I'm in Akron! I know! And it's JUST like how they show it in the movies and on post cards. I have dreamed of seeing Akron for so long.
Now everyone who is reading this in Akron hates me. Really, though, Akron people, I am on my way to Saginaw, Michigan, which is equally as glamorous as Akron. Do you wonder if I'm being paid by the Akron today?
The reason I am on the road without Jack Kerouac is because I decided I wanted to see my Uncle Jim for my birthday. Of course, there's the part where I live TWELVE AND A HALF HOURS from my Uncle Jim. So I kill kill killed myself to get all my work done yesterday, and I left work at noon and started driving.
I wanted to take my GPS system up to the room with me and make out with it. That thing ROCKS! And Marvin set it up so it talks like a British man, so it's like I'm driving with Barry Gibb. My father said having a GPS is like being on a road trip with someone who only talks when it's important, and they always know what they're talking about.
Every time Barry speaks, though, it startles me. I forget he's in the car. But because he's British, he says "motorway." "In 800 yards, bear left, then take the motorway." Oh, it's lovely.
My goal was to drive straight to Saginaw, but hi. After nine hours, I started to get a little logy. Even though I kept calling my friend David and singing bad songs from the radio into his voice mail. I sang "Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong" and also "Saved the Best for Last" by Vanessa whats-her-name. The Miss America who was naked.
So here I am, in a business center at Holiday Inn, typing all of you. And how nice was it to check my email and get 9,835,021 happy birthday wishes when I'd spent my night alone in a Holiday Inn? Well, alone with my GPS. If you know what I mean.
And let's discuss this Mary Todd Lincoln computer. Really, computer, slow down. Enjoy life. Cause I don't have to GET ON THE ROAD or anything.
So you'll probably get this post on 2015. I had better get driving again. Thank you all for the comments yesterday! Special mention to Faithful Readers Lee and Jan, who stalked me on White Pages.com and called me at home! You two kill me. Well, not literally. Yet.
Okay, be talking to you from my mother's equally fast computer.
