Bye Bye, Pie!

The Riviera of the South

The dogs seem like they know something is up--my trip to Hawaii is in two days. They seem clingier than usual, which when it comes to Edsel, one might wonder how he could be MORE clingy without climbing inside my... Read more →

Armed with Cipro, June Soldiers On. She also solders on, as she is the star of Flashdance. Wait. That would be weldering on. Wouldn't it?

...friend/Ned left his Swiss Army Knife here, so if today's the day the Swiss Army needs to invade, he is screwed. "We're gonna burst into that country and open ALL THEIR CANS! No cork is safe!" Often on Sundays, we... Read more →

Because you've been saying, "June never tells us about her urinary tract."

Before I begin complaining about my urinary tract infection, and right there I know you're riveted and not.going.anywhere, I wanted to show you this. My Tracy Allman workout requires me to jump around like an idiot, and kick behind me... Read more →

Ask Dick Whitman's mom and you shall receive

A few days ago, we ("we." I totally stole the idea from a reader) decided to write in our questions for Dick Whitman's mom. In case you are just tuning in, and really? I've been here almost SIX YEARS. I... Read more →

You got perdy lips.

Dudes. I KNOW I promised you that today I would provide you with the answers to the questions that you asked Dick Whitman's mom, but I have so many things to COMPLAIN about. Also, cutting and pasting all those DW's... Read more →

June Gardens. Famous in Greensboro since...well. Okay. I'm still not famous. Crap.

I was quoted in the local paper again today. I am turning into my Uncle Leo. Not that I have become gay and half-Hispanic, although both of those are clearly right around the corner. Oh, and vegetarian. My Uncle Leo... Read more →

Shaft. Can you dig it?

In the once-again completely linear and never remotely ludicrous comments, we have decided to either call ...friend Ned Nickerson or Shaft. Dudes, just read the comments. No way am I going through an archaeological dig to tell you the genesis... Read more →

Strangers on a blog

Yesterday in my hard-hitting and extremely never ridiculous comments, people said they were sick and tired of calling ...friend "...friend." "Everyone's sick of calling you dot dot dot friend," I told (wait for it) ...friend. "Well, when we first started... Read more →

To be read AFTER you stick the Bic pen in someone's throat. Not before.

I am certain I have already told you that ...friend lives downtown, which is kind of exciting because he's right there conveniently located to shops, restaurants, bars and crime. He's not on the first floor, but you can hear people... Read more →

The June Show! Starring June!

Do you know what must be annoying? Dating me. Can you imagine what it must be like to wait for THE JUNE SHOW! Starring....JUNE! With special guest star...JUNE! to be over so I can throw a little attention your way?... Read more →

Brief. Because June gots work to do and you know how she organizes her time wisely.

Thank you all for your insightful questions for Dick Whitman's mom. I mean, thank you to everyone but Hulk and Furry Godmother, who were on the same page, for once, and that page was ludicrous. Yesterday I showed you old... Read more →

Ask Dick Whitman's Mom

Some of you who've been around this stupid blog for some time may remember a feature I had on Fridays called Ask June. You'd, you know, ask me things and I'd answer them. I forget why we stopped doing it;... Read more →

The good news is Dick Whitman took most of the photographs in this one

Do you remember a few months back when I had a coffeemaker quandary? I was using a percolater but the coffee got old fast, and the french press left too many grounds and hello, first-world problems? I asked y'all to... Read more →

In which you will grow increasingly annoyed that you do not have my Aunt Mary as your personal aunt.

I have to kind of hurry today, as I have freelance work to do (yay!), but there are many photographs to show you, and downloading or uploading or totin' the weary load takes time, and if a picture paints a... Read more →

47. Oy, I'm old.

Dudes, I keep TRYING to write this post and the phone keeps ringing with the birthday greetings, and I abhor it when my actual life interferes with my blog. I'm all, "I GOTTA GO! I GOTTA WRITE TO PEOPLE I'VE... Read more →

TinaDoris Got Married (aka Straight men? Just go look at manlysports.com today or something)

Dudes, I have to scream through this post because ...friend and I are on our way to Asheville, which is up in the mountains and, one hopes, cooler than it is here, as it is 10 in the morning and... Read more →

In which Richard Carpenter is brought up. As you do.

I feel bad, because I was doing something ridiculous in the kitchen* and I heard Edsel whining. There's a rare and unusual event. I knew he was over by the back door, so I said, "Go on outside. You know... Read more →

Money can't buy you class

I'm June Gardens, and I'm panicked about money. Hiiiii, June. I've been laid off for six months now, and have had lots of work, but in the past month all I've had is one statistics textbook, which you may recall... Read more →

Violetta Spray

Today I changed my name, bought a dress on sale, and fell in love. With a probably 22-year-old gay man of color, who sold me said dress at the Ann Taylor, there. My friend TinaDoris is getting married this Saturday,... Read more →

Casual depression at its' finest

I am totally extra super giant depressed. I found out today that I did not get that job, the one I took a test for a few weeks back. I SUCK. This is the third editing test I've taken wherein... Read more →

The Mitten State

Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy. Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy. So I went to Michigan this weekend, to see my old friend Steve. We weren't young and restless and bored. Although we... Read more →

Home today

Blog at you then. Sent from my giant crank phone like the Waltons had, which I lug around everywhere. Read more →

I am in Michigan

with my friend Steve. I surprised him. More later. Sent from my giant crank phone like the Waltons had, which I lug around everywhere. Read more →

Bucket

...friend and I got ice cream last night, seeing as Prince the Waiter could not be bothered to bring us any on Wednesday. This is Nutty Coconut, meaning it has coconut and pecans, almonds and walnuts. I looked it up... Read more →

July 4th by June on the 5th

So, that was disconcerting, right? We had a weekend, but it was one day, and now we're back (and by "back" I mean I'm in Marvin's cowboy robe eating leftover nachos) and then in two days it'll be the weekend.... Read more →

In fact, the guy who played Percival on Little House was gay.

Good day, Percivals. Did it kill me yesterday when you all signed into the comments as Percival? Indeed it did. June. Easily amused since she first heard the name Spiro Agnew. Hey, did I tell you guys I put an... Read more →

Chewin' on a piece of grass, walkin' down the rooooad.

...kitty still totlee over you. That cat will always disapprove of my very existence. AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS PET HER FLUFFY FLUFFY FURS! My shoes are cute, though, aren't they? They are little starfish. No, really, they're... Read more →

There's a Bad June on the Rise

Before I begin, I want you to know my father said, "I can't believe a person who writes Bye Bye Pie went out to Buy Buy Pie." Who is his own biggest fan? Anyway, last night ...friend and I schlepped... Read more →