so much about.... Read more →

Lady Fingers

I had lived here two months when I was asked to be a member of the Garden Club. It was the first real invitation I had gotten here that was non-teacher-related, and of course any teacher-related invites were more for... Read more →

Me? Critical?

Are your loins girded? And no, Kathy Loves Pink, I do not know how one does that. Here's the big announcement. Dcrmom and I have started our own PRODUCT REVIEW SITE! Woooo! Woo! Apparently, and I say "apparently" because dcr... Read more →

I promise I'll stop talking about puppies after this

The Humane Society called. No, they do not want their something funny back. They actually called. Meadow got adopted yesterday. The plan was, I was gonna go there on the 15th and get her, and drive her to Sid Leavitt.... Read more →

Pink chair, magenta flowers, red ink

As you may or may not know, depending on how obsessed you are with me (and if you aren't, why not?), in real life, I am a proofreader. I am currently freelancing, because small towns in the South don't have... Read more →

Grace Kelly, Pooping and Bling

I have been thinking about how incredible the Internet is. A little over a year ago, Marvin said, "Why don't you blog about us not spending any money this year?" and I thought it was the lamest idea ever. Then... Read more →

A Doggie Miracle

Well, you are not even gonna believe this. I have been feeling like crap, absolute crap, about Meadow. The other night I woke Marvin Gardensalad up at like 3 a.m. I was sobbing. I said, "Can you reach around me... Read more →

So, you think peanut butter will help?

So, I have had two really depressing days. You? I can't talk about the dog. We couldn't keep her. I am NOT THAT PERSON who just gets and rejects pets. I really am not. But please, I am so sad.... Read more →

Episcopalians Gone Wild

Last night, Marvin and I went to a Mardi Gras party given by a member of the church where I am a secretary. It is the first party we have been to in exactly six months -- the last one... Read more →

Waffling

I'm sitting here in my pink turtleneck and my dark blue sweatpants, which is a delightful combination and I don't look at all like I should be talking to myself and gesturing wildly while I push my shopping cart filled... Read more →