Bye Bye, Pie!

Natural Woman

"Out of all the peanuts in the world, Mr. Peanut is the only one who makes an effort, with his jaunty hat and monocle and so forth. The other peanuts just lie around," said Ned, while we ate peanuts that... Read more →

Bracelet pool

I just came up with a brilliant idea. Behold my stupid wish bracelet, which Ned tied on me in early December. I have to wait for it to break off so my wish'll come true. If you're in, say you're... Read more →

June Grooms

Two nights ago, I spent $15.50 on a slate-colored eye pencil from Clinique. I was trying to get the free gifts they have, and I always get my facial soap from Clinique (I get the mini bars so I can... Read more →

The Birds and the Bees

It is unseasonably cold here and I for one am annoyed. On my home page on my computer, as opposed to my home page I just have in life, I have the local temperature, the temperature of my hometown in... Read more →

Marvin makes an appearance. As does Henry. (Onnnnreiiii!)

Sometimes Tallulah and I like to play "Heavy Cat," where I lift her up and carry her around the house with her legs all askew in an alarmed fashion. "Are you my Heavy Cat?" I ask her, while she patiently... Read more →

The one where June never ever lets you forget you're a man.

I was extra busy sleeping this morning, so I didn't blog. I only got in eight-and-a-half hours, and I know you're wondering, "God, how does she do it all?" Cause I mean, after that brief rest, after that if-you-wanna-call-that-SLEEP sleep,... Read more →

At Ned's

where it's all sporting events all the time. Fortunately there's popcorn. Sent from my iPhone Read more →

Tyrannosaurus Ned

I meant to write sooner today, but apparently MTV feels the need to distract me with retro episodes of The Real World, in particular The Real World Las Vegas from 2002. "Trishelle's hawt." There's this poor awkward kid from the... Read more →

MAMFing

Every day, Monday through Friday, my alarm goes off at the same time, and every day that information stuns me. "What the--? Seriously? The alarm is going off? GOD!" Every day it's all, "The nation was rocked when June's alarm... Read more →

I TOTALLY FORGOT to show you this today. This is a billboard on my drive home.

And here's the story! Read more →

Post Secrets. Get it? Do you?

Wow. So, that was astonishing, wasn't it? Thank you all for telling your secrets. My posts are set up so you can leave comments for the next week or so, so if you get your courage up later, do so... Read more →

Weveal Wednesday

Last night, Ned and I went to the Post Secret Lecture at Wake Forest, which is a university where you learn all about woods that can't sleep. It's a school where they get you drunk and throw you in the... Read more →

The Diary of June Gardens

I just kind of feel like I'm the only one who cares when The Real Housewives comes on. These animals don't understand that it's the most important show of our lifetime. And SEASON FINALE AND REUNION SHOW NEXT WEEK!!!! dyingdyingdying!... Read more →

Stupid conversations I've had with Ned

Bulls Ned and I were out the other night on the roof of a pub near his house, and this guy next to us was holding court, telling a whole gaggle of people about his trip to Spain and the... Read more →

With a fine, fresh scent.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! In honor of the Irish, I thought today I might cut soap. Sorry I didn't write yesterday--I was cleaning my gutters. I KNOW! I was totally getting the older, handsome woman who can do it all... Read more →

Pour some sugar on me

I felt a little headachy when I woke up today, AND THAT ANNOYS ME, since I'm, you know, desugaring and all. In fact, I may have to abort the eat-no-sugar plan for now. I KNOW. But listen. After paying my... Read more →

In which June might have had a taste of chocolate

I survived day two without sugar, except for the part where I had something a...trifle sugary. OKAY SUE ME. I ate everything right until after work, when I went to the H&R Block, there, to get my taxes done. Do... Read more →

One day w/o sugar. Am I perfect yet?

I only have a few minutes to write today, as it is 8:14 already and the part where I got up late could be Fault O' Ned, who might decide midnight is an excellent time to be a chattterbox. Someone... Read more →

Don't doesn't.

What're you doing?" asked Ned, when he called last night. "I'm boiling eggs." "WOW!" What's sad is that me boiling eggs is such an exciting and novel occasion. And also that I had to look up how to do it.... Read more →

The one where June gets all school marm on your arse

For the last few days, I've been either too ill or too busy or, sadly, both to really blog, and I know your life has been poorer for it. Possibly your family members have been after you. "Cheer up, mom.... Read more →

Took a break from my 488584 hours of proofing to read this in a book Ned gave me

Read this, and you will say, "June isn't funny at all. She stole everything from Nora Ephron." And then you will read everything that woman ever wrote, as I have, and never come back here again. I deserve that. http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/10/11/101011fa_fact_ephron... Read more →

Sometimes life gets in the way of blogging about life.

Yesterday I was too sick with YET ANOTHER COLD to blog and then when I woke up this morning, after apparently keeping Ned awake with what he claims was snoring--and it's a shame what a compulsive liar Ned is--I received... Read more →

I HATE YOU JOOOOOON!--Anonymous

I talked to another old friend recently who is disillusioned with her marriage. She and I were friends in our young single days, and our whole goal was to find some man who'd love us forever. We both got married,... Read more →

In which June decides there is a table and it is round

Today I have many stupid things to talk about, and you will be stunned at how pressing they are. "Thank heavens June covered this topic," you'll say, at your daily round tables with your friends to discuss my blog. What... Read more →

I been throught the walkway with a cat with no name.

My throat hurts. Honestly, is there EVER a day where there isn't something wrong with me? What gives? If I'm not bleeding out my ears and seeing funny colors with a migraine, I break my ankle in 15 places and... Read more →

Screw ball

In case you're pacing the floors wondering how I am, my foot feels better. I guess "sprain" was a strong word. "Twisted" might have been more accurate. And it's not like me to exaggerate. Yesterday, Ned, who is the best... Read more →

My ridiculous weekend, by June Crippled Gardens

The part where I sprained my ankle then had to hobble in front of Area Guy is 100% my fault, and I'd dearly like to be able to blame someone else. Because if you're GONNA hurt yourself, the only positive... Read more →

In which a reader discovers TinaDoris is a made-up name

I spent most of yesterday in bed, and not in a good way. The pain of my migraine was gone by 11:00-ish, but dear god in heaven I could not keep my eyes open after that. A migraine makes you... Read more →