Usually I get Fran a bag of Baked Lay's for his birthday, but he has gotten so fat I could not bring myself to enable him. If he were a person, he'd be one of those crane-to-get-him-out-of-his-home people. Okay, perhaps that's an exaggeration, but he'd at least be Junior Samples.
Junior Franples. "549" is Francis' weight.
Hey, what's with Google Images changing how they do pictures now, and when you look something up it's a whole messy jumble of photos and it's really really hard to illegally get images like the one I stole above? How dare they make it hard for me to break the law. Bastards.
Speaking of weight, last night I was out with some friends, and I was wearing a t-shirt and desperately holding in my stomach the entire time. We were with a woman I did not know that well, and I noticed for the first time how good her body was. She is probably my age, although I no longer have any basis in reality for that sort of thing, because I'll see some hagged-out old withered woman and she'll say, "Eeeeyuuup. Just turned 45 last week." I mean, women with the face of one of those apple dolls are 45, and I think, do I look like that? I keep forgetting I'm not 24.
The point is, this woman from last night had flat abs in her tshirt, as opposed to my rollicking ocean of abs going on, over here, she had really good lats, and those pretty Michelle Obama arms, you know what I mean? With the lean muscles.
We were all getting ready to leave and I pulled her aside. "I just have to ask you," I said, "How is it you look so dang good?"
After the usual Southern "Aren't you sweet"s and "Bless your heart"s and "You look good, too, honey"s that Southern people have to do for the first hour and 15 minutes after you compliment them (California people would not even thank you. They would just stampede to their workout plan), she said, "You know what really matters? Your diet. You can do all the exercising in the world, but your diet has to be right for it to show up."
Crap.
Have you met my diet?
Here is what I ate yesterday. And Faithful Reader Furry Godmother, you may want to lay a pillow on the floor, so when you fall over dead you don't crack your head.
Two Pop-Tarts. Blueberry flavor, because blueberries are antioxidants.
Spaghetti and eggplant parm, spinach salad and TWO pieces of garlic bread, courtesy of my workplace that brings in fattening food every day for us. Thanks.
A brownie, also from my workplace, left over from a meeting. Thanks again.
And for dinner? Blueberry Frosted Mini-Wheats (see above re antioxidants), and because I was still hungry, some fettuccine alfredo.
This was in no way an atypical day for me.
So, today's question for Wedges of Wisdom Wednesday or whatever we call it is, What do you eat in a typical day?
I am curious if I am the worst eater out there. There has to be someone worse than me. Are any of you heroin addicts? You must have worse diets than me. Is anyone a binger and purger? Surely you ate more than me. Please tell me you ate more than me. Even if you did not, you know, retain it.
Okay. I was honest. Now you be.
