Bye Bye, Pie!

Rain hair

Girl, I got no time to talk today. I am meeting Dot Dot Dot Friend, and I like how that's become his name, for lunch at noon, and it's 10:23 and guess who just woke up 23 minutes ago? So... Read more →

For Mor Yeer. A guest post by Tallulah Blueberry Gardens

My name Lu Gardins. I live with Big Hair. She annoy Lu sometime. Big Hair say it for yearz that Lu been living here now. Lu haf no idea what yeerz be. All Lu no is she wake up here... Read more →

The Blogist

My favorite thing last night was when Angelina Jolie struck that stupid pose with her leg out, and when the writers of The Descendants came on stage, the one guy posed just like her. heeeee! Do you have any idea... Read more →

Flames, Hello Kitty, being 10 and The Artist

Do you understand JUST HOW MUCH Iris sits on me? With her blind self? I guess there isn't much more to do when you got no, you know, eyeballs. Oh, she gets around FINE. She sees enough. I notice she... Read more →

Totally a Katie Girl

Good gravy, I love Sex and the City so much. Read more →

Throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind. Or, June does flowerspeak.

I went out for a giant Americano with Dick Whitman yesterday, at 5:00 p.m. Guess what was a stupid idea. There I was at midnight, like Bono. "I'm wide awake! WIDE AWAKE! WIIIIDE AWAAAAKKE! I'm not sleeping." Did he really... Read more →

The point is...

Faithful Reader Mrs. ridiculous Oh made this. She is berserk. Speaking of my dogs, and I know you are all happy I just started that way, last night we played a rousing game of where's the treat, where I hide... Read more →

Pieces of Wisdom. Gone with the Febreze.

We pretty much don't need a lot of dry-erase board use for yesterday's Pieces of Wisdom question, which was how much do you enjoy socializing and how much do you enjoy staying in. This is good, because as you can... Read more →

Sadly, every Tuesday is fat Tuesday, over here. Oh, but I brought Pieces O' Wizzdom back!

When did Monster become such a crappy site? It used to be the first place I'd go to look for jobs, and now they list nothing. What happened to it? Does anyone have any good ideas for looking for jobs?... Read more →

You only have one nondoughnut hand. Use it wisely.

That title comes from my Krispy Kreme cup which is currently on my desk. Let's discuss the part where I just got an effing doughnut and yet also just spent $104 on The Tracy Anderson Method after watching an infomercial... Read more →

Did you hear Whitney Houston died?

I know this was covered ad nauseum in my comments yesterday, but maybe you're one of those people who doesn't read my comments, to which I say, "?" And also, "!" Because not reading my comments is like only eating... Read more →

Hold on loosely

I just woke up. I know. What am I, 14? I went out last night and partayyed with my ...friend. And who is getting tired of having to call him my dot dot dot friend? Here is my dot dot... Read more →

June Zipsky

I am telling you right now. If anything had been wrong with my Aunt Sue, that would've been it. I'd have been like Mr. Zipsky. I am not even kidding you. I am on edge, dawgs. Edge. It will just... Read more →

Oh, thank God

We thought my Aunt Sue was really sick. It looks like everything is okay. She just got back from the doctor. I am so glad. I honestly could not have handled one more damn-ass thing. Read more →

June returns from her job interview. Not that I was there all night.

I'm really not the world's best speller. I'm not. I mean, I don't do that thing where I spell definitely "definately" or anything, and I use the right form of "there" and all that, but when it comes to always... Read more →

Valentine's Day. Pfft.

My mother sent me this Valentine and wrote, "I'm not sure what the one on the ground has in mind, but happy Valentine's Day anyway." Nice. My Aunt Mary also sent me some beautiful old Haviland plates that have pink... Read more →

Katy Puffy

You know, I...hate to like anything about Katy Perry. I do. She bugs. With her wide eyes and her oh, I'm so cute! thing and her cat named Kitty Purry. Oh, and she married my husband, Russel Brand. However, she... Read more →

In which June pets a turkey

Yesterday, when Whitney Houston was still alive, I went to the Aphrodite festvial with my friend TinaDoris. I know. TinaDoris is hot. She is drinking love tea. It was too sweet for me. And there, folks, is the story of... Read more →

Ji!

I have to hurry and type this before my 6 a.m. spinning class. What if after one day at the gym I suddenly became one of those people who was always rushing off to kickboxing or one of those other... Read more →

June Gardens, gym rat

Can't talk long--I have to get to the gym. I know. You guys have spoken to me many times about my exercise bulimia. I mean, I just SAID I was going to the gym...never. In five years of writing this... Read more →

She went off in a huff. Her favorite mode of transportation.

I am on edge lately. I have got a lot going on. I am weepy all the time. And then kind of screamy. What I am is attractive and you're gonna want to spend a lot of time around me.... Read more →

squeak.

You know how pigs turn into wild boars if they're out in the woods for a week or whatever? That is just how I get if I don't have to get up early. I mean, I don't grow tusks and... Read more →

Texting Hulk during the Super Bowl. Or, poking the tiger.

Yesterday I had a relatively normal Sunday for me. Cry, have coffee, see Dick Whitman. Yes, my life is stupid. I really should stop hanging around Dick Whitman. At any rate, my pal Hulk was already on my mind because... Read more →

Do you know the way...

The St. Joseph candle TinaDoris got me yesterday. It's supposed to bring you employment. Or children's aspirin. I forget. You know, I never made the association between St. Joseph and San Jose before. Quick, is what I am. I am... Read more →

There are many cats pics in this one, Hulk! No, no, really, you're welcome.

Last night I ended up at a dark tiny dive bar with a...friend (June. Trying to be subtle since 2012.) (June. Good at being subtle since never.) and I would just like to mention I like dark tiny dive bars.... Read more →

June=beta. (Tallulah=alpha.)

I recently joined this #$@@%& beta thing? With Typepad? In which they said, "Oh! Join our beta group! You will grow pretty fluffy fins and be red or blue!" Okay, none of that happened. What they SAID was they're testing... Read more →

Time

Well. That's...ironic. My alarm clock came yesterday, right at the point when I will never have to get up for anything ever again for the rest of time. Guess who hates everything? Is it me? Pretty alarm clock, though. Yesterday... Read more →

Your favorite unemployed blogger. Well. Technically Pioneer Woman has no job, right? Crap.

FER SALE So yeah. Not so much with me having a job anymore. And I do not want to say anything bad about my workplace, nor do I want you to, because it was strictly financial and they assured me... Read more →