Bye Bye, Pie!

Mona Lisa in yoga class. It's just a funny visual.

I stayed up till 11:00 last night to watch Mad Men, so you know I have no personality today. I will be brief and to the point. It'll be like a man wrote this. 1) How is everyone doing on... Read more →

Twit

Faithful Reader Karen sent me these lovely photos of me at Halloween in 1992. Her brother had this annual Halloween party that was to die for. In case you can't figure it out, I was Madonna. And also Dignified. That... Read more →

I got 99 problems but a tooth ain't one

Tallulah: Lula look out window to earn keep and Henry do it too. Otherwise, Big Hair throw us out. Francis told Lula! Believe it or not, I am not going to complain about any physical discomfort today. Instead, I have... Read more →

It's a small intestine after all

Have you wondered where I've been all day? Or have you been going about your life, indifferent to my stupid blog? I'll tell you where I've been all day, oh Indifferent One. I've been TRYING NOT TO BARF, that's where... Read more →

This whole dental thing just gets more charming

Guess who has a dry socket!? No wonder it hurt like the dickens. The dentist said I was very tough. He said my mouth looked really painful, and then the part where he TREATED the dry socket? He said most... Read more →

Hump day

Tallulah has started humping the cat again. I'd say it's been a good six months since she's violated poor Winston in this fashion, but ever since she got back from boarding at day care last weekend she is back at... Read more →

Sans tooth

Last time we spoke, I had more teeth than I do now. Because yesterday was a dumb day. My gums were hurting in the back since Sunday, but the general vicinity of the pain was the same place I had... Read more →

June's favorite things

You know how Oprah has that show where she shows you all the things she likes cause she's a billionaire and can afford everything? This is just like that, except for the part where I am poor. I know we... Read more →

Marvin, Don't Lose that Number

Say, before I forget, if you somehow know my real name (because no, it isn't really June Gardens. How many people not age 187 do you know named June?) and have requested me as a Facebook friend? Please leave me... Read more →

Imagine I'm annoying. It's easy if you try.

I am off on my "romantic" weekend. Here is a rerun from back when I was actually funny. The maintenance guy at work hit on me today, and it is because I go to the vending machine entirely too much.... Read more →

And if you feel like I do baby, come on. Woooo!

Marvin and I will be gone on a "romantic" weekend, so tomorrow I am going to rerun my Yoko post from last year. If you've read me forever, just go find something else to do this weekend. You're Yoko'd out.... Read more →

My uncle

Remember last time I wrote about my Uncle Jim, and his radiologist said there's nothing to radiate? Since then he has had 465747448577394234893 tests and he went to his oncologist today. He's in remission!!! Read more →

Much hairdo about nothing

I write you tonight under extremely unusual circumstances: Marvin is in the other room watching a Clash documentary. I just asked him, "What could you possibly learn about the Clash that you don't already know?" and he said, "I'll find... Read more →

In a gadda da vida. Or, five pictures of Tallulah's tongue.

Clearly I am obsessed with showing you photos from my pink surprise party I threw for myself five years ago. This was the part where I went outside and came back in and made everyone yell, "SURPRISE!" Boy. What a... Read more →

We admitted we were powerless

Before I talk about my hair, which I'm sure you're thrilled I'm going to discuss again, let's talk about tonight's Martha Washington/Ma Ingalls/Annie Oakley evening I had, over here. I got home from work and Marvin was already home, pleased... Read more →

Do you know what I am glad about? I am glad people have pretty much stopped saying "chi-chi" when they mean fancy.

Okay! So Sunday dawned bright and early, as opposed to Sunday dawning at noon, like we're in Finland or something, and I got ready for CHI experience number two. I don't mean that I pooped on my CHI. I mean... Read more →

A little butterine never hurt anyone

If anyone were to ask, "Who is June?" this photo pretty much sums it up. Wearing pink, liking drama, being the center of attention, eating something terrible for me. Yep. I know I have shown you pictures from this pink... Read more →

Hulk Answers

(In case you missed yesterday's post, I asked people to write in with questions for Faithful Reader Hulk, who is in that teensy minority of male Bye Bye, Pie readers. Hulk comments regularly, and about 17,000 women have written in... Read more →

Ask Hulk. And his survival pie.

Gee, it's a shame none of you comment anymore. I kid! As of this writing, I have over 200 comments on my last post, because I asked you all to tell me how old you are. Faithful Reader Accidental Housewife... Read more →

Delurk time!

I just spent my normal blogging time watching our last episode of Entourage that we have, so we can return it to the kind people at Netflix. That show makes me homesick for the life I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT LIVE... Read more →

I DRIED IT

I can't get on my blog at work, so I can't comment, which means I have to make a whole post, but I'm over here jumping up and down in my chair screaming, "I DID DRY MY HAIR BEFORE I... Read more →

A Tale of Two CHIties. Really, it's just a tale of one, but "A Tale of One CHIties" didn't make sense. As opposed to that clear-as-a-bell "Tale of Two CHIties."

Okay, so, I bought the CHI. I bought it at lunchtime today, because I am impetuous that way, and I actually don't really know what "impetuous" means. Does it mean impulsive? Cause I just could have said that, then. So,... Read more →

Thank you for being a friend...

First of all, why can I not get enough of The Golden Girls? I didn't watch it that often when it was a real show because I was 20 and it was on on Saturday nights. Remember when you would... Read more →

Book Club

I don't know if I've told you I am in a book club at work. I know that is scintillating information, and you wonder how I could have abstained from announcing it before this. My QUESTION, smarty-pants, is, does anyone... Read more →

Fran and his corn hole. An unpleasant tale about unpleasantries under a tail.

Yesterday was a dumb day. I was all set to go to The Nester's, as she was having a swap meet. A bunch of us were gonna take some household items we didn't want and, you know, swap them with... Read more →

The Great DCRmom Meeting

Not since Begin and Sadat has there been such an anticipated get-together. After two and a half years of reading each other's blogs and emailing each other ad museum, the great and powerful DCRmom of Musings of a Housewife and... Read more →

Ask June. Back and better than ever.

Really, it's kind of the same and not better than ever. I just wanted to be honest with you. But hey, before we begin, let's throw in the Obligatory Henry Shot: Who's my little fuzzy kitten head? Who is nice... Read more →

In which I discuss smells a lot

It's 8:30 at night and I am bored. Marvin is in there watching a Kate Bush documentary. Do you know what Kate Bush sounds like? You know the part where I'm not allowed to sing in the house? Imagine how... Read more →

Two years. Does that make me an official Southerner?

It was two years ago today that we moved to North Carolina. I cried. Remember how depressed I was? Oh! It was an adjustment. But look at all the things I've learned since then! I've learned that you simply must... Read more →

Please don't talk about love tonight. Please don't talk about sweeet love. Please don't talk about bein' true. And all the trouble we been through.

Do you know what I wanted to do today when I was deciding what to post about? (And you'll be stunned to hear I decide what to post about as I walk from the bedroom to the computer room after... Read more →

Phat

Yeah. So, I got fat again. Last fall, I got prescribed Topamax for my migraines. My doctor warned me that the two biggest side effects were skinniness and stupidity. Okay, he used words like "cognitive" and "weight loss," but he... Read more →