Bye Bye, Pie!

In which people are nice to June. Heaven knows why. I guess cause I'm a PRINCE of a gal. A PRINCE! You don't have to watch Dynasty to have an attitude.

I am eating a piece of toast, my dear 16%, and on said toast is chocolate hazelnut peanut butter. To say I am enjoying it would be an understatement. The neighbors are probably about to call the police. "Someone is... Read more →

Bless her watermelon

Last night, ...friend cooked for me, and one of us is better at cooking than the other. One of us makes poison pies. The other makes delicious chicken things. And by the way, that was my plate. What am I,... Read more →

In which June did not kill ...friend with her cooking, and also potato talk

In all my 92 years, I don't think I've ever met a person who was so adorably grateful for a simple (!) birthday celebration as ...friend was. He was so delighted! And I THOUGHT I had veeeedeotaped his big arrival,... Read more →

...friend turns 89. Also, hi, hi, pie!--Update with a news flash: June can't cook.

It's ...friend's birthday, so I got no time to talk to you, girl. Ima make the apple pie he requested. A few of you said, "Why don't you videotape (veeedeotape) (my poor grandmother. You screw up ONE WORD...) yourself making... Read more →

If I weighed more, I'd sing.

At 2:00 p.m. today, my marriage will be over. I mean, it's been over for some time, but, you know. Legally. I am sad that I failed. I didn't do so badly, though, marrying Marvin. I will always be glad... Read more →

Tense, creepy and unsettling

Guess who's sick of me. Is it ...friend's cat? Did she not sign on for this being-a-blog-star thing and really wishes I'd stick that iPhone in my nethers? The good news is I brought her fleas. She lives in an... Read more →

Junela Davis. Your bad-ass blogger.

Dudes, I wasn't even gonna blog at you today, but this happened and we need to discuss. Honest to GOD. With the afro already. Who am I, the white Angela Davis? It's exciting that I'm blogging at you from this... Read more →

Altered June at her altar

First of all, I have half a migraine, so the part where I make 20 errors and am dull as dishwater today is not my fault. And let's talk about that anyway. I am a readist, not a typist. Sometimes... Read more →

Green Bean. Also, Brooks bought me a mink. Did I mention Brooks? Mink? Brooks?

You wanna know what's weird about Edsel? Well. I mean, we'd be here all day. But you wanna know one thing that's weird about Edsel? (And YES. I CALLED THE VET about his eyes. Waiting for call back.) One thing... Read more →

Bloop de Bloo Bloo

I have been very busy working on a new project. I created a folder on my desktop called, "Hi. I've slept with you." Then I went on Facebook and downloaded photos of my exes. Do you have any idea how... Read more →

Mad Whitmen

"You have a whole week worth of blog posts in one night!" said Dick Whitman when I took leave of him last night, and he is right. It was quite the eveeeevening. And by the way, hey, Dick Whitman, you... Read more →

In the dark

You know, when I embed videos (veeeedeos) for you, I do my best to find the ridiculousest version of said veedeo. I just want you to know, I want that man in my house at all times, screeching, "ARE YOU... Read more →

Q.E. + B.W. = TLA

Am taking a break from my hard-hitting morning of reading BOOK RIDICULOUS THREE of that stupid Fifty Slaps of Grey or whatever, and I guess hard-hitting was an appropriate term. Do you know who I'd like to spank? That author.... Read more →

Only service animals permitted.

I wish you all were here right now, which might get crowded and I haven't nearly enough dip, but I cannot BEGIN to tell you how idiotic the dogs are being and I wish you could just see it. There... Read more →

"Food Just Right"

Yesterday I had dinner with Marvin because he is feeling blue. Yes, he IS overdressed, with that jacket, although it was a rainy day yesterday. But on top of everything else, he is sick, and let me tell you something... Read more →

Your Teams Revealed

Thank you all for participating in yesterday's highly scientific and also deeply important survey, in which you selected teams for no apparent reason. Below are your results. Your highly scientific and deeply important results. Because I have spent all morning... Read more →

Team Annoying

Today is my last day working at that freelance job. wut we gone eat? And since 94956739 people in my real life asked me, I will tell you. The reason my last day is a Monday is because the other... Read more →

Where had I left Sunday. They never make Sunday. Didn't I already title a post with this? Where had I left my originality.

That title is only funny if you know When Harry Met Sally by heart. To which I say, why on earth don't you know that movie by heart? Yesterday I went to Hillsborough with ...friend, who I know I'm being... Read more →

Two fine people who hate each other

Last night, America's favorite couple got together to celebrate their forehead wrinkles. What the EFF? I pay $275 to get that thing out of here, although in all fairness, my dermatologist HAS rendered that portion of my head motionless, and... Read more →

My date with Dick

Today is the one-year anniversary of my first date with Dick Whitman. Even though we ended up being physically repulsed by each other, we are excellent friends. Tonight we celebrate our lack of spark at the same restaurant, and I... Read more →

Iris growls, Edsel howls

You know how sometimes I tell you a bunch of things in one post, as opposed to those super-focused linear posts I usually do? And you know how when you're done you say, "Wow. I sure am glad I read... Read more →

If a picture paints a thousand words then why can't I shut up?

I just realized yesterday afternoon that my PUR water filter was no longer working. There's this teensy what-am-I-a-bat?-who-can-see-this? light on the side of the filter that, when it's done working, flashes red. ROXANNE! You don't have to put on your... Read more →

Brent

For some reason ...friend and I seem to prefer Winston-Salem to Greensboro when it comes to finding fun things to do. They are half an hour apart, and pretty much the same size (actually, Greensboro's a little bigger), but Winston... Read more →

Thrilled to see June

Sorry I didn't get to post today--busy. However... Who seems less delighted to be in my presence, Marvin or Onreeeee? No, really. Who? Henry's looking at me like I dressed up in my German shepherd costume or something. If I... Read more →

Hair-raising

I went to Raleigh today to get my roots done. And whoever suggested in the comments today (where I previously announced the riveting news that I was in Raleigh with my roots. Being Alex Haley. Rootin' around. Drinking root beer.... Read more →

June in June. So to speak.

You know, I ANNOUNCED that I wasn't QUITTING my blog. Could maybe one or two of you have perhaps COMMENTED on that instead of sitting there in silence? God. Okay, really. Thanks, you guys, for the 394957574 comments. I was... Read more →