Did you ever see that depressing movie, Sweet November, with Sandy Dennis looking annoyingly perky despite the fact that she is dying? I just ruined the movie for you, and you're welcome. You've had 40 years to see it, so it's not my fault.
I watched it on November 1 in 2012, and the whole movie is about how Sandy Dennis dates one man each month. I'd had my first date with the Tall Boy that day, and ended up dating him just for a month. Fortunately, I was not dying. Nor was I Sandy Dennis, also fortunately. Sandy Dennis grates.
Anyway, as promised, because I'm SUPER RELIABLE, here's what I did in November while I was not blogging and you were sobbing into your giant pillow.
Crap. The wrong photo uploaded, but I WOULD like to introduce you to my new sparkly cell phone case. ISN'T IT LOVELY? Ten dollars! I don't mean that'll be $10 to look at my case, although I should have charged admission, so lovely is it.
GOD. Here. Apparently I must have cleaned the house, because my annoying Martha Stewart book was out. Like that heifer ever holds a cleaning agent herself.
I went to a poetry reading or a meet-the-author or some such thing downtown with my pal Jo in November. I should have just said I went downtown with my friend Jo in order to get the traffic from searches from pervs.
I got there early so what was I to do but pop into my friend Kit's vintage store?
Where I found these, and slapped them on right over my tights. I was in love in the way that makes you shaky. Like the first time I saw Tallulah.
"What am I to do? I love the shoes. I must have the shoes. I should not buy the shoes. I MUST HAVE THE SHOES!!!"
Here's the next night, at Ned's, where I took 9494593939 photos of my shoes.
For reals.
I have failed to mention to you that my health has been poor, I've been feeling poorly, since September. I think the construction at work did not help, with the dust and the glue and the PAINT, but I started to get migraines almost every day for awhile, there. The day after the fair in October? I had the WORST MIGRAINE EVER. I even had to go to the ER and Ned sat there with me, helpless.
I finally got a series of shots and more steroids and a new prescription and finally the daily migraines stopped after six fun weeks. The very day I felt better, I also felt a cold coming on.
Dudes.
That cold was RIDICULOUS. In fact, I think it was the flu. I say this because of the part where all I could do was fall into a dead, sweaty sleep and wake up like a toddler with my hair in damp curls on my forehead. Then Ned caught it and he missed three days of work. Oh, we were pretty.
To make matters worse, a woman I know had been diagnosed with gall bladder cancer, and I went to the Chinese place to get hot and sour soup and I saw her husband. He told me she was in hospice, and I had no idea things were that bad. I called my friend, and she said DO NOT COME HERE WITH THAT COLD, so I did not, but I promised to make her family macaroni and cheese, NOT KRAFT but a real recipe.
Dudes, that cold or whatever it was TOOK FOREVER, and 10 days later I finally rallied. The day--THE VERY DAY--I started to feel human again, I said, "I'll go for a run, then go to the store and get the macaroni and cheese stuff for my friend."
I know I blogged at you in November, when I came back here and blogged that one time, that I was training for a half-marathon.
I was excited to get back out and run again, as my training had been going well, and Edsel liked running with me. I'd been taking turns with the dogs, but one day I put the leash on Lu, and she was all smell lu, edzul and Edsel was all fit to be tied, and you think I'm anthropomorphizing these dogs but I'm telling you it was a competition, who got to go with me. Anyway on that day we got out to the driveway and Lu was all, let do dis and she had one foot up like a flamingo. I picked up the dangling foot and she said EEEEEEEEEEEE! and I knew she'd stepped on something dumb in the back yard as she sometimes does.
"Lu, you can't run with me. You hurt your foot." But she was all, yes lu can, and trying to pull for forward with three feets. Poor Lu. So anyway, on the day I was finally getting well again I took Eds.
Forunately, on that day, the Tall Boy was over, too. He was headed to his girlfriend's house, but I left before he did as he was in the middle of something or other. I think he was fixing my window. Hoo care. The point is, it was a beautiful night, and my run was going great, and it started to get dark so I jumped onto the sidewalk.
That was a mistake.
Because it all happened so fast that I actually don't KNOW what happened, but as far as I can tell, I hit the unevenness of pavement and where grass starts. All I know for sure, as Oprah would say, is
BOOM
I hit the ground so hard and so fast it was like I'd been pushed. All of a sudden I was on a lawn, splayed out there like a tipped-over yard sign. If I were a yard sign, what would I be? Maybe one of those warnings not to break in because there's an alarm inside, which you always know is bullshit.
The point is, I was stunned, then OH MY GOD in pain. The pain. THE PAIN!!!
I'd let go of Edsel's leash, but there he was, hovering over me as he is wont to do. "It's okay, Edsel," said to him, although I was way scareder than he was. I tried to use him to help myself up but no. There was no getting up, and there's just no getting over you.
Thank GOD I knew the Tall Boy was still at my house, because Ned was in bed with the very cold I'd just gotten over, and he would have had to schlep over anyway. But the TB drove the few blocks to where I was, and literally had to lift me into the car.
So, I had a sprained ankle and a bruise the size of my head on the other knee, and my wrists were strained. In general it was a good time. And my ankle is STILL NOT RIGHT. Yes, I've had it xrayed. Anyway, you know those inspirational stories where people get up and run again?
Not me. I am an inspiration to no one. Will never run again. And my friend never got her mac and cheese because I am horrible.
Here was most of my November, and I specifically picked an ungory shot of my foot. I was pretty bad, though, trust me.
This injury ended up meaning that Ned and I weren't able to go to Michigan for Thanksgiving as we'd planned. My foot was supposed to stay elevated, and 13 hours in the car NOT elevating it was bad, PLUS the weather was going to be dreadful the entire drive.
So we made reservations at one of the fancy hotels here, and had dinner and went to that nice lesbian movie I told you about, and had several days off together and really it was one of the best Thanksgivings we've ever had. It was great! The only drawback was, no leftovers. But considering all the exercise I could do at that time was crutch to the car and back, that might have been a good thing. As Martha Stewart would say.
Aaaaand we've come full circle. The circle of life.
Boom.
