It's Tuesday, which means Tallulah is at day care, and also it is Pieces of Wisdom day. This week we are having an extra-special event, in which we all Queer Eye my pal Hulk. Even if we are straight women.
Hulk and I went to high school together. We were on newspaper staff--he was sports editor, I think, and I was features editor. Which makes perfect sense, because Hulk is obsessed with sports, which you will soon see, and I was obsessed with...features. Okay, perhaps it doesn't make PERFECT sense. Shut up.
At any rate, after high school we only saw each other once, in our early 20s, when we ran into each other and were having a great time until my ex-boyfriend showed up with another girl. This resulted in me throwing my purse across the room at them, and screaming and crying, and Hulk standing there helplessly because eight seconds earlier I had been a perfectly fine sane person. I tore off into the night in a dramatic huff, which is how I tore off everywhere when I was in my 20s, and I always felt bad that I did that to Hulk.
Two years ago we were reunited on Facebook, and I immediately apologized to him for my behavior in 1988.
"What are you talking about?" he asked. All that time I had felt horrid and he had no recollection.
"Did I at least try to sleep with you?" he wondered.
Anyway. Shockingly, Hulk is single, and is a very regular commentor on this blog. I mean, I do not know how often he poops, although I'm sure he would tell us. I mean he comments all the time. And all the womenses on here just love him. So someone or other came up with the idea that maybe Hulk needs wardrobe help, because he mentioned that he did not know those stupid Tom Sawyer jean shorts were unfashionable. This is why we are having a Critique Hulk's Wardrobe-stat!-Pieces of Wisdom day.
So take a gander at his pictures, write in your suggestions for what he should be wearing (or if you like what he has on and you would totally tap that, let us know that, too), and include links to clothes you like, if you want to go that far.
Let's begin, shall we? Because Edsel is eating the floor and I have to get out of this room and find him another hobby. Did I mention Talu is at day care?
Here are Hulk's hats. I am abstaining from comment. I am just the messenger.
Hulk's shoes. Trying very hard not to comment.
Hulk's "party" shirts. I would like to mention he lives in Michigan, not Tahiti.
Shirts he wears to work.
Oh dear God in heaven, let me abstain from comment.
MMrrfff, mrrfft! Slapping hand over mouth. Trying not to say, "Howwwwwww does he have so many Indians shirts?"
"I'm Hulk. Do not mess with my fine wardrobe.You will not like me when I'm angry."
"Poker? I don't even know her!"
Here is what Hulk wears to church, and I apologize, Hulk, that I titled this one "Hulk worships, God giggles." I really don't think this ensemble is that bad. I like how you live in a studio apartment with a nice fireplace.
Okay, my floor has been eaten. Must go. Discuss.
