Bye Bye, Pie!

If that's movin' up then I'm movin' out

So here I am, at the house Ned and I share. Shared. Crap. I'm packing some stuff today and taking it to the new place. I half-heartedly tried to schedule movers this week, but when no one called me back,... Read more →

What the psychic said

Composing on my phone again, which is sure to be error-free. Last night, the Alexes and I went to a psychic. We each had 20-minute readings. She told me that I needed to calm down (Hah!) and really decide what... Read more →

At my pal Kaye's house

I'm composing this verbally, via my phone, and I cannot imagine the travesty it is going to turn out to be. I am at my friend Kay's house, and I cannot wait to see how this phone spells Kay. Please... Read more →

Like Snow White

My roots just shot clean out my head in the past couple days. "That's cause you're mad," said my student yesterday. She said it with utter confidence, like she was an anger/follicle expert. "When you get mad, your hair comes... Read more →

Crappy thoughts while in the midst of a crappy breakup

I've been sleeping with my dogs again, for the first time since September. It's lovely, and also awful. I forgot how they get right on top of me, so I can't move my legs, ever, or roll over. But there... Read more →

Alone again, naturally

Thank you to everyone who texted or emailed or called or whatever. It means a lot to know I am not alone in this hell. I've contacted a few places to see about moving in to them, but do not... Read more →

It's Over

Am going to try to be dignified about this, like I'm Coretta Scott King or something, but my relationship is over. And I don't mean sort of or maybe or we had a tiff. The damage is irreparable and it's... Read more →

June Gardens, Injection Model

It turns out I'm just fine having needles stuck up in me as long as I have an audience. A barfing audience still counts as an audience. A few weeks back, I went to my regular doctor, and yes she... Read more →

The one where June is kind of berserk

As soon as he gets out the shower, Ima kill Ned. He didn't wake me up till after 7:30! WHY? WHYYYY? Aaaaaand, he didn't get in the shower till after THAT, so now I'm trapped, panicked, waiting for him to... Read more →

I'm Mr. Bug. I own a mansion and a yacht.

Since I've been felled--FELLED!--by this illness, I've watched approximately 40 episodes of my Sex and the City. Not that I own the franchise to that show; if I did do you really think I'd be sitting around here talking to... Read more →

You know I hate to complain

Last night I finally showered, at 8 p.m., and I didn't bother to wash my hair. It got a little wet, though, and that with the combination of my curls being in bed all day resulted in it drying into... Read more →

June Gardens, Trooper

I have been on bed all day. ALL. DAY. When Ned came home, he found me in exactly the same position I'd been in 12 hours before. That is to say prone. IN THE BED. And not in the good... Read more →

Three

I found myself wondering today about Carmine Ragusa. Did he ever marry Shirley? I stopped watching after Laverne and Shirley moved to California, because that was just stupid. Remember how their entire circle moved there, too? Oh, look, Dad's girlfriend... Read more →

The one where Ned sleeps in

Our problem is, Ned doesn't get sleepy till, like, 1:00 in the morning, and I don't understand people like him. I mean, when I was 20, sure, I was raring to go at 1:00. Now I get logy at about... Read more →

Marvin, please read this one. There are no feet, I promise.

I got a big kick out of everyone's comments yesterday. The poor Guy Who Sits Next To Me had to hear each new what-you'd-find-if-you-cut-me-open comment. Imagine being the poor guy who has to sit next to me all day. His... Read more →

Glitter and kittens

I don't even know what to tell you about the conversations I get into with my boss. Yesterday we somehow started talking about if you'd cut us open, what would be inside. "Well, if you cut me open, you'd find... Read more →

Royale with Cheese

We have a work delay due to inclement weather, which by the way is a tenth of an inch of ice. OH MY GOD STAY IN! The Michigan in me giggles. The lazy in me rejoices. Last night I slept... Read more →

Apres Photoshoot

The photographer came. He was a lovely man, who just got an Australian shepherd puppy named Bo who I saw a picture of and I love Bo so bad. I sneaked in this shot of said photographer in my room;... Read more →

The one where June can't blog because she has to be interviewed about her blog

Here's what I'm wearing. ("Sometimes I vary it a little." "Which part?" "What I'm wearing.") (Name that movie!) I will alert you as to how it went. I wasn't nervous till I started talking about it just now ohmygod. At... Read more →

Real Romance

I woke Ned up in the middle of the night. According to my Fitbit, it was somewhere between 2:47 and 3:08. "I'm sick," I announced, not at all dramatically. "My stomach is sick." "Oh, no!" Ned jolted up. "Come here!... Read more →

Meet Ralph

The Sunday New York Times came today with no wedding section, which is my favorite part. "No, I didn't read the piece on China's faceless masses. I was checking out the lingerie ads." That's from the movie Manhattan, and shut... Read more →

Our nation breathes a sigh of relief

My Fitbit logged my sleep! I know! I slept 8 hours and 21 minutes and woke up twice, once because I had a dream that I slid open the shower curtain and when I did, someone grabbed my neck and... Read more →

JuneBit Flex

My crappy things aside, the good news is that I have my Fitbit Flex on as we speak! I know, man. They had them on sale at Bed, Boys & Behinds or whatever Faithful Reader Paula's unfortunate coworker calls it,... Read more →

Here I am, the one that you love

Sorry I didn't write earlier today; I had Botox. So far, I can frown at you just the same, but in a few days I wish to appear vapid and expressionless. Also, you guys, I've got shit going down. Not... Read more →

Tallulah Bright and Dark

Is everyone back now? Are you all done ignoring me? Just another reason for me to hate the holidays: Everyone leaves. I blog on and on: Here's what I got for Christmas! Hey, Dick Clark and me, throwing down! Me:... Read more →

June blogs while Ned boils

Ned just told me he'd poach us some eggs, and yes we ARE just getting up at 1:00 in the afternoon, and we are decadent and have I ever mentioned I've never regretted being childless? I did, however, have to... Read more →

Tips from June

An hour and a half of yoga followed by an hour and a half of Nedding = legs of Jello. Read more →

June's blog. Stay for the stove speak.

Ned doesn't have to work today, so he set the alarm for "7:00," and have I told you how I never know what time it really is? Does anybody really know what time it is? In this house, no. Does... Read more →

June atttends a kindness meditation. God rolls eyes.

Well, it's a brand-new year, so let's start right away by making fun of someone. I was doing research at work, and found that a popular dating site--which I will not name because if this model below is a real... Read more →