Before I begin this week's incredibly important Pieces of Wisdom question, let me remind you that we are doing Christmas good deeds, or should I say HOLIDAY good deeds--sorry--and if you wish to sign up, you may do so on my Sunday post. Which means, yes, you have to scroll all the way down TWO WHOLE POSTS. God, how do you do it all?
Also, it is only in that Sunday post that I am asking you not to leave multiple comments, MOM, so that I can pair you up with your good-deed partner without wading through 17 extraneous comments before the next person says "I'm in!" MOM.
You have until December 1 to sign up. After that, you cannot sign up and you have to spend all of December being a dick.
So that's that.
But here we are on Tuesday, November 30, thank all that is holy and merciful, because did I mention it's payday? And did I mention Marvin and I have had separate checking accounts since September because I was sick and tired of him saying we didn't have any money, and I didn't understand how all our money could just, you know, DISAPPEAR every month so I said FORGET IT, we are splitting the bills and I get my own account!
Who has had $5 left and maybe sometimes $-14 left each month? And who always has $1,500 left over? Who is a miser who clings to every penny like Silas Marner? Wait. Did Silas Marner cling to every penny? Am I thinking of Simon Legree? Crap.
It is so UNFAIR. And he is such a JERK when he has to loan me, you know, $10 so I can go to the movies the weekend before payday. Because maybe I might make quite a bit more money than Marvin. And maybe he LORDS it over me every time I am out of money.
You know what I think? I think he is STEALING from my account. Buying eye shadow at Ulta just to trip me up.
Shockingly, this has nothing to do with today's pieces of wisdom topic and I have no idea how I got off on this tangent.
My cousin Katie, who is good with her money and often buys things and returns them out of guilt, had a dream recently that she went to Baskin-Robbins and they had named an ice cream flavor after her.
The Katie [insert Katie's middle and last name] Red Raspberry Sorbet.
I told her that was the most self-centered dream I had ever heard.
But really, if they were GONNA name an ice cream after her, she totally WOULD be a raspberry sorbet. It's pretty, it's kind of light and elegant, and it's kind of good for you. Her dream summarized her perfectly. Oh, sure, she still has her head up her own arse, but she did a good job of summarizing her ice cream flavor.
And that is today's Pieces of Wisdom question. If you were an ice cream flavor, what would you be? Why?
I would be strawberry. It's perfect for me. It's pink, and I think of it as a classic, but really it's just there to make the Neapolitan look interesting and no one really wants it.
Totally me.
Do you like how it took me 759 paragraphs to ask this simple question? Imagine being around me in real life. Strawberry ice cream.
"Is there any Neapolitan left?"
"There's only the strawberry. Everyone ate the good flavors."
"Crap. Siggghhh. Okay, I'll have that."
