Bye Bye, Pie!

Boo.

As promised, here is a photo of Snow White and Rose Red. Jane West said I could show her face as long as I kept calling her Jane West. Apparently she is Leonardo Di Caprio in Catch Me if You... Read more →

Snow White and Rose Red eat cupcakes in the suburbs

So, Jane West and I spent 97 hours getting our Snow White and Rose Red costumes ready for our party yesterday. And just to review, NOT THAT SNOW WHITE. Different story. I'll bet Snow White of Snow White and Rose... Read more →

Happy little banana pudding

Gut morgan, .16 Saturday readers! Please do not go out and gut anyone named Morgan. You know what I should do? I should save up a bunch of fascinating stuff for Saturday, to REWARD the .16 Saturday readers. Sadly I... Read more →

Roger at 16

You know those annoying days when I have 20 things to tell you? Hi. First of all, I have some news about our little Roger. Remember a few months back, when I got a little innocent kitten? i teensee. also,... Read more →

There's gold in them thar dogs

I was walking the dogs, on a new and unusual note, when this little girl came out of a house. She pointed all enthusiastically. "Mommy! GOLDEN DOGS!" Now, there's someone who has a future in advertising. "we not sort of... Read more →

Eyeing little cats with bad intent

I have no idea what Ima blog about today. I thought I might just ramble. That should be, you know, utterly painful and boring for all of us. My friend Paula called me last night. She is my friend from... Read more →

June does Pilates. And yoga. It's like two (click) two (click) two melons in one.

I forgot to tell y'all that I smudged the house this weekend. Not that I had a giant finger and smeared my whole house. Remember the Colombian woman at work? Who told me my house needed to be cleansed? And... Read more →

Junefir and her pan zither

Puppy-sitting was fun. A good time was had by all. "speek for self, mom. also, it be nice if gramma get us one of those mud-trapping rugs for chrissmass frum LL Beens. along with twalle tablecloth we ask for yesterday.... Read more →

June is the irresponsible one in the friendship. Hunh.

Edsel has a new best friend, which I would get up and go outside and photograph for you, but then everyone would remember I exist and they would think about coming inside and trust me, you do not want these... Read more →

June puppy-sits. Also? Puppies. They move around a lot.

I am watching my coworker TinaDoris' puppy this weekend. Her puppy is named Penny. I don't know why, because she seems to have no cents. BAH. TinaDoris and her fiance are going to historic Williamsburg for the weekend. I told... Read more →

In which June might bring up her vitamin D and iron levels once or twice

Am writing you on Thursday night. Edsel is outside barking endlessly at nothing, a thing which I am certain pleases the neighbors and endears us to them all. Usually when he does this I get up and make him come... Read more →

Huzzah

I have to get to work early to day so I can't talk to you this a.m., girl. Talk amongst yourselves. Hey, I know. It's been a long time since I had delurk day. Someone delurked yesterday to say they... Read more →

Shallow superficial June

I have so much to tell you I could spit up. Fortunately, I have no real plans to spit up. So obviously yesterday I felt bad. Bad bad bad. One of my coworkers said to me, "Your face when I... Read more →

Bad to Worse

Winston is missing. He has been gone since Wednesday. Marvin didn't want to tell me but he finally did today. I love Winston. Read more →

Lord, Lubricate My Bones

Yesterday I was feeling mighty blue. Sobbing constantly blue. Couldn't eat blue, which, bonus! And I am happy to tell you I had a friend in my hour of need. Okay, mostly Marvin came over because I had tons of... Read more →

How very special are we/For just a moment to be/Part of life's eternal crap.

I never want to talk about Daniel Boone again. I do not wish to go to Boone, North Carolina. I do not wish to hear about something that's a boon to the economy. I do not want to see Daniel,... Read more →

To put it in a nutshell?

June's torrid love life

So, when I told y'all all that Daniel Boone and I were friends, I honest-to-coonskin meant it. We really were. Then I noticed that if I met anyone else, I would think, Yeah, you're okay. But you're no Daniel Boone.... Read more →

June tries to score drugs

Yesterday I went to the doctor, because you know I like going to the doctor. I went because (a) whenever I put pressure on my left elbow it feels like a shock going up my arm, which is pleasant and... Read more →

whY mom sAy the bAD wurdSS?

Written by Edsel Gardens, guest poster Edsul wait. He wate for mom to get home. Edsul stand on cowch. When mom get home? When mom get home? Yousalee she home by now. Where mom. Chew on cowch a little. Mom... Read more →

June touches on the many important topics of the day

must you bozzer. bizzy being gray. I love how it seems like Anderson Cooper is a solid gray cat, but really he is stripey. He is Fruit Stripe gum. Except his flavor lasts. Fruit Stripe was always such a disappointment... Read more →

M-m-m-m. It's a great feeling to lose your post.

I wrote a whole post last night, and then for who-knows-what reason, I decided to throw in an old ad from Pearl Drops Tooth Polish, and going to YouTube to get it made my whole screen freeze up and I... Read more →

Eff ogg. I like spelling it "herre."

So, my Wen came. And in case you do not sit around watching infomercials with Melissa Gilbert in them--to which I say, why? Are you NEW?--Wen is a shampoo that is supposed to transform your life. It makes thin hair... Read more →

Poor Talu

I had to work late tonight, and even worse--WORSE!--I am "on call," so I can't even leave the house (I hate my new cell phone so I gave them my home number). Therefore, I had to explain to Tallulah that... Read more →

June goes to the animal shelter. Always a good idea.

In case you don't read my comments, because you are a giant comment snob, I did not find Snowflake at the pound. Or Humane Society. Or animal shelter. Whatever the Sam Hill they call it here. I called ahead of... Read more →

Life has its perks, Steve Jobs is dead and that's sad, and it's Snowing at the pound

Dear Mr. Steve Jobs, Thank you for the cool computer. And phone. And iPod. And stuff. Love, June In other news-- I got a percolator! At least one of you told me to in the comments so I threw caution... Read more →

@%&#$

The effing effing effing #@#&$&## coffeemaker just broke. WHY DID IT BREAK? It is two years old. @&#*$!!!!! So now I cannot post because I just spent 109 minutes trying to figure out what was wrong with the #*#*$()#)@(% coffeemaker,... Read more →

Van Gardens

Guess who cannot wait for her stupid Wen to get here? What hair? Good gravy. My large hair and I have a date tonight. With a whole new boy. I will let you know if (a) I am killed on... Read more →

Chew and a choo-choo

First of all, it's not good that this is happening, right? A VINE is growing in my HOUSE. I mean, hi. Welcome, Nature. I went outside and pulled all the vines I could, even though some of them have scary... Read more →

In which June makes men do things for her and acts jerky about it

I tried to take a cute picture of Roger sunning himself but as soon as he saw me he came up to the cataracts door. That window is all scratched by dog claws and such. I can't have nothin' nice,... Read more →

June has first-world problems

In case you were fretting and wringing your hands, I seem to be on the mend. I realized, being home all these days in a row, that I don't get to see a lot of pretty-things-the-light-does in my house, because... Read more →