First of all, my Uncle Leo is okay. -ish. He has a bump on his head, and they did a CT scan, but he's home, staying at my cousin's for a few days.
What happened was, my uncle was cleaning the freeway, not because he's a prisoner, but because he is involved in one of those adopt-a-highway things. For as long as I've known my uncle, he embraces his interests 100%, and because he is gay, he has to be extra-super involved in every gay organization, like the PTGay, and now that he's getting older, the Gay ARP and so on.
So apparently he and some friends adopted a highgay, and that stretch of I-75 is really quite charming. Really nice flowers in complementary colors, and the signs read "55 Fabulous MPH!" and "Do Not Pass (if you're going to be wearing that outfit)."
Guess who is completely over me right now? Is it my Uncle Leo?
But really, it's kind of scary, because he was cleaning up, and he got really hot and had to quit. In theory, wearing the Village People cowboy outfit seemed like a great idea. But when it's summer...
So he got in his car, and then he can't remember how it happened, but he crossed the center line and went into a ditch. And that's, you know, not good. He's had three brain operations in his life, too, so really, it was all sort of scary. But his tests look good and maybe it was just heat exhaustion or something. And they called Triple Gay and got his car towed, so everything is fine now.
Anyway, that is the story and I'm glad he is all right, because I like my Uncle Leo quite a bit.
In other news, last night my friend Jo had a French party. Oui, she did. She's written another book, and who has to cut it out with the prolific already, and it takes place in France, so she thought that'd be a tres bonne theme. We have pretty much run through my French phrases, and am certain you are sad to hear it. Merde.
She told us all she was serving wild boar, and who even knew that was a French thing. I was kind of nervous about trying it, but Ned and I talked about it and realized it's just a rebellious pig. It's a pig who lifts his shirt and gets filmed by Joe Frances.
My pals Marty Martin and Kayeeee were there, and I have no idea where M. Martin is looking. Maybe the French don't make eye contact.
Jo left no stone unturned, with lavender and rosemary bouquets all over, and French wines, and Kayeee brought her attitude.
Sacre bleu.
Okay, officially really out of French phrases. If Marvin were here I could ask him the one he has about cheese in your hat or whatever, but if Marvin were here that'd be weird. And I might have led with that story.
My point is, Jo had one of her friends sing a song that she had written just for me, because she is a terrible, terrible person. It was set to How Deep is Your Love, which despite the fact that it's kind of a cliche, is my favorite Bee Gees song. Anyway, at first I just photographed the moment
but after a few bars I realized I could film it, so here's what I got on film. I know. Lucky. And please enjoy my annoying-ass laugh.
Yes, thank you, Jo. And answer: pretty deep.
Finally, my public humiliation was over and dinner was served, and the first course was this beef stew, and it was delicious. It has carrots and potatoes, and oh, I ate the hell out of that thing. Then when I was done, I realized in kind of a panic that I had ZERO ROOM for the wild boar. Oh, I was irritated with myself. Why had I been such a glutton with the stew when I'd psyched myself up to try wild boar?
"What wild boar stew was delicious," someone said, as we were served our salads.
Wait. What?
THE STEW WAS THE WILD BOAR. You can't take me anywhere. I had no idea. Dang, it was good. So. Wild boar. I recommend.
After dinner, we were allowed to go look at Jo's 3949592303 dolls, which even though I've done it before, I did again. I tried to emulate their expressions, and who needs a hobby such as gayrobics or something?
There was even a bartender doll, which I'd not seen before, but it made me think of Ned because he was a bartender for 96 years.
It looks so much like Ned that it's uncanny.
At any rate, it was a fine evening, and I'm doing a giveaway of Jo's book. Let me know in the comments if you want to be in the drawing. Here's the description of it from Amazon:
Alyce flew 4,000 miles to learn French, sophistication and win back her boyfriend. Enter the très different, exasperating Jean-Luc. Will opposites attract or attack? Set in a total-immersion language school in the South of France, OPPOSITES ATTACK is a lyrical tale of clashing cultures and the heartwarming changes that can grow out of a mismatched pair in the battle of the sexes. Comical fish-out-of-water moments collide with quick tempers, seducers and plenty of foodilicious fun.
I, too, wish to never read the word "foodilicious" again. However, I read Jo's last short story, which takes place in Paris, and I could not put it down. Seriously, I never wanted it to end.
As opposed to this post.
