I have a whole list of things I have been going to mention, and in general these things are about other people, but then I go right back to thinking about myself. So let's discuss others before I see myself in a mirror and get distracted like I'm a parakeet again.
Perhaps you recall that my friends Chris and Lilly had a baby, Zella, oh, three months ago. Not sure how I know it was three months. What is it that's tripping my memory?
Anyway, cute baby. I'll bet she's irritated that she's rockin' her excellent toile and her whole look got marred by a sticker.
zella feel fyne till ant joon bring dat up. now ebrytheeng suk. also, zella not sure why talk like talu. ant joon need to work on baby speek, and maybe dummee up on twale talk.
Why don't I have any toile pants? Do they make toile pants for people who are 576 months old?
See what I did, there? I didn't dummy up on toile talk. YOU DON'T SCARE ME, BABY. YOU CAN'T EVEN CATCH ME.
In other news, my friend Beth who I knew in LA, who technically was Marvin's friend first but then I came along and usurped all that, which isn't really true cause she's still friends with Marvin, too, I was just trying to be bitchy. Anyway, Beth has a new song out and it's super-secret but she sent it to a bunch of us and I said, "I love this song. Can I put it on my blog?" and she said yes. Oh, and in the newslettery thing she sent with this song? She mentioned she'd had a song on Vanderpump Rules and I was all OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO COOL NOW!!!
I love Lisa Vanderpump. The first person to leave the "I don't watch Real Housewives of anywhere" comment gets slapped with Zella.
Oh. But here's the song. My other friend in real life, Robe, is singing in the background. It's all very exciting, if you're me. And of COURSE his name isn't really Robe. He can't talk right now; he's all tied up.
But speaking of LA and our LA friends and failed marriages that fail because you're a failure and all that, I finally had lunch with Marvin. I have NO IDEA where we're both looking.
We went to the diner we like to go to, where we've never once eaten anything good. I feel bad, because yesterday I said, "That was awful, as usual. Why do we come here?" and then I was worried sick that the cook heard me. It's one of those things you say later and abhor yourself for.
Anyway, Marvin is fine. -ish. He's still engaged, which, you know, okay. I don't know why one of us has marriage hangover and one doesn't. What're you gonna do?
He sent me this picture of our cat Henry, who he got in the divorce, and guess who misses Henry the Adventure Kitty? I have no idea how he got up there.
Oh! And I have one more thing about other people to tell you. No, TWO. Who am I, the Count? Two! Two stories! Ah-ah-ah-ahhhhh!
My mother told me not long ago that a family friend was deteriorating. She was always really nice to me, and really nice to EVERYONE, this woman was. Everyone liked her. And she wasn't some namby-pamby Melanie Wilkes type, either. She had a personality on her, and she was great. Even my GRANDMOTHER, the one I'm turning into, liked her. And if you weren't related to her, there was a 99% chance she was gonna detest you. Oh, who am I kidding? We had the same chance, most days.
My POINT is, I was sitting outside at the grocery store the other day, having a salad from the salad bar, and by "salad" I mean fried chicken and broccoli cheese casserole, when it hit me. Our family friend had died. I don't know how that happened, but when I got back to work my mother had emailed me that indeed she HAD died. It was the weirdest thing. Maybe I could sell this service. Going out of town but have an ailing relative? Get the June Death Knell app!
And finally, Faithful Reader Deb emailed me yesterday. "My friend has started a blog. I'll bet you'll think she's funny. Here. Go. By the time I got to paragraph two, I was in hysterics at my desk, which
WORK TIPS FROM JUNE
is super-professional.
I think that's all I have to tell you about others, and tomorrow we can go back to All June All the Time. Yay!
