I am totally not packed even remotely, because I am well-prepared that way. But I have packed in my MIND. Then? I will get in the car and enjoy my Sirius radio. And a mere five hours later? I will be at my
VERY SPECIAL PLACE.
Do you wanna know where I'm going? Okay, you are probably over this mystery. But I? Am gonna see
Miss Doxie, bitches!
I know!
When I first started blogging in 2007, I found Miss Doxie and got obsessed. OBSESSED. She is hilarious, she is gorgeous (which is what matters, in my book), she is a fancy lawyer, and she is not a giant giant asshole from assytown, which I would totally be if I had all that going for me.
I read her archives and laughed myself sick (my favorite one is when her friend got the note: "Please come get your black chicken off of my front porch, because it is really, really disgusting and I just can't take it anymore." Her friend framed said note).
I wish to know all Doxie's friends. I wish to steal Doxie's soul. I wish to be Doxie. If she is reading this I'll bet she is not at all nervous now that she has invited me to stay in her home. Doxie, I just plan to do a FEW charcoal sketches of you sleeping. Then I will be done.
I worried for her when she broke up with her longtime boyfriend, and cheered her on when she met a cute new guy. On her wedding day, I woke up excited like I was going. WHICH I COULD HAVE, seeing as she got married RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN at an old cemetery. But see how not crazy? I did not go.
So a few months back my friend Laura FRIENDED Doxie on Facebook. "That is so stalky!" I said, stampeding for a friend request from not just me but also Tallulah. Miss Doxie friended us both.
Then a while after that, she emailed me. "I just want you to know I am sorry about all the crap going on in your life. I think you're fucking fabulous," she wrote.
Miss Doxie was reading my blog. (!!!) How in the Sam Holy Hill did Miss Doxie find my stupid blog? I didn't ask, I just wrote her back, and do you know after about two emails, I got over the part where I was emailing my new Barry Gibb and just started hearting Doxie as a real person?
Oh, we emailed like banshees. We have had the best time. And she kept saying, Girl, when you coming to Atlanta?
So today is the day. I will be making out with her glorious doxie dogs. I will be meeting her husband, who thinks we are REALLY REALLY WEIRD for being Internet friends. I am making Doxie take me to the cemetery where she got married. It is gonna be a TIME, folks. A TIME.
Will report back as developments warrant. Or when there is a warrant for my arrest. Either way.
