I have many topics today, as opposed to the needle-sharp precision I usually have regarding my topics, so let's begin.
To differentiate my subjects today, instead of numbers or letters, I will use my personal fears as separators.
Choking. I cannot begin to tell you how irritated I am at Ulta. I will never never never go in there again. Not if they sell the Barry Gibb/Jude Law/baby leopard/sparkly Hello Kitty eye shadow set. Never. Again. Faithful and attentive readers will remember that they gave me an appointment card recently for a hair color appointment, then when I showed up, my hairdresser was on vacation.
If that weren't bad enough, the one stylist working could not fit me in. I had to ask to see a manager rather than just be offered one as I should have been, and only the retail manager was available. She assured me the salon manager would call me that weekend to make it up to me, maybe give me my hair color at a discount.
The salon manager never called.
I called Ulta THREE TIMES through the following week and the salon manager never returned my calls.
If that weren't enough to hate the place? Yesterday I opened my credit card bill and I had a charge for $29.95 for In Style magazine, which is affiliated with Ulta. Every time I go there they ask if I want In Style and I say no. Yet somehow they managed to charge me for it.
Have I mentioned I hate Ulta and even if they offered me free hair straightening for life I would no longer darken their doorstep? If they offered me a puppy a day for 30 days plus a Mini Cooper with sequins on it and nose reduction surgery? Okay, maybe if they offered me that.
Parasites. We should decide what book we want to read for book club. I had suggested we read something from our childhood and you all seemed down with that. Some readers suggested current kid's books, but see, I really wanted to take a trip back to my OWN childhood. So the books suggested that I can recall are:
The Wind in the Willows
James and the Giant Peach
Charlotte's Web
Little Women (and then there is a new book out written from the perspective of the dad while he is away that we could read after. The reader who suggested it said she still thinks about that book, she liked it so much)
Are You There God? It's Me Margaret.
I am certain you will let me know if I forgot any of your suggestions. Let's take votes through Saturday morning and then we will decide.
Barfing. You know I don't barf. {knock wood} I have not barfed since 1982, and I was drunk that time so it hardly counts. Hate the barfing. Anyway, my cats and my dog got collars. Francis did not get a collar, because he is old and infirm. But everyone who, you know, moves around got one.
Tallulah received two collars from Lucky Fiona, who Faithful Reader Lindy got me started on when she was nice enough to get Lu a collar in the spring.
This is the one fashionable Talu is sporting, The Pally. I also got her a pink collar with cherries on it.
Here is our Talu trying to bite her new collars. Because she is grateful like that.
I got Winston and Henry collars from Miss Moustache, which sadly could be my name if I weren't married.
Henry has never had a collar before, I don't think. I was waiting for him to get big, which apparently is never going to happen. You can see how pleased he is. But doesn't he look jaunty in his argyle?
I would like you to concentrate on Winston's pretty stripey collar and the part where he is doing something untoward to Henry and not to my floor which is ALREADY FILTHY. Does anyone remember my cleaning episode from the other day? Hate.
Tarantulas. Tallulah's day care has a Facebook page now, and if you look at their info, below, who do you see? Who is that pretty blonde checking out the big dogs?
We are so proud of our little child model. Our little Brooke Shields. Bark Shields.
Anaphylactic shock. Wow, I think that is all I have to cover. You know I will get in the car to go to work and remember what else I wanted to tell you. I'll text you all while I'm careening down the freeway. Doesn't that sound like a good plan?
