I think this might be our most popular Pieces of [Wardrobe] Wisdom yet. Yesterday I put poor Faithful Reader Hulk on my blog so you all could pick apart his wardrobe. Wisdomly-y. As I type this, there are way over 100 comments telling him to do this and that. I have no idea how Ima condense all this fashion info.
Let's start with another look at Hulk, shall we?
Here is Hulk.
Here is Hulk in high school, when I met him. Heeeeeee...
If you want to see all the wardrobial action Hulk showed us, look at yesterday's post.
Most important, a lot of the womens said Hulk was cute, which I am sure delighted him to no end. And probably prompted not a few, "How YOU doin'?" emails from the Hulkster himself to said womens.
Also, we pretty much univerally took issue with his choice of jeans. We told him he needs to get dark jeans, not fadey ones, a tip Marvin could also use, and which I have told him 204840 times.
I Googled Levi's men's dark jeans and got this image off Amazon. They also had men's skinny jeans, and the thought of Hulk parading around in men's skinny jeans set me off on a giggle fest the likes of which the world has never seen. Anyway, this is the shade we are talking, Hulk. If you are all up in the skinny jeans, have at it. I also think you left your tu-tu here last week.
While we are concentrating on Hulk's lower half (how YOU doin'?), we all seemed to take issue with his shoes. I should offer the caveat that a few "deep" women commented with the whole, "Let Hulk just be himself. There is nothing wrong with the way he dresses. He is who he is."
We are ignoring y'all all. Did you say something, deep womens? Because I think you're late for your Emo-Skills-Building class.
Anyway, back to his dreadful shoes.
He showed us many gym shoes, and then when we poked fun at him for that, he also let us know he had "semi-formal Sketchers" for work, a term not just one commentor said was an oxymoron. One faithful reader sent a photo of these shoes as a suggestion:
Another sent these:
And Faithful Reader and Friend in Real Life (I need a shorter title for this. FR&FIRL. Furinfurl. That makes sense.) Carpool Queen suggested these:
But then another reader emailed me anonymously and said, "Why is everyone suggesting all those mental patient shoes for Hulk?" which liked to kill me.
Now as for me, I like men in shoes like these:
I like the whole scruffy boot thing. Also, this happens to be my personal boyfriend Jude Law in this picture and I note he is pulling off the skinny jeans. So to speak.
Another definite note to Hulk was NO HORIZONTAL STRIPES and NO HAWAIIAN SHIRTS. He had both going on and there was hardly one person who said hells yeah to that. Because who says, "Hells yeah" in real life?
There was some argument over Hulk's manymanymanymany sports-related clothes and hats. Some said ditch them altogether and some said you may keep them, but ONLY wear them to a sports bar. For a sports event. With other sporty people about you. Then, sadly, Hulk told us that one of his winter jackets was also a (sit down) (shut the front door) SPORTS-THEMED jacket, and everyone said, "Oh, hell no."
Everyone agreed he needs a pea coat.
See what I did? I inserted the fruitiest-looking picture of a man wearing a pea coat that I could find. This looks like a guy Hulk and I went to school with. A guy who was in swing choir and who wore sweaters tied around his neck. I am all for loving the gay man, but Hulk wants him some ladies.
Okay, now this man is hot. In a "Where's my leader dog?" kind of a way. This is what we mean when we say pea coat, Hulk. Only I think all of us meant a navy blue or otherwise dark one.
Finally, we had a lot of people telling Hulk to shave his head completely. And some people wanted him in new glasses. There was no stone left unturned on poor Hulk Tuesday. Someone even hoped he was wearing boxer briefs.
All in all, we agreed that Hulk was an excellent sport to let us nag him and pick him apart and criticize him and poke fun at his jaunty wreath on his fireplace and basically remind him why he is single after all.
Hulk, to thank you for participating in this ridiculous endeavor, I am sending you a lovely gift (as if all this fashion advice weren't gift enough):
Yes! A pair of emergency underpants! Because if you take our advice, you may never make it home again, so pulling-you-into-their-homes will women be, and you can just slip these on and go back to work the next morning!
You're welcome.
P.S. I almost forgot. My Furnful or whatever I said I was gonna call real-life friends/readers Laurie made these pictures of Hulk, cleverly improving his look through the miracle of photoshop.
I am digging the Cosby sweater. With the clothes and the shoes and the Jello Pudding. How YOU doin', Jello Pudding?
