Good gravy. I spent so much time reading my comments and actual email from people I know in real life that it's now 7:30 and I have to rush. Fortunately I do not have to listen to Rush, and sometimes the end of my marriage feels like a tiny blessing.
And by the way, for those of you who don't read the comments, and I wish everyone either did or didn't read them--100% either way, and I know as a bisexual woman I am one to talk about being 100% either way, but it is HARD to repeat myself. Math is hard--Marvin's birthday was the other day.
"Did you get any good presents?" I asked Marvin.
"I got myself a guitar." Marvin said.
"SIGHHHHHHHH."
"Why do you possibly care at this point if I got a guitar?"
You know, I don't know. Just the IDEA of it irked me. Does he NEED a new guitar? How could be possibly NEED another one? He has 97 of them, as you may recall from how I could never Swifffer under the bed. Now the undercarriage of my bed is as clear as a bell and how often have I Swiffered under there, do you think?
Okay, I was not going to drone on, because now it's SEVEN THIRTY-FOUR, so I wanted to get to some pertinent facts.
1. Let's not have a book club book until the whole Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/whatever pagan thing happens in December/okay, this is as culturally and politically sensitive as I can get/New Year's thing is over, okay?
2. Remember a year or so ago when I did that cool project where you all took a picture of where you where on a particular day? You wanna do that again? Should we do it on Thanksgiving or is that too soon? If it's not too soon, send me a picture from Thanksgiving day (does not have to be at the dinner table) with the time of day, where GEOGRAPHICALLY you are (Denver, not "in my kitchen") (I got a lot of "in my kitchen" last time) (can you tell?) and email the photo to me. Try not to email a 394959304054030-foot-wide photo. And I realize photos come in feet quite a bit.
3. As soon as THANKSgiving, as they say it here, is over, we will start our good deeds project, and why does this blog get so busy at Christmas/pagan ritual time?
4. Yesterday at work I had a ton to do, which you'd never know from all the picking-up-of-women online I did (oh, just read my COMMENTS already), and after the first hour I was there I shouted across the room to my coworker Vilhelm Oyster. He answered, but the part where no one else chimed in with something snotty got my attention.
"Vilhelm? Are we the only ones here? Is is just us in this room?"
Vilhelm immediately burst into Just the Two of Us, and naturally so did I. I did the high parts. Which is what you always want.
God, what a horrific song. Anyway, we surmised it was indeed just the two of us, because no one told us to shut the Sam Hill up. I guess everyone is on Thanksgiving vacation, or they checked themselves into some kind of facility, having to work so closely with Vilhelm and me.
I'm sorry. Ima need you to play this whole song and jam out to that stupid steel drum and horn solo at the end. I want you to sway around your house with a brandy snifter. Yes, with brandy in it, at 7:50 in the morning.
You can make it if you try.
Okay, am leaving. Will totally be late for work at this point and Vilhelm will fire me.
