I really meant to type "hi," and my nails have grown too long. I've had a gel manicure on them since Thanksgiving and all of a sudden I'm Cher. Remember how she had the nails? God, I wanted nails like that in the worst way. I had no idea in 1975, when I was lusting for them, that they'd really interfere with my blog.
We got home at 1:00 a.m. today, having gone to Raleigh for not one but two celebrations, because we're Kim and Kanye. First was Ned's family party, that always takes place first in a bowling alley--a really cool old one where you have to keep score by yourself and what is this, 1974?
That's right. You see it. Kind of. Shut up. Anyway, 103!!!! What a bowler. Maybe it's because I already bowled this week. I'm a professional now. June's Photography and Bowling Tips Seminar. Sign up now! Seats are going fast.
After the bowling portion of the day, we all schlep on over to Ned's brother's house for Christmas. Every year there's a theme, and this year the theme was White Trash, or as Ned's sister-in-law called it, Anglo-Refuse-American.
Yes, I DO love Ned's sister-in-law. Why do you ask?
No stone was left unturned, and the sad part is, EVERYTHING WAS DELICIOUS, if you ask me.
Fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, pork rinds, bologna, cut-up hot dogs on toothpicks, Ritz crackers and spray cheese food.
Hell, yeah.
Look at June, all bonding with children like a normal member of society. This kid is particularly cool, and she laughs at my jokes, so. Plus, we look related, don't we?
What's sad is I absolutely know Ned's family poured out that beer to put in the beef jerky and lottery tickets, when I'd have been happy to take that PBR right off their hands.
Ned's mom (left) and stepmother really like each other. Isn't that cute? They went to high school together, so it's funny to hear them talk about some girl they both didn't like, or whatever. It'd be like if my friend Dave Newman married Marvin and I got to come to their events, which by the way, Dave and Marvin, if you two decide to do that, I cannot think of anything more fun.
We finally got to the presents part, and I wish you could have seen how far into the room the gifts extended past that tree. Good gravy. Anyway, Ned and I got a big speaker for our TV, which is great, because as a housewarming we got Chromecast for the TV, so now we can scream our music from our computers out the TV, and won't you be over soon to hear Dancing Queen come out of the TV?
We also got this CUTE CUTE CUTE birdhouse from Ned's mom!
deeR Ned MoM,
theenk you fer burdhouwse. delishis.
love,
eyeriss
Last night, Ned's sister-in-law was trying to refer to all our pets, and she called my cats Blindy and Other Cat. They are so going by those names from now on.
Blindy.
The Other Cat.
What fur everywhere? What you mean?
You know what's easy? Taking photos of your cats when they're just running around living life. Lily (T.O.C.) likes to sit under the shower curtain on the bathroom rug, and that would have been an ADORABLE picture, but guess who ran as soon as I lifted the curtain? Dick.
Ned's stepmom was at an art show with her son, who normally lives in England but is home for Christmas. They came across a table that had all vintage wreaths and corsages, and she picked this one up and said to her son, "You haven't met June yet, but she will love this." You can imagine his trepidation at meeting me.
Dood. LOOK AT IT! Look at the one angel, who has angry dark eyebrows like I do now. Behold the brows. Ned's stepmom = prescient. Even better? IT JINGLES. The corsage, not my brows. There are BELLS in it. In my world, every time a bell rings, a drag queen gets her wings.
I pinned that MoFo right onto my coat and we went to the party at Ned's friends' house. I love Ned's friends. They're always really nice to me, plus also everyone was way up in my nice corsage. At the end of the night I told someone we had to go, because I had to return my corsage to the Minimalist Museum.
There were three dogs at the party, and as you know, I base my time at a party on how many pets there were and did they let me pet them. One grumpy large dog showed his teeth to us, so B+. The other dogs were muffins.
I gotta get ready for Chris and Lilly's party now, because Kim and Kanye. I totally called it--I'm Kanye.
Ima let you finish.
June
