Bye Bye, Pie!

Migraine

Have been in bed with a migraine today, and a blind nurse. Who seems to think the only cure is more cowbell. And possibly many pets under her chin. Sent from my iPhone Read more →

Five wonderful years

Whenever my mother and stepfather have an anniversary, my stepfather, who is enormously sappy, says, "Twenty-eight wonderful years" or "Twelve wonderful years" or however long it's been. Marvin and I then started doing the same thing, except when it was... Read more →

Edsel gets a dog IQ test and is not offered a Fulbright. A half-bright, maybe.

A few years ago, back when I just had Tallulah and she was my first dog ever, I went online and found a dog IQ test. Since I'd never had a dog before, I had no idea if she was... Read more →

Wouldn't it be hilarious if one year they presented angry green men in trash cans rather than gold statues? Is that just me who thinks that'd be hilarious? Anyone?

I just tried to pet my silver purse, thinking it was one of the cats. What do you mean, I am not allowed to drive without my glasses? Good gravy. I used to have a black fuzzy cat named Ruby... Read more →

Nedflix: The Oscar Edition

Ima try to scream out this post before we go to a, yes, movie and then go home and watch four hours of a show about...movies. Some of you had wondered what Ned's picks for the Oscars Circle R are,... Read more →

In which June gets out the photo album. Oh, I know. Makes you wanna dive right in, doesn't it?

I don't have much to blog about today, because I am uninteresting. Last night I did my Tracy Chapman workout and watched a documentary at Ned's. And yes, I know it's funny I got a divorce from Mr. Documentary, Mr.... Read more →

June serves lasagna. Story at 11:00.

They delayed work due to inclement weather and Dear Friends and Family in Michigan, You would die laughing about this "weather." This did not stop me, of course, from going right back to bed and spooning Tallulah, who was down... Read more →

Despair face

Do you know what I bet Ned wishes? Is that he could ever come over here and not be assaulted by pets. My grandfather used to say wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which gets filled up... Read more →

Sasha Fierce

Have you noticed we never get to hear about Dooce's divorce or whether she's dating anyone? I mean, I splayed out all my personal bidness straightaway as soon as there was anything interesting to tell, but she seems to spend... Read more →

Oh, yes. I certainly DO see a virgin up there in those stars. Freak.

Last night I had dinner with my friend and coworker The Poet. We've been TRYING to go to tea together, but clearly God is over us and our tea plans. First, we picked Proximity, which is a fancy hotel near... Read more →

Mica! Broadway Bronze! This is what it sounds like when doves cry. No, I HAVEN'T had a stroke...

Remember in December, when I gave everyone in my book club a nice moustache? What do you mean, "no"? What do you mean "sometimes I live my life and don't remember your every detail, June"? Whatever with you. At any... Read more →

Lips be poppin'.

I have many plans today, including going to the grocery store for toothpaste because currently I need the strength of 10 men to attempt to squeeze out the dregs of my current tube, but so far all I've done is... Read more →

I will talk at you tomorrow. Oh, how I miss Henry's white ear tip.

My workday looks insane, y'all. And at lunch I have to run to Winston, because my friend Charlie, the one who broke his neck? Is in the hospital with some infections and stuff. Then after work I have dinner plans,... Read more →

The Love Post. Soon will be making another round. The Love Post. Promises something for everyone.

Well, it's Valentine's Day, which technically is my favorite holiday because I like the colors. And yes, I know I also like April Fool's Day, and you know, a person can have two favorite holidays, persnickety. Where is it WRITTEN,... Read more →

In which June humps Edsel and needs relationship advice

You know what I did last night? I humped Edsel. He's always JUMPING on poor Talu and humping her, and she shows her mean teef and then he gets scared and 17 seconds later he does it again. Because Edsel... Read more →

Supposedly faithful readers but really dogs.

By the way, what's this? When Ned was sewing on my buttons, we noted that silver saint-medal-looking thing, and we knew normal domestic people would know what you did with it but we were flummoxed. Is it like a golden... Read more →

Mostly food. That's what this one is about. Food. I'm kind of like Tallulah right now. You gots food?

Since yesterday I was so busy showering you with more pictures of your own selves, I didn't get a chance to tell you the myriad things that're new, and by "myriad" I mean two. First of all, Ned has insisted... Read more →

I've been living so long with these pictures of you

It's 12:25 as I sit down to write this, and my plans today are (were) to garden a bit more, and pay some bills, do my yoga DVD because after a week of Tracy Anderson I feel tight as Camilla... Read more →

In which Ned becomes my stitchin' bitch

I just spent 45 minutes gardening, and the fact that my arms are shaking annoys me. What am I, 73 years old? Don't answer that. Yesterday, I had another harrowing day at work, and then I went to the Target,... Read more →

Here's Where the Story Ends. No, really, who did that song?

Yesterday, after a harrowing day at work-- I mean, it WAS kind of busy, but I also took time out to torture the receptionist who is SO OVER ME. We're having window cleaners come in this weekend, and she has... Read more →

June Hearts Her 4 4ever

So, this occurred. Y'all. I should not be given nice things. In high school there were these two sisters, and their dad was a dentist, and they told me their mom always said they could have more clothes if they... Read more →

Baby hair. With a woman's eyes.

I was writing one of my friends whose real-life name might be Sarah. Or not. I mean, I like to keep everyone anonymous-ish on my blog. So it could be that her name is NOT REMOTELY SARAH. Anyway, in the... Read more →

In which June makes an "Orange you glad" joke.

I was super-busy Ned-ing yesterday and never had a minute to write. So now I gotta cram everything that happened Saturday and yesterday into one post, and who knows how to draw the reader in and beg for more? Nothing's... Read more →

Wild, wild night

Yesterday was the first Friday of the month, and if you pay any attention to the habits of The June, and what's more appealing than someone who refers to herself in the third person AND adds a "The," on the... Read more →

In which June sobs like an idiot over a beer commercial

I should stop drinking Budweiser in the morning. Read more →