I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you that when you post photos of your handsome high-school-age sons on Facebook, I am over here thinking impure thoughts. I'm THAT neighbor. "Honey, don't walk past Miss Gardens' place in those shorts. Come home from football practice the other way. I just get a creepy feeling from her."
So, hey, how is everyone? I was busy with Ned yesterday, as I am wont to be on weekends. Yesterday we decided to see a movie that looked really good:
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It was 2:15 when Ned and I decided this, and he had about an hour to get home, shower, and drive back here to get me.
That? Did not happen. I feel like Ned has some sort of in-depth exfoliation plan that I know nothing about. What I am saying to you is he does not get ready fast, like a fireman. He told me once about being in an old girlfriend's wedding, so his old girlfriend, his then-current girlfriend and another woman he'd once dated were all planning their day, and Ned said, "I just need to go back to the hotel and take a shower. I'll be fast."
Ned told me that all three women said, "No, you won't" and then everyone laughed merrily, and let's discuss what a stud Ned is with The Many Wimmins O'Ned.
My point is, he got to my house closer to 4:00, looking strangely fresh, like he'd shed his skin.
OH! I forgot! I was making an exfoliation joke, but that reminds me! The other day we were clearing downed branches from my yard, and Ned held up this beige circle. "Look at this!" he said, all proud. "This is a snakeskin! Right in your yard!"
"AAACKKKKKKKKKK!" I screamed, and then I fainted and died and convulsed and cried and threw up and fainted again.
"I'm sure it's a black snake, June," said Ned, like this was great news. "You WANT black snakes in your yard. They keep the rodents down."
You know what keeps the rodents down? The $300 worth of rat poison in my head. It emits powerful rays from my forehead and alerts all vermin not to come in my yard. I do not need SNAKE HELP, thanks very nuch. And I like how people act like I'd take a creepy armless SNAKE over a cute gray mousie if I have the choice.
My point is, we had to go to this movie instead:
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I wish I could tell you how I amuse myself by putting periods after the movie, like it's part of my sentence.
Anyway, my. Another uplifting film, selected by Ned. Maybe I should have stayed home and looked for my new snake dweller. The good news is, he hated this movie, as well. Ned did. Not my new snake. My new snake threw a hissy fit that we didn't ask him to come along. My new snake stayed here and looked at dirty movies on my computer. He can't get enough of those come slither looks at the camera.
Oh my god. As I blog, Typpad suggests related links, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with this information, but I see that the talk about black snakes has brought up a nice reference to where I wrote about Dondi, as you do, in a post I must've called "Ebony Eyes," and I wish I could tell you what a kick I get out of my own self. Ebony Eyes. Oh, I am hilarious.
And let's be sure to read all those horrifying snake stories they want me to link to, as well.
At any rate, that sums up my weekend, and tonight I am all a-twitter about the Real Housewives reunion, part deux. Am beside self, and plan to wear a tight primary-colored dress and spiky heels, and possibly attempt to grow my hair inappropriately long this afternoon, before I commence to watching.
Life is a sexy little dance, and I like to take the lead.
Love, June
