So, what did y'all all do this weekend? I vacillated between crushing depression and watching Khloe and Lamar. Can anyone tell me why I am remotely interested in what happens to Khloe Kardashian? And yet there I am. Also? Lamar seems like a normal person. Why does he like Khloe? Also also? Why am I asking myself these questions as though they matter?
Do you ever get the feeling, on these holiday weekends, that everyone else is whooping it up and you are the only one weeping and watching Khloe and Lamar on E? A friend of mine emailed and said, "Ima call you later, but you'll probably be out."
"Where the hell would I be?" I asked her.
"I don't know. Wherever people without kids go on Saturday nights."
See. Everyone thinks everyone else is having fun, and really the only people having fun are Khloe and Lamar.
I need to stop thinking about those two.
In other news, I bought this:
It's a whole girly tool kit. Look at that determined, newly divorced woman. She is putting up a hanger for her ex's testicles. She hasn't washed her hair in a week. I feel ya, sister.
Also, has Susan G. Komen taken over the whole damn world? I just realized I bought Susan G. Komen tools. It's like Susan G. Komen has trademarked the color pink.
I used my new tools to put up my $5 eBay photos in the hallway.
I had that same tight-lipped, "IMA DO IT!" expression as I put up my dog paint-by-numbers...
and my magnolias. If anyone tells me I hung them crooked I will drive to your house and shoot drill bits up your nose holes with my Susan G. Komen drill. I DON'T CARE. I'm doing the best I can, okay?
It's kind of redundant of me to put up paintings of dogs, isn't it? I mean, why don't I just put up paintings of big hair or sad middle-aged women? Have I mentioned I have moved into a bitter phase?
Once I worked at a place on the 34th floor, and we had a photograph of our view. It was all matted and framed, there, in the office. I thought that was so stupid. I mean, we should have just put a picture of the back of the secretary's head on the wall behind her while we were up.
A picture of the view. It still bugs me. No one else at work thought that was dumb.
Anyway, this bitter old hag had better get up and continue on with her life. The only way out is through, as they say. You know what else they say?
"What would Khloe and Lamar do?"
