First and most important, and for the record there is never any reason to say "most importantly," just in case you were going to use that phrase for any reason, it is Tallulah's birthday today.
Faithful Reader and Overachieving Friend in Real Life Laurie made this photo. She is having us over for dinner? Not that she is a cannibal. And she sent me a list of like 27 different entrees we could chose from that were all fabulous. Not, you know, grilled cheese or mini hot dogs, which would be the selections if you were to dine in my fine home.
At any rate, Talu is three today and she is the best doggie you could ever ask for. If you aimed fairly low. If you asked for a stubborn dog who won't listen and who raises her hackles when baby carriages go by and who topples over small dogs with her snout. Nevertheless, I love her so bad.
I love how she tilts her big Pitty head when I talk to her, and how she presses up on me when we sleep, and how she tolerates and even enjoys Edsel, and how she protected Henry when he was a bitty kitten.
I love how she plays dead when I make a gun out of my finger and say "Bang!" and how she will always DROP IT when I say so, unless it's an actual dead squirrel, and come on. Who could drop that?
And that is why I did this to her:
Look, it's not MY fault she was born at Christmastime. Who even ever heard of puppies being born in the winter, anyway? What kind of screwed-up mom did she have? Was her mom Australian?
But speaking of Christmas, I decked the halls with balls of fake holly yesterday, then proceded to take the world's worst photographs of them. Won't you join me in a home tour of my dreadful taste?
I asked Marvin to go outside and photograph our ball lights, which he hung yesterday before our big snow. For the South, this is a big snow. Anyway, do you see that tiny red light and tiny green light in the tree on the right? Squint. That is Marvin's attempt at photographing the balls, as it were. Also, do you enjoy my subtle use of Paint to remove our address?
Here's Marvin's art shot of a ball. Sighhhhh.
What's more exciting than a tree in the middle of the day with its lights off? And yes, I see those bare spots where I have to fluff more. Crap.
I took all the knickknacks off the top shelf and replaced them with Christmas knickknacks. I am not even that into Christmas, but you know who is? My mother. She is practically Mrs. Kringle. This is why I have 1204853032 Christmas decorations.
I would actually like for all of us to have matching stockings, because I am Martha Stewart-y that way. That flowery one was given to me in probably 1992 by my Seattle housemates.
One year we got Marvin's stocking out of the garage in LA where we lived, and there was a spider in it. EWWWWWW!
This tablecloth was my grandmother's and I love it. She is rolling in her grave that a cat is sitting on it. I am sorry to tell you that that matchbook reads "Merry fu****g Christmas." We found it in our old apartment in LA and kept it, because we're ludicrous that way.
This part of our house is blurry. We call it the impressionist area.
I guess I wanted you to appreciate the Eastern Star things that faithful readers sent me. The satanic Eastern Star is duking it out with the Christmas stuff.
Ah, we're back at the impressionist part of the house.
Oh, hey, did you know half the humans who live here are Jewish? Do you like my nod to Hanukkah?
Only Francis is Jewish, out of our four-legged residents. Marvin is the one who told me that. He has Jewdar.
"Get Fran off Christmiss table. Fran Chosen Cat."
I even replaced our kitchen knickknacks with the Twelve Days of Christmas snow globes. Yes, mom DID send me Twelve Days of Christmas snow globes. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to display them, and have to sing the song in your head?
I guess that's all I have to show you. Thank you for joining my tour of Christmas. Won't you go to Laurie's house for tasty Christmas treats?
