Bye Bye, Pie!

2010 Be Poppin'

Thank you all for coming around this year. Here are some highlights. Or lowlights, depending on your perspective. And remember last year, when you said my accompanying music was like you were listening to Muzak at the thrift store? Poor... Read more →

My Christmas, a highly anticipated story that really isn't that fascinating

So it was Christmas last week. Did you notice? I keep saying Ima tell you about mine, so here I go. We went to TinyTown for Christmas Eve, as we are wont to do. As usual, we had a good... Read more →

June's lips get the attention they deserve

Who adores herself long time? I could NOT bring myself to put on skimpy clothes for that party. It was just so COLD and SNOWY outside. So I kept on my winter ensemble (see above) (do you enjoy my Puss-n-Boots... Read more →

In which June involuntarily lives in the 1800s house, but is not paid by PBS

Oh my good God from Goldsboro, I feel like I have not talked to all 950 million of you in a month. I have so many things to tell you, all of them pertinent, as per usual, but I am... Read more →

Merry Ding-Dang Christmas!

I will tell you all about my Christmas tomorrow, because I'm certain you won't be able to rest until you get every detail, but in the meantime here are more of your holiday good deeds. Keep in mind I know... Read more →

Good Christmas Deeds. Part One of 5929058345.

Guess what. It's Christmas. Below are the good deeds you all did, although there were so many of them that I couldn't list them all in on post. You all rock the haus! I will list more tomorrow. P.S. The... Read more →

Come on feel the Beneful

Marvin has been home on his Christmas break for two days now, and for two mornings in a row his alarm has gone off at 5:00. This morning we were greeted with "Come On Feel The Noise" by ...Ratt? Poison?... Read more →

Pieces of Wisdom: Being greedy about a kidney

I know, I know, I am late posting today. Why are you more busy when you're jobless than when you're not? I had to screech on over to another city today to get tested for drugs for a potential freelance... Read more →

Pieces of Wisdom--Greed Edition

I had a dream last night that I found the best mascara ever. My eyelashes looked like I had slaughtered a mink and slapped its poor pelt up there. Oh, my lashes looked good. In my dream, I kept admiring... Read more →

Chicken

If you want to hear the whole story on what Ima tell you, click here. But I'm just saying. I hope you're on Christmas vacation this week, because I just looked at that post and it is seventy years long.... Read more →

In which June has found her calling

While Marvin got me a gift, I totally went to Target. Because where else can you find a hot young salesboy to seduce? Actually, I was out of my meds, which I suppose has been evident for years. Target was... Read more →

Married Lady

Well, here I am. Naked. How do you like it? I never said there'd be photos. Today Marvin and I are heading out to go shopping. Because we figured no one else would be doing that this weekend. We are... Read more →

In which June returns, with no childhood trauma to tell you about

I hope you got some rest last night, after hearing that terrible story from Marvin's childhood. I really did not know he was gonna get on here and do that. Who loves himself? But, you know, after that awful story,... Read more →

A Great Injustice

Hi. Marvin here. I thought I would take advantage of this snow day (ice day, really) by getting something off my chest that has been bothering me for the last thirty-five years or so. Thanks in advance for your indulgence... Read more →

Pieces of Wisdom re the cat we will probably never see

There are two men blowing leaves, so to speak, next door, and you can imagine how this delights my dogs. What cacophony? They are blowing the leaves into the dead neighbor's lawn across the street, which is rude. Perhaps she... Read more →

A really tiny piece of wisdom that involves a cat, Hulk

Yeah. He climbed that thing like he was Tenzing Norgay. And I'd like to thank Marvin for the 88374 Mt. Everest documentaries, which allow me to toss out names like Tenzing Norgay. You'd think the part where I have a... Read more →

The post about nothing

I haven't got anything to blog about today, so okay bye. See. Here you still are. Even though I said okay bye. You are kind of like Marvin, who can never hang up the phone after the first time he... Read more →

There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?

Love Actually is an underrated movie. That's all I have to say about that. Read more →

In which June inadvertently attends Elizabeth Edwards' funeral

I had such a BIZZELDY day yesterday. I have a statistics textbook to proofread, which I haven't even opened yet, and I was going to start it yesterday. But first, as you know if you read me yesterday and why... Read more →

Diamond June

Who can't stand herself? I set my alarm for 8:00, because I have an appointment at the headache clinic today. You go there and they bang you over the head. BAH. No. It is the final day of my meeting... Read more →

In which June is once again Grace Kelly

You know, I'm a simple soul. I ask for so little. (Everyone who knows me is stitching up their sides in hysterics now. Shut up.) All I ask is that JUST ONCE, JUST ONNNNNNCE, I open the dryer and there... Read more →

Pieces of Normal Wisdom. Also, In Search of Pine Cones.

Thank heavens most of you do not think you are normal. I am among my people. And I liked that some of you think you ARE normal, but you come here to see my lack of normalcy. That works for... Read more →

Pieces of wisdom: Why be normal?

Geez, NOBODY will let me put the reindeer antlers on them. What is the point of OWNING the humiliating antlers if everyone is just going to object to them? You should have seen how quickly Edsel got out of them.... Read more →

Do good. I herd that.

Before I begin, does anyone have any suggestions for getting a dog to stop effing HERDING you? I always said I never wanted any of those annoying herding dogs, and then who went out and got herself a shepHERD mix?... Read more →

June's Tour of Homes. Home. Whatever.

First and most important, and for the record there is never any reason to say "most importantly," just in case you were going to use that phrase for any reason, it is Tallulah's birthday today. Faithful Reader and Overachieving Friend... Read more →

In which June shows you her shakers

The dead woman across the street changed her flag to a pointsettia. Which leads me to wonder, is she reading my blog from the grave? (When my friend Paula was having chemo this year, she had to sit in a... Read more →

You gain 15 pounds, whattaya get? Tons of shots and a tag on yer neck.

I did not post this morning because Edsel and I had to go to the vet for his puppy shots. Not that we did shots. We had a little hair of the dog. BAH. Anyway. Edsel has gained 15 pounds... Read more →

Festive

In fact, I did not lie listlessly on the couch yesterday. You know, much. I decided to schlep up to the attic and get out the Christmas decorations. Which by the way was a stupid idea, because it is really... Read more →

Pieces of--oh, screw it

I interrupt this important what-flavor-ice-cream would you be Pieces of Wisdom for an important announcement. I got laid off. Crap. About 30 of us did, from what I understand. We lost a big client at work--at EX-work--and when they told... Read more →