I could not wait to get home and fix my bra straps. All day my left strap kept visiting my elbow, like they were long-lost friends who couldn't wait for a coffee klatch. Like they were Celie and Nettie in The Color Purple. You and me, us never part. Makidada.
Stupid effing strap. I'm certain I looked professional dipping down my shirt all day.
Also, human resources had me take this ethics thingie online, and one of the things it talked about was you aren't supposed to blog about the workplace, so I guess I will shut up about work on this blog now. Before I stop talking about it, I discovered next to the Starbucks machine today a cappuccino maker.
Okay, I am done. No more talking about my cool workplace. Oh, and I noticed a big bowl of candy at the receptionist's desk. And did I tell you Fridays we get beer? Okay, really done now.
So, what's new with everyone? I feel like I haven't talked to anyone, so wrapped up am I with my dramatic change of life. Tallulah is depressed, by the way. This morning she was lying on the bed, and usually no matter how tired she is, if she sees you coming toward her, she will at least flump her tail when you approach. Today when I said goodbye there was no flumping. I feel bad for her.
Marvin is taking her on a walk as we speak. You know, he is home all day with her, still. But she likes him about 1/100th as much as she likes me. What can I tell you? I'm the one who plucked her off the street. Plus I just have a more charming personality. And I'm not deaf.
Marvin must have used my GPS, because I have been using it to get to work this week, and is it loud at all? You know I set it to the male British voice, so I can pretend I am riding in the car with Barry Gibb, except now it's like Barry Gibb is screaming at me. "TURN LEFT! TAKE THE MOTORWAY!" Except it's British, so it's "TAKE THE MOTAWAY!"
BLOODY SLUT!
Really, things should be beautiful around here by the time we're in our 80s. Maybe by then they will have invented some kind of pill to cure deafness. Of course, Marvin will not have heard about it. BAH!
I should go. As luck would have it, I was sent ANOTHER EFFING BOOK by someone I forgot to tell I got a real job. So now I have to proofread that, although I did send her an email saying THIS IS THE LAST ONE. LEAVE ME ALONE.
BLOODY SLUT.
So now I'm back up to three books again, which is not good. Except for the part where we will be rich. RICH! I tell you!
Oh, yeah, here's what I was gonna tell you, then I'm gonna go. My birthday's coming up, and I told Marvin I didn't want anything stupid this year. "What do you mean by stupid?" he asked.
"I mean anything that you are buying me because YOU secretly want it," I said. "I want something girly and pretty, not something, for example, mechanical, like a Kindle."
"Okay," said Marvin. Then after a minute, he said, "I'll return your Kindle."
He actually got me a Kindle! I totally nailed it! And no, I don't want one. And you know what he did? He didn't return it. He kept it. What did I tell you? Something he secretly wanted. I know all. One year he's gonna get me hearing aids.
Okay, really going.
Oh! One more thing!
How much do you hate my guts? How many times have you hovered your mouse over the red X, up there? Okay, here's the one more thing. I have tried coconut M&Ms. And we are going to have a problem. And issue, as it were. Have you tried these snacks of the devil? Be prepared to pawn your Kindle. They are that good.
Done! Hit the red X! You bloody slut!
