I spent all night dreaming about whether you capitalize "use" in a headline. These are the sorts of nerdy things I dream about. I said yes, you should cap it, because it is a verb and not a conjunction, and the rule is conjunctions that are less than four letters get lowercased, not verbs.
Everyone around me said no, you don't cap the word "use."
The rest of you dream about being able to fly, or being multicolored Jello, or rolling around with Colin Farrell, and I dream about whether "use" should be capitalized.
Anyway, it's Wednesday, and that means I wake up to the fact that I am boring, and also it's Pieces of Wisdom day. And Prince Spaghetti day. Does anyone remember that commercial?
Yesterday's question was not about Prince Spaghetti day, thank God, but rather about what you do to relax. Six million four hundred thousand and ten of you answered.
Here are some of the more popular answers. (When I got home last night, Marvin was trying to put something on the Kindle, and I hate to tell you this but sometimes Marvin can be awfully grouchy. I mean, it's not like he was at the computer because he was coming up with a homework assignment for his fifth-graders, or writing a heartfelt email to a long-lost friend. He was trying to put his old blog, from 2006, which four people read, all of whom he was related to, on Kindle.
"Can you help me take pictures for Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday?" I asked.
"CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DOING THIS VERY IMPORTANT TASK!" steamed Marvin, and no. No, I could NOT see that he was doing a VERY IMPORTANT task.
Anyway, my point is, he would not get up from the computer, so you will notice all our photos are from the vantage point of a giant crab apple who was sitting at the computer. Which I guess you wouldn't have noticed because you have never been here. Also, he would only take one photo apiece for each theme.
Won't you all stampede to your Kindles and IGNORE MARVIN'S 2006 blog?)
See. This would have been a more effective shot outside. N'est pas? I have no idea what n'est pas means, I just wanted to sound intellectual. Instead I sounded like kind of a tool. Anyway, a lot of you said you exercise to relax, a thing I have never understood. Exercise TIRES ME OUT, but it has never relaxed me. Not once. Usually it makes me nauseated.
I was surprised at how many people take the pharmaceuticals. Here I am with my pharmaceuticals, which do not relax me but get rid of migraine, which I suppose is relaxing in its own way. As you can see, I was lying on the floor, thinking if I looked passed out with my pills in a Valley of the Dolls way, it'd be funny, but Winston assumed I wanted him to crawl right on me, which negated a passed-out kind of a shot. Also, maybe I'd relax more if that floor were EVER CLEAN. Have you noticed it is NEVER CLEAN? And I clean it! Like, once a week!
It's never clean. Who decided to paint it green? Also? Nice chins. Not on the floor. On me.
Many of you have sex to relax, and I crack myself up. And yes, I know my shoes totally rock.
Do you enjoy my sexy dog fur on my pants? Nothing entices a man like dog fur. Believe it or not, that is yellow Lab fur, not Talu fur, for I was cheating on Talu last night with a yellow Lab. Not in this shot. Please do not call the police.
I finally got crabby Marvin to join me in the bathroom, because there was no other way for me to show you that many of you get in the bathtub and/or read.
You can imagine how often I am cracking open that Joy of Cooking in real life. You can imagine how often I bathe in real life.
There were many other answers, if you are interested, and if you are, go look at yesterday's comments. And relax.
In the meantime, I have to go look up whether "use" gets capitalized or not. Am getting tense about it. BAH!
