Last night in a phone call with my Pal from MA, she said, "HELLO CLITORIS!" and this woman walking past her waved.
See, you don't even need to know the context of what we were discussing, because hello. She was talking to me. Conversations with me always take ugly turns such as phrases like HELLO CLITORIS!, but what kills me is the waving woman.
I mean, was she glad someone finally acknowledged her lady bits? Was that really her name and her parents hated her? Did she think it was a term of endearment, like honey or sugarpie? I really think Pal From MA needs to get to know her neighbor Clitoris a little better. And there is a sentence I say a lot.
In other less personal news, there is a bear in my neighborhood, and that is not a euphemism for the female anatomy. There is literally a bear here. In the paper, they keep showing my ding-dang district-cal area (district-cal is a FINE word) with little bear models hither and yon, like, "Yesterday he was over here (eight inches from my back yard) and today he was spotted here (sunning himself in my driveway)."
This has made my dog walks relaxing, as you can imagine. I keep waiting for the drones of Not-So-Gentle Ben to roar up behind me. And I am telling you what. If a bear comes up, there will be no Sophie's choice about who he gets. Have a nice dog dinner, Mr. Bear. Eat my dust.
Anyway, the whole town of Greensboro has embraced the bear. Somehow the bear has already friended me on Facebook. I am not making this up. And there are already hilarious pictures of him all over town on said Facebook page.
Here he is at the Steak-n-Shake where I am a regular. Soon he and I will be splitting honey shakes. And weighing the same.
Somebody spotted him at a Greensboro Grasshoppers game. And yes, Hulk, I actually know the name of our baseball team! Go, me! Go, bear!
They even made a new "Come to Greensboro" inspirational poster. I do not know why this one slays me so bad. Maybe he came back to raise his family. Maybe he came back to eat your family.
Even the City Council has embraced him.
I stole all these from the bear's Facebook page and I hope I do not anger him. I would not like him when he is angry. He can be a real...bear.
At any rate, I do not know why they don't just Wild Kingdom his bear ass and stick a dart in him or whatever. I mean, they keep SEEING him. Are they DOING anything besides wearing busy jackets and saying "Oop! There he is! Put another bear model on June's neighborhood map!"
I guess that's all I have to tell you. My oldest friend has a walking clitoris in her neighborhood and I have a bear. That sums it up, honeypot.
wate. wat you meen, bear? like, bear bear? anderson cooper just littel. ber eat anderson cooper?
By the way, Faithful Reader and Constant Commenter Paula H&B thought of the name Anderson Cooper and that was it. He is totally a gay, earnest, tight-black-t-shirt-wearing kitten.
