Before I begin, I would just like to thank Tallulah for becoming a 6,000-pound LUMP once she gets into bed. A 6,000-pound lump that cannot be budged no matter what you do. Old Ton-ya Harding, over there, was on all the blankets last night and I slept under one-eighth of an inch of sheet in the freezing cold. Thanks, Talu. I enjoy your every fiber right now.
Lu sleeped gud. {stretssh.}
Look at that damn floor. How that floor vexes me. I must fix it.
Oh, and also, it's my mother's birthday today.
Go, June's mom. It's your birthday. Gonna party like it's your birthday. Drink Bacardi like it's your birthday. Reference songs from 2000 like it's your birthday.
Later today, mom will be telling me precisely how many phone calls and cards and lunches and well-wishes she got. Yes, she counts. Yes, her best friend and I tell her this is annoying. She tells us annually anyway.
And speaking of Bacardi, I got something to tell you.
Some of you know I don't drink. I mean, you know this because I have said so on this blog. Or you know this because you know me in real life. I have been a not-drinker for a long time now, probably about as long as that stupid birthday song above has been in existence. Before that, I was, you know, quite the drinker. It was my area of expertise.
I do not talk about it a lot because the way I went about not drinking anymore is
ANONYMOUS
and you aren't supposed to go blabbing about it in public. Of course, I'd be more than willing to talk with anyone about it privately via email or whatever.
At any rate, things were going along nicely and I'd be all, "Oh cranberry juice for me, please!" it so on.
Then I don't know if you noticed this, but Marvin moved out and a few months later I started dating. Did you notice that? Did you pick up on that subtle change in my life?
Well. The very first date I went on, which was with Dick Whitman--he is the George Washington of my foray into dating. The Adam. The Kelly Clarkson--I was as nervous as a cat. I hadn't been on a date since Clinton was president. And he hadn't even dated Monica Lewinski yet. I mean, I was tense. So I ordered a Pinot Grigio. I'd never had a Pinot Grigio--that had been invented while I was sober. But Ramona on Real Housewives drinks them like water, so I wanted to try one.
And we were off and running. By the way, Dick Whitman feels personally responsible for me drinking again and that is ludicrous. It's no one's responsibility but mine, obviously. Oh, okay. Dick Whitman, you DROVE ME TO DRINK! It was the orange polka-dot shirt!
And for me, I'm not that dramatic of a drunk. I mean, when my friends got together with me and I--gasp!--ordered a drink, a few said, "Are you okay?" but most said, "I never really thought you were an alcoholic anyway."
Which by the way? If you have a friend who is in a recovery program? Do not say that. Please.
My point is, five months I've been drinking now, and the other night I was on a date. Shut up. I know I'm on a man break. I met a really nice boy, and no, I didn't meet him on Match.com, and I do not want to jinx it yet with details but so far it's like Central Casting has said, "Let's plop down a really excellent boy for June." Okay, he likes Rush. But in his spare time he works with an animal rescue organization. I think the latter cancels out the former.
MY POINT IS, which I know I already said, he and I went out Saturday night and I had one drink with him, and after he dropped me off I drove out in the middle of the night and bought wine at the grocery store. I had negative 16 dollars in checking so I used a credit card.
And it occurred to me. This is not normal behavior. A person does not need to go out late at night to get wine for herself and a person does not need to CHARGE WINE if she is a, you know, normal drinker.
So I called a friend and last night we might have gone somewhere
ANONYMOUS
and what I like about myself is how subtle I am.
Hey! Maybe I should do a corkscrew giveaway! I have a really good one.
So that is all my news that is fit to print.
And by the way, the kittens are recovering just fine. Delighted to be able to be picked up and posing for the webcam again. "dis fun, mom. andersun having a ball."
