Bye Bye, Pie!

I'm in hell

God, moving is awful. Talk amongst yourselves. In the meantime, I was perusing all the stupid photos I've taken with this computer through the years. Self-involved much? Christmas last year. Nice. Knife. November of 2011, when I was dating the... Read more →

Did you know I'm moving?

My nails are a mess and all the emery boards have been packed away, I have a bruise on my shin now, and my left calf is not working. Yesterday was the hardest of all the damn moving days, so... Read more →

In which June giggles at screws.

We were a lot cuter when the day began. I brought the dogs on the porch for a last portrait in front of the house. Ever since Talu had her incident, you have to bribe her with treats or cat... Read more →

Okay, here's the song Marvin wrote for my mom

You're welcome. Read more →

Freaky Friday: Look what June remembered to do!

I have gotten a few Freaky Friday submissions since Peter's chilling tale. Here's one from Jeanne. __________________________________________________________________________ My mother used to tell a story about me: When I about four, I found my mother weeping and asked her why. She... Read more →

Livin' downtown. Driving all the old men crazy. Sadly, I'm probably too old to drive old men crazy.

Well, I'm ALMOST packed. I know it's taking forever, but I'm going through a whole house and shed and attic and Marvin's stuff and besides, I usually get bored after an hour. There's no light in the living room anymore,... Read more →

Let me stand next to your fire

Ned is sick. If you're Catholic, you might want to go light a candle or something. He emailed me midmorning yesterday. "I am home from work. I have aches, chills, I feel awful." I asked if he needed anything. "Yes.... Read more →

Shag

Ned and I have been dating for two years, eight months and four days, but who's counting. At some point, we've developed a little routine. This is mostly because Ned is a very routine-y person, whereas we all consider ourselves... Read more →

Now there's me there is no weakness

It's Sunday night and it's raining, which I knew would happen anyway because my hair predicted it. I inevitably get a small but unmistakable curl right in the middle of my forehead--yes, when she was bad she was horrid--before it... Read more →

Officially getting sad

Just broke the news of my move to my neighbor Peg, of the norovirus Pegs. Despite breaking my 30-year no-barf streak, she's been a good neighbor. She made dinner for me and brought it over the day Marvin left. She... Read more →

My hands are small I know. Oh, shut up.

I just heard that stupid Jewel song, from the '90s, where she wishes she could tell the whole world, "We're all okay." She also wishes to tell the world not to worry, because worrying's wasteful and something not good something.... Read more →

What a lot of mermaids say

I'm going to have to resort to using the word redonkulous to describe yesterday's workday, and I wouldn't like me, either. I was so busy, without looking up, ever, and then last night I dreamed the thing I was working... Read more →

Rhinestone Cat Chow

The other night, Ned and I headed to his house in separate cars. We do that so if one of us dies the entire monarchy won't go to hell. When we get near his house, I always turn on February... Read more →

Q-Tips and other hints from June

I had a dream that Ned and I offed Julia Roberts last night, but mostly that is because we saw the movie Rope in that old theater we like. But also because Julia Roberts. Dear FBI: I do not wish... Read more →

In which I am so unfunny that I make a Willem Dafoe joke. You are going to Willem Defriend me.

I want you to know that as I type this to you, I am also touching up my white roots. June Gardens, multitasker. June Gardens, white-haired old geez. I guess "old geez" is redundant. You'll have to accommodate me. I'm... Read more →

Why am I so one-eyed if these are the best years of my life?

I have no idea what would compel a cat to get right in the middle of the action of loud, floomping books going floompily into a box many times. But this is why I love Iris so bad. Read more →

Return of Freaky Friday. OooooooWEEEEEEOooooooo!

I haven't done any Freaky Friday tales lately because as far as I know, I'm out of them. If you sent me one and I never published it, tell me in an email and I will look for it. Do... Read more →

Pretentious Cat Chow

I came into work yesterday morning, and it turns out a lot of people had been there till 1:30 the night before. The good news is there were doughnuts AND leftover pizza, as well. Honestly, I think the dryer is... Read more →

Dog Gas Day Afternoon

Why do you guys even let me go to Ned's? You know it makes me show up here late. In three weeks, is EVERY post gonna be late because THERE Ned will be, distracting me? On top of that, so... Read more →

CU Now, Tuesday. That never gets old.

Mondays are always my ridiculous day, as I have an hour-long weekly meeting at work right from 4:00 till 5:00, and then I have my my student--for whom I have to make lesson plans--and finally my Purple Clover articles are... Read more →

Go on, take the money and run--WOOOOO, DOG!

On Friday night, Ned and I had one teensy modicum of fun; we decided to go to the food truck rodeo before we commenced our pre-garage-sale work. Not that we hadn't been working on that goddamn sale all week. Ned... Read more →

I can't give it away on Seventh Avenue

I cannot wait till tomorrow, when I can go to work and relax. Could not be more exhausted. I will recap this stupendous, took-72-hours,-really yard sale Monday morning; right now all I want to do is collapse with a book... Read more →

June's Bloggy Garage Sale Auction Thing

Since you can't come to my garage sale, I will have one here online. Am auctioning off the iconic orange crate pictures that have been in the background of every stupid computer self-portrait I have ever done. I'm selling them... Read more →

Once I had a love, and he was a gas. Soon found out, had a shard of glass.

Yesterday was a stupid day. I was in the shower yesterday morning, and found a shard of glass impaled in my foot, first of all. Ned and Edsel had been playing fetch in the house, and Ned broke a vase.... Read more →

A party! A death party! (Remind me to tell you that story.)

I forgot to tell you that last week, my boss's boss went on vacation, so naturally we all blew up 84895949 balloons and filled his office with them. Mature. We all gave ourselves aneurysms blowing up that many balloons, and... Read more →

Dear June, I love "air quotes." How do I stop? Love, Reader.

Last night, Ned schlepped over 900 boxes of books to sell at our yard sale, and after we cursed and sweated and floomped boxes and sweated some more and sweatily looked at his books and I made fun of Kafka,... Read more →

Seeing You Next Tuesday

I guess blogging was not a priority this weekend. Fortunately for you, now I can tell you EVERY DETAIL of the weekend RIGHT NOW, so it's like you were THERE! I plan to do a lot of, "Wait. Let me... Read more →