I have kept a diary since fifth grade, when my Grammy got me a Holly Hobby-esque one for Christmas. She also got me a pen with Chanel No. 5-scented ink that same year, and if anyone is wondering what I would like for Christmas, I would still totally enjoy such a thing. I am serious. It was TOO COOL writing with Chanel No. 5 ink. I think I also got Arpege ink, but I really had never heard of Arpege, so that didn't have the same caché.
I had, however, heard of Caché.
Anyway, for weeks now I have wanted to post some excerpts from my lovely diaries, starting with this nice one from fifth grade, and right when I was gonna do it, Dooce posted from HER diary. This totally would have made me look like a copycat. I already have a dog who looks like Dooce's dog.
Things like this happen to me all the time. When Marvin and I got married, I asked my stepfather to read the poem somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond by ee cummings--and you'd think I'd be irritated by ee cummings and his lowercase thing but I am actually fine with it, which just shows you how deep and meaningful I am, which is soon to be revealed in this diary from 1976--and do you know like two weeks before my wedding, stupid Brandon and Kelly read that poem at their soon-to-be-defunct wedding on 90210? And I am sorry if I have ruined the plot twist for you, there, on 90210, if you have yet to catch up on your 1998 television viewing.
Also, when we got Winston, I wanted to name him Chairman Mao, and I did call him that for a day, until people started saying, "Oh! Like that cat on Friends!" Okay, crap. I thought I was soooooo clever with Chairman Mao, but no. Apparently I was upstaged by Monica Gellar or someone.
So, without further ado, here are some excerpts from my fifth-grade diary. Anything is brackets is me trying to explain the unexplanability that is me in 1976. All spelling and punctuation are original:
Monday, Janauary 5: Sorry for spelling January wrong. I'm just worried about the spelling Bee. We get in line and Mr. Brandt gives us words. I got santifacation and accelerator wrong out of 67 words.
Okay, first of all, you are clearly born with your personality. I am apologizing to myself for spelling mistakes. But I also love how I continue to misspell my misspelled spelling "Bee" words. Nice learning from one's mistakes.
Friday, January 30, 1976: Tammi said to Kim I was stuck up. Also, she has been saying things making me so mad. Tammi addmitted she lied about Kurt liking me. Tammi thinks she's TERRIFIC because she's 2nd in spelling. She's a big fat lug.
And my relationships? Not really much more mature 32 years later. Also, I love the spelling bee envy.
Saturday, January 31, 1976: Bowled an 89 and a 73. A good game. Beth's mom might have to go to the hospital and guess who has to take care of Beth again? Mom promised me we wouldn't have to again. [I] put on fingernail decals. Pies.
Oooo! Foreshadowing! Pies! Oh, and Beth was my best friend. Nice empathy. And let's discuss someone's way too high of self-esteem on the bowling scores. Good game? A 73? For the record, that'd still be a good game for me today. Anyway, we did end up taking care of my poor friend Beth. My hospitality knew no bounds...
Tuesday, Febuary 3, 1976: Beth WILL not leave me alone. She's copying me again. She told everyone she was a ballerina. She just said that because I am. Also, her favorite singer was Bette Midler last week but this week it's Elton John. If Beth messes the room up and doesn't clean it up, she'll stay in here till she does. With NO food. I'm just going to say it. SIT ON IT, BETH!
Who was I, Joan Crawford? With NO food! Yeah, I'm sure my mother would have been all for that. Let's let this poor child, whose mother is in the hospital, stay in this room with no food till she cleans it up. Couldn't they have let her stay anywhere else, an orphanage, so that she'd have been treated better than my Elton-John-loving, pie-decal-nailed self? Yeesch!
Thursday, Febuary 12, 1976: Mr. Brandt moved me in the first row first seat. We're having a Valinte party at school tomorrow. I'm mad at Kim. She pushes me around and exepects me to be nice to her. Well, I'm not a Guinea Pig. She doesn't like it she can lump it!
Yeah! I'm nobody's Guinea Pig! Especially on Valinte day!
You know, I was a good student back then. Why didn't I know how to spell "February" yet?
So, that about sums up 1976. The drama, the heartache, the seating arrangements. I hope you enjoyed this trip through time, because if you did, I can take you though the '80s and '90s too!
