Do you want to know who irks me? I mean, other than the friend who STILL HASN'T CALLED ME and people who say "supposibly"? My dog walker. That's who.
Every night she leaves me a note telling me what came out of Tallulah, which is fine, although really, unless an alien came out of her, I do not see why it is really news. But she also seems to think it is perfectly acceptable to dole out dog-rearing advice. Which I did not ask for.
Today the note said, "I was throwing something away today and saw that you are feeding your dog [insert offensive dog food here]. I know she probably likes it, but most folks in the pet world detest it. Please reconsider your choice of that food."
You know what I might reconsider? My choice of DOG WALKER, that's what I might reconsider! When I first got this dog, I did all the research and got her this 29 million dollar dog food at the specialty store, and guess what? She wouldn't eat it! And guess what else? I am not feeding my dog glass and arsenic. She is a healthy weight, has a lovely coat and tons of energy. I hardly think it is ANYONE'S BUSINESS what I feed my dog as long as I am FEEDING HER.
Oh, it burns me up. Who does she think she is? She is the DOG WALKER, not the dog police. I am halfway tempted to leave empty bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 and vials of heroin around Tallulah's bowl just to see what she'll do with that.
"Most folks in the pet world." Is this another planet that I am unfamiliar with? I have FOUR PETS. What world am I in if not the pet world? Just today at work someone said to me, "You'd fly to China to adopt a kitten, wouldn't you?" And yes, yes I would. "Most folks in the pet world."
And stop THROWING THINGS AWAY IN MY HOUSE and CREEPY CRAWLING through my pets' food! Why does she need to throw anything away, anyway? All she is supposed to do is enter the house, get the dog, attach the dog to a leash, walk the dog and bring the dog home. What in that scenario involves throwing items away? The poop gets thrown away outside. Thank you.
Oh, it burns me up. Can you tell?
In other news, Marvin joined a gym, a fact that tickles me to no end. He joined the gym that is down the street from us, the one where when we walk the dog--you know, the one we are killing with the bad food that isn't sanctioned by the pet world?--she barks at the wall where people are playing racquetball. All those balls hitting the wall drive her berserk.
Or maybe she is just trying to tell us, "My food sucks! I'm going to barf! Barf, barf! Barf!"
