Bye Bye, Pie!

Picture book. Pictures of your dogs-a, and your antipasta, a long time ago. Or, yesterday.

I asked all y'all all all to send me pictures of what you were up to yesterday, and here they are. Siren sent me the first photo of her happy-go-lucky self, right at midnight Sunday morning. She did not tell... Read more →

Picture day

Don't forget, today is the day to send me your picture of something from today. I don't care what it is. Send me a picture of the Schwepps in your grocery aisle. I have gotten several pictures already, and here... Read more →

Cranky June

Oh, please. Like I have time to blog. Do you understand just HOW MANY Sopranos episodes there are? Also too, Marvin and I are cleaning up the back yard, which looks like depressed drug addicts own it. Depressed drug addicts... Read more →

Rockwellin out with my smock out

Wouldn't it have been awful if I'd have driven all the way for that Rockwell exhibit and instead of Normal Rockwell it was that idiot Rockwell, who sang Somebody's Watchin' Me? I realize that is the worst video ever. The... Read more →

It's me, you old poop!

We just had drama over here at house o' June. I fed Francis his morning bunny and Tallulah tried the whole get-on-the-angry-chair-to-check-it-out move that Edsel's been doing. You have never seen so much fur fly in your life. Francis smack... Read more →

Pieces of Wisdom--June detoxes. Sort of.

Crap. Yesterday I asked all y'all to give me some advice on how to switch to decaf, even though caffeine is the best best best thing in the whole wide world and why would anyone want to live without it?... Read more →

June and her delicate brain, part deux

I returned to the headache clinic this morning, as I have not seen the headache docor who diagnosed me with a "delicate brain" since May. Because I was in that study of the experimental migraine medicine, I always saw the... Read more →

June gets vinegar-y

A few days ago, I mentioned that I had a bunny in college. My friend Dottie was kind enough to email me a photo of that lovely time of my life. Let's talk. First off, how did I not puncture... Read more →

Soon found out, had a tabletop of glass

When Marvin and I met, you know, the second time--not when we first dated in college but when we got back together in the '90s--he lived in LA and I lived in Seattle. We had a long-distance relationship for about,... Read more →

And eight animal posts is enough to fill our lives with boredom. Also? We spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

Wouldn't this be relaxing? Trying to eat while huge rabid beasts begrudge your every bite? Not to mention having the phone recharger dangling in your Festa di Fantista. I know this blog has been all-pets-all-the-time, live-nude-pets, but I got a... Read more →

June shoots saline up her nose holes. Makes you want to read on, doesn't it?

Yesterday, between my 75 vet appointments, I also called my beleaguered doctor. "Dr. OverMe? It's June." "Yes, June. What is it?" sighed Dr. OverMe. She failed to add the "now," but it was implied. "Will you call me in a... Read more →

Nine lives, all of them crappy

Fran is gonna live, it looks like. Did you ever read that article in The Onion, Cat Refuses to Die? That is so my cranky-arse cat. The vet is pretty sure he has an irritated bowel, which makes sense because... Read more →

Less of Edsel to love

Just took Edsel in for his tutoring. Francis' vet will be here at 10:00. In the meantime, I was Googling dog neutering and found this site. I guarantee you the only people who ever purchased Neuticles for their dog were... Read more →

I heer

"i fyne. eff off." Francis is still among us. I mean, as much as he ever was. The vet is coming tomorrow morning, and all day yesterday he did not barf nor mow. This annoyed me. I was all, I'm... Read more →

Trouble, oh trouble...

I was gonna do a Pieces of Wisdom about what is your favorite picture of yourself, but I feel too crappy to dig my favorite pictures--yes plural--out. Also, I am worried about Francis. He keeps having blood in his stool,... Read more →

And the award for most dramatic cold goes to...

In the immortal words of Martin Luther King, "IIIII have a cold." You know it's bad when I do not care if my socks match. The beige one on the right, there, is left over from when I had a... Read more →

Don't get too attached to me

Oh my shattered arse, I am dying. Can you get pneumonia overnight? And I have 97 hours of proofreading to do. Yesterday I worked from 10 a.m. until midnight or one in the morning. I had a dream that I... Read more →

I got a fever, and the only cure is...more cowbell.

I don't want to worry you sick, but I have a fever of 99.3. I know! In fact, I am not even sure if I am actually up typing this right now. I am kind of delirious. I called my... Read more →

Many things. Because one thing I am is linear.

1) Whenever I see a headline about that poor Gifford woman who got shot in Tuscon, I immediately think they are talking about Frank Gifford. "Gifford's Breathing Tube to be Removed," I'll see, and I'm all, "WHAT HAPPENED TO FRANK... Read more →

Everyone resents Marvin, and June becomes a lesbian trophy wife

Tallulah is so.totally.over. Marvin and his snow days. "make dadee go." We are on DAY FOUR of Marvin not having to work, and the roads are FINE. You have never met a wimpier place than the South. Anyway, Marvin is... Read more →

Pieces of Late Wisdom--Weather Edition

I have returned from being orientaaaated, and if there's anything I love, it's when people say "orientated" instead of "oriented." Anyway, they asked what hourly rate I'd like to get and I whipped out my highest price, and without hesitation... Read more →

I'll be right with you

Before I start getting those, "Are you dead, June?" emails, I just wanted to check in and let you know I have to go to an orientation thingie for that job I interviewed for last week. They're gonna use me... Read more →

Ben. And also Pieces of Rodent Wisdom.

Last night, Marvin and I watched the season finale of Hoarders. There was this guy? And his wife died suddenly at age 39? (Hoarders always have some terrible thing that happened before they become hoarders.) And he got two rats... Read more →

Where's June's spleen?

You guys didn't know that I don't have a spleen? How could I have written a post almost every day for four years and not told you that story? When I was 12, I fell off my Aunt Kathy's balcony,... Read more →

Fred

Is nothing sacred? This is where the cats are supposed to perch, not the dogs. Plus, I love his "What'd I say?" piano-playing feets. He was being more than bad. And pianistic. He was being a tattle-tale. I was in... Read more →

Wild Kingdom

This just came for me in the mail. Has Mutual of Omaha met me? I am not the person you should send this stuff to. Now I am convinced they know something I don't. Cancer insurance. For the love of... Read more →

In which June is a pain-in-the-arse friend

I just got back from taking my friend Laurie to the train station. She is going to Zanzibar or something, and needed someone to take her, because her pretend boyfriend was at work. Six thousand times I have been to... Read more →

Mom made me post this

I have my camera battery in the charger and I was gonna show you pictures of various things, but my mother said she has to go to work at 2:00 and wishes I'd post before she leaves. So it's all... Read more →

Number 49, number 49, number 49...

Seventeen seconds before I had to be out the door for my interview, I realized my black pants were COVERED in cat fur from the knees down. It was like I had on Ugg boots. My pants hang in the... Read more →

Three things

I am in a rush today, but here are three things I must tell you. 1. I have a job interview today. Not for a job job, just to see if they want to use me as a freelancer. Still.... Read more →

Trucks, dead birds, disorders and gangle

This whole thing where thousands of birds fell dead from the sky, and now a bunch of fish have rolled up dead as well? Is freaking me out. In similar freaking out news, there are men in a big truck... Read more →