Bye Bye, Pie!

Goodnight, Gracie

It's the end of the year, and time for my annual here's-everything-that-happened-this-year veeedeo. I hope you like it. I only tormented everyone with it 7,2394,t95945,#(49403 times. "Do you like this version?" "How 'bout this one?" "Is this song good?" And... Read more →

Bourbon Tango Foxtrot

For some reason, Ned and I were in a deep discussion about Evil Knievel today. He asked if I'd ever seen his SON, who apparently does the same asinine leap-over-big-things crap that Evil Knievel did. "So I was watching this... Read more →

Yes, my head still hurts. Thanks. In other news, full of hate and rage.

Would you like to know what did not go down smoothly? Mustaches on the dogs. That's what. I have to go. I gotta take down my Christmas decorations, go to work and fax something to the IRS (stupid Polish work.... Read more →

The post where we all become Mike Stivic.

For those of you who have fluffy cats, this morning Iris had The Problem under her tail. Y'all know what I mean. If you DON'T have a fluffy cat, consider yourself lucky. I had to chase her all over the... Read more →

In which June brings up whist. And Talu brings up everything else.

Wow. Is it ever busy at fake work. Hope I can get everything done. So far I've had coffee, I've done my makeup, took all that off and did kabuki makeup, took that all off and painted myself silver like... Read more →

June Page

I just screamed home for lunch, so I will fill you in on as much "A Very Special Christmas: Bye Bye, Pie" as I can before I have to scream back. I just want you to know I am eating... Read more →

Your good deeds revealed

It's Christmas. Kill me now. Guess who is not in the Christmas spirit? Is it June? Nevertheless, I asked all y'all to go out and do good deeds as you saw fit, and here they are. As for mine, I... Read more →

I know not if it's dark outside or lights

Yesterday was a busildy kind of a day and then I got a migraine, and yay! I got up with Dick Whitman yesterday so we could exchange gifts, and then he wanted to go to--are you ready?--the outdoor MALL to... Read more →

This ad made me cry. In other unusual news, this ad made my hair big.

(Furry Godmother said she can't see the video. Here. Click that if you can't see it, either.) They interview the guy after. Cause he's a real soldier and stuff. Read more →

Lenny Bruce is not afraid.

Like I could really NOT put this song up today. Like every yahoo on God's going-out-of-business planet isn't putting this up on their blog or Facebook or your fancy modern Twitter. Are you still there? Did the world end yet?... Read more →

The big reVEAL. Totally cracked self up with that one.

It's Wednesday night and I'm writing this now, because I have a screamingly busy day Thursday. Because I will be home not at all, really, I have to leave early tomorrow to take the dogs to daycare. In case anyone... Read more →

Warped, frustrated old June

I was GOING to say that today is my OTHER uncle's birthday--Uncle Bill, the NEXT guy Aunt Kathy married--but upon looking at my calendar, a thing I never do, I see his birthday is the day BEFORE Uncle Leo's, and... Read more →

Felix Crumpled Papers, Uncle Leo

Today is my Uncle Leo's birthday. For a man who's tried to kill me several times in this life, I still like him. My Uncle Leo started dating my Aunt Kathy in high school, when I was a baby, not... Read more →

Gale and Dale

Did you enjoy the part where I posted at lunch? I got home and had 29494593959 new Christmas cards, but NO REASSURING LETTER from the mammogram place. Yes, they've told me everything's fine, but if they can't get a LETTER... Read more →

Late again

so I will blog at lunch. In the meantime, today my work elf brought me truffles. WHO ARE YOU, ELF????? **Sent from Sarah, the telephone operator** Read more →

The first noel, the angels did strike

Before I start, I wanted to mention my mother's Beagle, Goldie, died today. She was the sweetest girl. She just WALKED UP to my mother and stepfather in the woods 10 years ago and she's been theirs ever since. At... Read more →

At Ned's

Yesterday's events certainly put everything into perspective. Thanks, everyone, for writing yesterday. It helped to know everyone else isn't, "No, I feel great! All the time! JUNE. Nutbar June." Ned and I are on our way to Raleigh to celebrate... Read more →

Am I the only one who feels like this?

Usually I feel like I'm just one bad day from completely plummeting into depression and feeling like everything is worthless in my life. Today happens to be the bad day where I plummeted. Does everyone feel like they're hanging by... Read more →

In which Aristotle Onassis is mentioned. As you do.

Is milk bad for dogs? I ask because Edsel just put his annoying front feet up here and drank my soy milk from my Cheerio bowl. Also, are turkey burgers bad for dogs? Because...my lunch yesterday while my back was... Read more →

I'm unclear. Did I say Merry Christmas?

Went to see Miracle on 34th Street with TinaDoris and Dick Whitman and my forehead wrinkle last night and now I'm running late. So I will leave you with a few seasonal greetings. No, I'm sorry, we have to revisit... Read more →

Merry Christmas! I'm divorced! Also, your Thanksgiving pictures are here. So shut up now. Have I said Merry Christmas yet?

It's Monday night and I got out of work, went to the eye doctor and picked up my contacts, got some super-extra-healthy Chinese food, did my workout which was probably useless seeing as I ate Lot's Wife in salt with... Read more →

Can a white girl get a table dance?

Have you heard that terrible song, Can a [N-word] get a table dance? Once, the pope was coming to New York, and Howard Stern was talking about the things the pope was gonna do while he was there, and they... Read more →

In which June gongs a cowbell

I AM DONE WITH THAT STATISTICS BOOK!!!!!!! Read more →

I love a parade

When I was in high school, my good friend Lori Stepenhaum thought she might be pregnant. "Why do you think that?" I asked, even though I knew in graphic detail that she and her boyfriend had Done It every day... Read more →

Share your passions with the world. Typepad! That's what it says every day when I log on here to blog. Doesn't it make you wanna barf?

I have a migraine. Yes, again. I stayed home from fake work and everything. And I KNOW WHY I have one. Here's a big thing you should not do when you are a migraineur. Yes, there is such a word,... Read more →

June in chaos. Also, Lu is five!

Okay, officially feeling overwhelmed now. I am on the second statistics textbook that I am proofreading at night after a full day at work, and there was no break in between books. On top of that, somewhere in there I... Read more →

In which Steve Hardy and Mammy are both brought up. As is the technician's breakfast. Into her scrubs. Plus, treespeak. Read on!

So I got the old mammyogram, as one of you said. Well. You personally didn't say it. You told me, in the comments, that someone you work with said "mammyogram," and it cracked me up, and I kept seeing Mammy... Read more →

Squeeze box

In an hour, I go to my mammogram, which means it's time for my ANNUAL! MAMMOGRAM! FREAKOUT! where I sit here all week and wait nervously for them to call me to say, "We saw something. You have to come... Read more →

In the kitchen with June and Ned (aka Do Not Try This at Home)

"There's a Christmas party in my building," said Ned. "It might just be a bunch of old ladies in Christmas sweaters, but I'd like to go," he said, because apparently Ned is into the elderly. I would love to say... Read more →

June. Rewarding the 16% with the BEST VIDEO EVER!

Y'all. That's my Aunt Kathy, woman of 58 emotions in 4 seconds, introducing Paul McCartney's song. I KNOW!! Read more →