Did anybody else watch Oprah today?
As you may know, we get three stations here, because last year my husband and I did an experiment where we did not spend any extra money. So when we got here, we plugged in the TV and settled for whatever came in. Which happened to be all Reba, all the time. And a station that just plays the local weather.
However, if I am willing to watch through static and snow, I can sort of see Oprah at 4 p.m. I have managed to stand doing this approximately twice. Today was one of those days. It was either that or proofread something, so there you go.
So, today, our close friend Oprah had Carson Kressley on to tout his new show How to Look Good Naked, which of course I have not seen because we only get the weather channel and Reba and snowy Oprah.
As an aside, I love Carson Kressley. I wish I were best friends with Carson Kressley. You know every time I say I miss living around gay men? I mean gay men like Carson Kressley.
As another aside -- and if he reads this he will KILL me -- one of my friends happened to once have one of the other Queer Eye guys at his house for the weekend, and the Queer Eye guy accidentally broke my friend's hutch. I mean, he shattered it into a bazillion pieces. My friend was like, "Aren't you supposed to go into men's apartments and make their lives BETTER?"
And no, I will not tell you which one. But I'm sure he'd love me for referring to him as "Queer Eye guy" all the time.
So, this show, How to Look Good Naked, takes women who HATE how they look, and through some magic or another, transforms how they feel about themselves in like three days. We, the Oprah viewers, concentrated on two women in particular, who were about my age. They were both perfectly fine-looking, but when they looked in the mirror, they cried and sobbed and gnashed their teeth and carried on about how dreadful they thought they looked.
One woman wouldn't go to her son's school because she was certain all the other moms would notice the weight she put on. The other one wouldn't go to a Super Bowl party because she didn't want to be the ugliest wife there.
Do you know what I have to say to these women? GET OVER YOURSELVES! Could you be ANY MORE self-centered?!
In my 42 and a half years of living, here is an important lesson I have learned:
No one is paying nearly as much attention to you as you think.
Honest. I promise.
You know what people are thinking about? Themselves. They are worried THEY look fat, or that people will notice they're on their third drink already, or that they just know they're gonna have a panic attack and have to run out of the room in the next minute. (That's usually what I'm thinking.)
And you know what else? Even if they ARE paying attention to you? Who cares? Isn't showing up for your kid or your husband more important?
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Really. It isn't. Let 'em THINK you look a little big in the patoot, grab you a bunch of healthy snacks off the Super Bowl party table and have some fun!
Yeesch!
For some reason those women really ticked me off. I guess because I could identify. I have never had body image issues, but as I said, I have had panic attacks which resulted in me not wanting to venture out and risk having one in public. So Marvin Gardensalad had to go places and do things without me, which meant all I could think about was me me me, and my big panic attack problem.
Eventually I figured out the whole "no one is looking at you nearly as much as you think" thing. And also the whole "it's really sort of more important to get over yourself and be there for your husband even if you're uncomfortable" thing. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's what you have to do, and it always turns out okay, even when it doesn't. It is always better to go out there and be nice to someone else rather than staying home and indulging your fears and insecurities.
Which was really a relief to learn.
And I had to do it without Carson Kressley!
