Bye Bye, Pie!

In which Animal Protective Services should be called. Also, Nedflix.

Because it's been awhile since I've done it, and because I love myself so bad, I made all the pets do Circle of Life last night. The circllllle of life! Boom! Say, guess who was in no mood for me... Read more →

The one where June seems kind of crabby

First of all, I want to say to the 12 to 15 people who know me in real life who contacted me to either express their concern or to just blatantly try to find out what was wrong with me... Read more →

June and the Water Tower. Also, "fur."

How is everybody doing? It's rainy here, and I have a migraine for the FIFTH DANG DAY IN A DANG ROW, and forgive my rough language. A few weeks ago I was at my doctor and he gave me some... Read more →

Dark

Sometimes things happen in real life that I cannot blog about for whatever reason. This is one of those times. Usually, when something has happened and I cannot blog about it, I try to just write about something else, and... Read more →

June complains. I know! It's like a unicorn sighting.

See? I knew hearing about everyone's sex life would be riveting. How many of you felt bad because of it? Several people emailed me to say hearing about how often others are having sex made them feel bad. Some wondered... Read more →

S Word. Or, "I'll take Swords for 100, Alex."

Did you ever see that Celebrity Jeopardy on Saturday Night Live when Sean Connery sees the category "S Words" and says, "I'll take Swords for 100, Alex"? I effing love Celebrity Jeopardy on Saturday Night Live. But that is not... Read more →

Shoot shoot shoot

How many pictures like this do you think I will take of Ned? Last night there was a meteor shower. Did you see it? Neither did I. First of all, I have no meteor shower luck. If there's some kind... Read more →

100% Natural

I'm trying to eat my delicious Ines Rosales tortas and Tallulah is on her hind legs, being two legs bad, trying to get it. Talu's beggy look. I'm certainly falling for it, too, you manipulative ass. Yes, it's perfectly fine... Read more →

Blinded by the light

Dude. We totally see you. I have a busy day of freelance to catch up on, and guess who is a barrel of laughs? Is it devil-may-care June, over here? After next weekend I'll be done with all this freelance... Read more →

The one where June tells you about her rash. Read on!

Because I know you're going to want every detail--who wouldn't?--I have a rash. It has been there for some time, and naturally I figured "leukemia," and I really have no idea if leukemia presents with a rash, and I did... Read more →

Upstream

I have to be at work--work work, not fake work, and yay!--in 20 minutes, so I must hurry. I went out with Ned last night, to the salmon salad place we like. I usually eat half of that giant salad... Read more →

If I got yelled at, I'd be upbraided.

Sometimes it's like they're just begging to get on my blog. we not bee on blawg for millyun days, mom. dis kewt enuf? Do you like the nice sheet I have over the couch? I emulated Jackie Kennedy's sheet, from... Read more →

To cheer us. Josie and her lack of pussycats.

I've been meaning to post this for awhile but I keep forgetting. Some of you have asked in the comments to see pictures of my friend Sleeping Beauty's kid, Josie, who is almost two now, and I'm certain my pal... Read more →

In which June is thoroughly annoyed at whoever ruined the marathon.

How come whenever my blog post is extra petty, something like this happens? Last time I was depressed and complaining about some stupid-ass thing, and that day there was a school shooting. Talk about putting things into perspective. I said... Read more →

Ten things that bug me. I know! Sometimes I get bugged!

I got up late today because there is no earthly reason Mad Men needs to end at 11:00 p.m., but it does, and all Mad Men season I am screwed up on Mondays. Last year when it was on I... Read more →

If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint Hulk?

I guess because someone already has. Read more →

eh eh eh eh [convulse]

I know it's Saturday and therefore eight people in total wonder why I haven't written yet, and for those eight people I will tell you that I've been working all day. I have freelance up my butt, which may lead... Read more →

June joins the workforce. And comes up with words like "inhibitionslessness."

Oh thank all that is holy and merciful, I have a job again. My fake workplace, the place that'd laid me off in the first place and for whom I've been freelancing since September, asked me to come back for... Read more →

Wife of a close friend

I am sitting here waiting for Poland to pay me. Do y'all remember when I did freelance work for Poland? If you don't have your Big Calendar of What June Does, which I guess could also be known as this... Read more →

Here's looking at you, reader.

Last night, Ned and I went to the old movie theater we like so much and we saw Casablanca. Humphrey Bogart needs to get a new line. He says, "Here's looking at you, kid" FOUR TIMES in that movie. If... Read more →

The fundamental things apply. As Long Island Medium goes by.

lu go pit on mom azz, she put dis on blowg I love it when her lips do stupid things. I also enjoy how she has cat fur on her snout. This might be her own fault, seeing as she... Read more →

June Visits Family, Story at 11:00.

First of all, Yahoo Maps AND my GPS totally lie. Both getting there and back took 10 hours, not eight, as they told us. We kept saying, God, why is this taking longer than we thought? And we decided the... Read more →

Obsessed

Am eloping with her. Sent from my iPhone Read more →

Code Brown

Everyone in my family is obsessed with poop. You have never met a more fecal group. When Marvin met my family for the first time, not one but TWO adult people told him stories about how they'd pooped on themselves... Read more →

On the road again

Ned and I are on a road trip. ROAD TRIP! SPRING BREAK! Woo! Yeah. Really we're on our way to see my cousin Katie, of "Aunt Katie, are you a lesbian?" fame. We drove through the world scariest snowstorm last... Read more →

April Fooled No One. Carp.

I forgot to tell you that my holiday was a total bust. I guess I was too traumatized to remember. April Fool's Day is my favorite holiday, followed closely by Valentine's Day because I like the colors. For years, really... Read more →

Mr. Edsel Goes to Winston

I was sitting here in the computer room like a normal person, when this cardinal sat on my bush. So to speak. Do you think it's some kind of message from my high school boyfriend Cardinal? Did anyone click on... Read more →

Also, Heinz.

I hope you had a good Easter weekend. Ned and I went to the cemetery. Before you go getting all judgy, Jesus spent Easter weekend in a cemetery, as well, so. Get off your high horse. Ned and I both... Read more →