Bye Bye, Pie!

Inflated lips, more yodeling pickles, a dumb year

Yay. I'm glad 39495940303 of you so far are in on the doing-good-deeds-in-December thing. Remember, you have till midnight tonight to tell me you are in. DO NOT TELL ME YOU ARE IN ON THIS POST, THOUGH! Tell me on... Read more →

A post about my cats. Surprise!

I've been waiting to tell you this until it was for sure going well, but Anderson Cooper doesn't live here anymore. I know! Marvin was saying that he was going to get another cat, because Henry was sad and meowing... Read more →

Head still making me personality-free

But I forgot to show you this, courtesy of Laurie... The part where I am wearing cherries kind of kills me. Not as much as my head, but still. Read more →

Shhhh

Migraine. Read more →

June torments Tall Boy and has a giveaway (No, I am not giving away Tall Boy) (That would be funny, though)

Last night, I had Thai food with the Tall Boy. Who is delighted to have her phone back, do you think? Anyway, Tall Boy is a vegetarian, and I wish I could be one because I love me the animals... Read more →

JG + DWM = TLA

Yesterday I had brunch with Dick Whitman's mom. It was very pleasant to meet her. Oh please. I LOVED HER!!! Wait. More exclamation points are needed! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew she'd be the bomb. Every story Dick Whitman ever told me... Read more →

The post-Thanksgiving report

Yesterday I had turkey. You? I joined my friend Laurie, who is a capable adult, and please note the part where I tend to hang around capable adults. However, THAT TURKEY WAS MADE BY ME. And purchased by me. With... Read more →

Happy Thanksgiving! Or for you international readers, have a lovely Thursday!

It's Thanksgiving! I'm up! I do not WISH to be up early on a holiday, and I realize those of you who are grownups have already BEEN up for 109 hours, gutting your turkey or whatever, and believe it or... Read more →

Take it to the Pie!

I really like this song, because I'm 12, and also because Justin Timberlake calls me regularly and begs me to love him, and also because I am not at all a delusional freak. My name is Lola. I am a... Read more →

I see the crystal raindrops fall

Good gravy. I spent so much time reading my comments and actual email from people I know in real life that it's now 7:30 and I have to rush. Fortunately I do not have to listen to Rush, and sometimes... Read more →

In which June gets a message from a Rennie and resents cake pops

Whenever I go to Starbucks, I am annoyed at my own demographic. With the retro jazz music, and the long-sleeve t-shirts under the short-sleeve tshirts--I mean, just wear an appropriate piece of CLOTHING. Don't wear two t-shirts. And with the... Read more →

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow....

I'm up. Not only am I up, I have been out already, and looking pretty, because I didn't roll out of bed and leave the house in flattering sweatpants or anything. I had to take Roger to the vet to... Read more →

Breaking June

Last night, I dragged the Tall Boy to see the Twilight movie. You drag a man to see a Twilight movie, it is clearly the beginning of the relationship. If we had been dating, say, even two months, I'll bet... Read more →

It is a river, that drowns the tender reed

So, I like this tall boy. IKNOWSHUTUP. The first person to say, "Nice man break" gets a slap from my shingles. Which hurt, by the way. I guess the hurty part was on its way when I wrote, "Oh, it... Read more →

Hanging out my shingle

In case you did not take seven hours out of your day to read my comments yesterday, I have effing shingles. Shingles! When aluminum siding is so much less work. The doctor gave me an antiviral medication, each of which... Read more →

Don't be rash

Dear Faithful Reader Target Steve, Seriously? Christmas decorations already at Target? What gives? How obnoxious. And yes. I do blame some guy who reads my blog, who happens to work at Target, for all the decorations in all the Target... Read more →

Who dat?

Hey, did you hear I went to New Orleans? On the first night, on my way there, I stayed with Faithful Reader Sadie, who coincidentally has a dog named Sadie. You'd think she'd name her dog something different from her... Read more →

Big easy June. Wait.

I am leaving later today for New Orleans! Wooo! I picked a fine week to stop sniffing glue. And guess who has not packed one iota yet? I hear you need plenty of iotas for New Orleans. I mean, I... Read more →

Where everybody knows your name

Before I begin, I would just like to thank Tallulah for becoming a 6,000-pound LUMP once she gets into bed. A 6,000-pound lump that cannot be budged no matter what you do. Old Ton-ya Harding, over there, was on all... Read more →

Junethropologie

Six hundred and seventy dollars later, poor Roger and Anderson are back home. SIX HUNDRED AND SEVENTY DOLLARS! Thank all that is holy and credit-giving I have a CareCard. It's like a credit card for the vet. Roger not only... Read more →

Snip

Cannot talk to you today, girl. I have to leave early to take stud-about-town Roger and homosexual Anderson (who I am certain is a stud in his own way) to get fixed-ded. I mean, it's the South. Anderson is probably... Read more →

Last remaining shred of my dignity

Yesterday I was cleaning the house, because you may be shocked to learn some animal fur builds up here rather rapidly. My iTunes was on in the computer room, and I came in here, in my delightful outfit of pajamas,... Read more →

An hour later you want more

I remember the first Friday I was officially separated, Marvin had moved out all of his things, my mother was gone, and I was alone. I went to the Chinese place near me to get yet another of my heart-healthy... Read more →

Roger meets with an untimely end. A drama in 86 parts.

EDSEL: I bord. TALLULAH: Me two. Let do thing where we bug mom. Let moan at her and paw at her and staaar at her till she make us go in room, then she hide treetz for uz to fynd.... Read more →

In which June hurls herself shamelessly at Lenny Kravitz. That is probably the first time that has happened to him.

Firl, Firl. Who hates herself? GIRL. I meant GIRL. Anyway, firl, I worked late Wednesday night and I have to be back at work at 7:00 on Thursday morning. So I am writing my post Wednesday night before I get... Read more →

Move your moneymaker, yogurt worshipper

Don't you hate it when you can't find something because you put it away? Such was the case with my robe this morning. Or "housecoat," as my mother would say. I looked on the rocking chair in my bedroom, in... Read more →

Mince Words with June: Only Time Will Tell by Jeffrey Archer

I wanted to like this book. Because it's the first of a series, and then I'd have a whole series to look forward to and so forth. But oh, this book was not good. And sadly, I could not put... Read more →

The post-boo review

First of all, you mean Kris Humphries is available? And what man spells his name K-r-i-s? I am late today so I must dash through everything at a breakneck pace. Try not to break your neck. First of all, even... Read more →