Bye Bye, Pie!

In which Marilyn Monroe is compared to a nut

Last night, there was an enormous spider on Ned's wall. It was a major spider. You can imagine my manly response. Ned got rid of it, and agreed it was a giant spider. "I think he was suicidal. He didn't... Read more →

Apparently, the rhythm got June

The directions to my eyelash curler pads are so small I had to use a magnifying glass to read them. No, we're not back to first-world-problem day. Still! How annoying. I can't read anything anymore, and Ned just last night... Read more →

June gets her Zum on

All summer, my city is offering free workouts at parks on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. The schedule is on the refridge® at work and torments me daily. "I really should be doing these," I think, as I head for the... Read more →

Juneshana

In my continued attempts at thin-nity, I am trying to eat only half a bagel today. This is criminal. I am also eating reduced-fat cream cheese and an antique tomato, as Ned would call it. Once he was getting food,... Read more →

Namaste, heifers

A disciplined woman would do yoga BEFORE blogging. "A real woman could stop you from drinking." "It'd have to be a really big woman." Name that movie. Anyway, here I am blogging, not yoga-ing, and why don't you nama my... Read more →

I really have no idea what's wrong with me

I am exhausted. We whacked weeds, fixed the screen door, painted a chair. And yet? There was time for ABBA. Again, it's hard to tell, but here's the original. And I start doing my stellar impresh at about 2:27. I.must.be.stopped.... Read more →

Old flame

I spilled a bag of peanuts into the dogs' bag of food, so now every meal is packed with peanuts. Kibble really satisfies. And if you think my dogs are persnickety about peanuts in the shell being in their kibble,... Read more →

This is why they shouldn't let me out of work early.

Because I go home and do crap like this. (I was so totally watching the real video.) (Oh, I guess I should tell you that person dancing, here, is me, and not Pat Benetar. I know the similarity is frightening.) Read more →

I know this is stupid

but I live near a busy street, and just now a squirrel got hit by a car. It happens all the time on that dumb road. My cat Roger was killed on that road, and Tallulah was hit there, too.... Read more →

Coffee soup is good food

The good news is, I keep forgetting to buy detergent for the dishwasher, so am currently drinking coffee out of soup bowl. My life just gets fabulouser. I have a friend who is extra-super-annoyingly fit, and she and her man... Read more →

Yogurt, furnaces, the Greeks, bawls

The yogurt I'm eating expires today, so if I begin to die, please tell that to the paramedics so they can treat me for expired-yogurt disease. Thank you. Remember when we all ate Dannon like it was a thing? Stirred... Read more →

Nothing a little pineapple Hello Kitty can't cure

Thank you all for your kind comments yesterday for the 8 minutes that fucking Typepad was up. They're under another attack and working to keep this dang site functioning. I'd like to take that HeartBleed bastard and smack him right... Read more →

Alone again. Naturally.

Last night, Ned and I broke up. And what makes me a completely unlikable person is that I can take my agony and reduce it to a scene from Sex and the City. Except I'm in Greensboro. In a '50s... Read more →

Dig if you will a picture

Oh my GOD, I just spent hours--hours!!--with Apple, but my PHONE IS FIXED-DED! I am so happy. I have to go get ready, because Ned and I are headed to (wait for it) Winston-Salem to see Marvin's band play. I... Read more →

In which Ned does not wish to kick off his Sunday shoes. Also, FREEEK EEE Friday!

I might have been a little dramatic about the Freaky Friday story, but it will show up at the end of this post. So all you have to do is slog through the crap Ima blog about and then you... Read more →

June Tais One On

A few weeks ago at work, someone put a flyer on the refrigerator, or "refridge," as Ned likes to call it. (Once he referred to "the refridge" and then he said, "Why did I just call it that? I've never... Read more →

Shower Curtain Rod Stewart

Thanks for the shower-curtain-rod advice yesterday. I don't have drywall, I have tile, and the damn thing fell again yesterday. Ned and his engineering degree say that my shower curtain is too heavy, but believe it or not my shower... Read more →

Mostly I just like to say, "Solange."

Sorry I'm late today. I was super busy beating up my brother-in-law in an elevator. By now I hope you've seen the delightful and riveting video of Beyonce's sister, Solange, beating up poor Jay Z, who always struck me as... Read more →

Ned does not really wear an orange caftan. I can just see some yahoo taking that seriously.

This weekend, Ned and I schlepped to see his mom, who lives at the beach, which is not too shabby. Ned and his mom stayed up talking till 2:00 in the morning on Friday, and his entire family must think... Read more →

Ned's nephew is my people

Sent from my iPhone Read more →

I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen

Hi! We're having second pie today. I know! The thing is, I totally promised The Poet at work that I would mention her pen today, and it's sort of in keeping with Freaky Friday a little, and she just wrote... Read more →

The one where June has chaos. And possibly a new kitty!

Tonight after work, Ned and I are headed to the beach to spend Mother's Day with his mom, and I am certain you can picture my organized, already-done packing. So that means this morning I have to take the dogs... Read more →

Beth hatha checks in

Yesterday my yoga DVD came, because I've decided to become one of those yoga women. I'll be all sinewy and lean, like Madonna only less gross. My Tracy Anderson DVD is great, and I lost 10 pounds using that thing,... Read more →

Now in fresh, you failed-at-life scent!

Has anyone else noted that the Secret brand has taken over all the deodorants? I am about to run out of my Secret Outlast Completely Clean, which every time I look at that name on my deodorant I think of... Read more →

You got a fast...fast

This morning I am fasting, because I seek spiritual enlightenment. Or, alternatively, they are doing medical testing on us at work to see if we are dying. It's a whole insurance thing. Remember when I did this a few years... Read more →

June and Ned have their minds in the gutter. Oh, that is hilarious.

On Saturday, Ned helped me clean my gutters. I know! It's rewarding to date me. Also, by "helped," I mean Ned climbed the ladder 4858483 times, got on the actual roof dug his hands around in bug-filled pine needles in... Read more →

June hangs out her shingle and gets BRF

Last night I ended up going out with about 14 of the people I work with who are all named Alex. I know! Doesn't it look so fun? How my day went, my shingle-y damn day, was that I went... Read more →

June's a brick...howse

I have exactly 20 minutes to write this, so it will be hurried and fraught with the errors you love to point out to me, admit it, but I will tell you about my harrowing few days. I've had this... Read more →