Bye Bye, Pie!

June 2 Love You

Somebody broke into my work email and sent all sorts of girl-on-girl action emails to my old bosses and such. Nice. I am certain my conservative female choirmember ex-boss has always wanted to see Lez2LoveYou2, and now it has been... Read more →

Goin' to the chapel. Which is 8593055 miles long.

Oh, isn't this the best day ever?! When my alarm went off at 4:50, Tallulah was all, "You have got to be joking." She lifted her head off the pillow, rolled her eyes at me, and went back to bed.... Read more →

Come back tomorrow for wedding talk

In an effort to avoid doing my statistics textbook proofreading, which by the way I have already spent more than FIFTY HOURS on already, I finally fixed the webcam: Except the part where I haven't figured out how to make... Read more →

My Little Chickadee

Yesterday the phone rang in Massachusetts. "Hello?" said my Pal from MA, who is the more normal of the two of us. Which, let's face it, is not that ringing of an endorsement of her normalness. "Can you hear me?"... Read more →

FfRan hAtE yoU aLL yOu (a guest post by Francis)

Yesturday wake up. Normal day. Stretsh claws to see they still there. Yes. shiney. Jump up to bowl. Where fud? Where fud? Where fud? Where fud? Where wawter? Where fud? Wawter? Fud? Fud? Fud? Fud? Big hair come in. Stop... Read more →

Ferrous Sulfate's Day Off

I decided what made me ill yesterday was taking my two iron pills way too close together on Sunday. Since I was all busy getting ready and visiting God and everything, I forgot to take it till late afternoon, then... Read more →

June gags

Today I woke up sick and almost barfed. You know I do not barf. I have no idea what I did wrong. Am trying to think of this as a cleansing weight loss program. Talk at you tomorrow. IF I... Read more →

Edsel's fur has risen today

Laura and I went to church today, and yes I DO realize she just picked me up at PetSmart a few weeks ago and now here we are spending major holidays together already. We went to Mosaic Church, which is... Read more →

Giving and mostly getting

I want you all to dry your tears and carry on like adults, but Juice has won the inflatable toast. Last night before I went to bed, I ran the random number generator to see who'd win at that time?... Read more →

June is no longer a drain on society. Well. Sort of.

I HAVE A JOB! A JOB! A jay oh beee! Oh, what a relief. And yes, it is at the place that fed me ice cream during the interview. Yay! I will get fatter than ever! I start May 2,... Read more →

June at six

In the same place I found my glamor shots from the other day, I also found these: June-being-doted-on-by-her-grandparents-on-her-sixth-birthday shots. First of all, nice secondhand smoke. All my grandparents smoked, and I am certain I was up to at least a... Read more →

Forgetting 38 Pounds

Oh, thank all that is holy and merciful: I just checked my cash sitchyachun, and my two Unemployment checks were put in my account overnight and I am RICH again! Yay! What a relief. At least they act quickly once... Read more →

Wait Until June Flushes

Okay, so I just noticed I had $97 in checking. It's okay, though, because of the $9 I have in savings. Holy crap. Apparently Unemployment has not been paying me, and for those of you not on Unemployment, and God... Read more →

Cause I'm free! Freelancing!

I cannot blog today because I am freelancing on-site all day. As opposed to the outta site proofreading I usually do. BAH! Anyway, because I have to go shower and put on real clothes (as opposed to the virtual clothes... Read more →

This story blows

Yesterday I hauled myself out to Raleigh, there, to get my roots done because I was rootin' out. If I were in a garden, I'd be one of the root vegetables. If I were having a good time, it'd be... Read more →

$30.69 richer

I went to drag queen bingo last night and I am a WINNAH! WINNAH! How much do you wish I'd stop saying WINNAH!? Enclosed please find a photo Marty Martin took with his cell phone of me up there on... Read more →

In which June consumes butter pecan at a job interview

When I was 15 or 16, I went to visit my father in Dallas, and he took me to the studio where he worked as a photographer. His friends got me all dressed up in the fancy clothes and jewelry... Read more →

Winging it

I was in the yard raking feathers, as you do, because this happened: Does anyone remember when Tallulah used to be the jerky dog? Do you? Remember when she ate my Chicago Manual of Style? And my favorite childhood book... Read more →

Pink pink pink pink. Pink blog.

My blog is pink now. In case you hadn't noticed. Here is my favorite song, Pink Moon, to celebrate it. Yay. Please note I did not spell it "yeah," "yea" or "ya." Heavens, people's Facebook updates irritate me. And speaking... Read more →

The dog shouterer

When you last left me, I had purchased the Sensation collar and was all excited to have control over my dogs. Hah! Also? HAH! First of all, when you open the package, it is this...road map of fabric going this... Read more →

June and her star-quality self check in

I was at the doctor this morning, because I'm 86 and my outings mostly consist of going to the doctor. They wanted to recheck my anemia now that they have removed my innards, and also they wanted to see if... Read more →

In which June gathers further evidence that she was a painfully absurd teenager

Last night I went to a French film called Heartbeat, which sadly for all of us has nothing to do with Don Johnson's intoxicating hit of the same name. The point is, I left the theater wishing I were French,... Read more →

How popular is my blog?

I have never been ambitious about this blog. I mean, I wanted people to read it and everything, but once people did, I was all, okay good. But last night we had a big storm and I wasn't gonna go... Read more →

Barf, poop, spiders, embroidered sweatshirts, 11 herbs and spices

I woke up this morning to the sound of Edsel hurling. I do not know if he 's hung over or what his story is, although he has relatively new puppy food--I got it Monday before I went crashing into... Read more →

People get so cranky when you smash into them and dent their car. Geez.

My mother and I went to PetSmart, because I thought it was important that she see me in my natural habitat. And before I get to the part where my car got a mind of its own and smashed into... Read more →

In which mom and I become nature

Yesterday my mother began cleaning my house at about 9 a.m. and did not stop until it was dark out. Which tells you what a bang-up job I do with keeping my house tidy, and also what a great job... Read more →

Things could be worse. I could be Sting.

I couldn't post yesterday because I wasn't home. I was at the hotel, and then once we checked out, I was making myself scarce so that I didn't see Marvin's big moving day. Oooo, but we went to an estate... Read more →

June. Fibroid-free since 2011. (June. Sitting on a big pad since yesterday.) (June. Telling you more than you wanted to know since that last parentheses.)

I just flew in from a propofol high and boy is my uterus tired. So I had my surgery yesterday, and oh, did I mention I was having surgery? Do you wish I'd bring it up more often? Do you... Read more →