"Have you seen Phteven?" asked The Guy Who Sits Next To Me. I had not. Am now obsessed.
Why did I not think to do this with Edsel's underbite? Could be rich now.
Google him. There are a million pictures of him and his overbite that you can giggle at and avoid work.
Speaking of avoiding, I had therapy yesterday at 7:00. I therapy with my old therapist from LA, and I wish I could cram some form of the word "therapy" into these sentences more often. We Skype therapeutically. It's very Jetsons of us. I am so Jane Jetson, complaining George's wallet just isn't enough. What a bitchy move that was, taking his whole wallet, and how misogynistic of the cartoonist to even think of it. I'll bet that cartoonist worked all day at Hanna-Barbera, making one background that his characters could run past over and over, while his good-for-nothing wife spent all his money on bikinis to try to seduce the pool boy.
The point is, my goal was to get home and do a half hour of yoga with that guy whose DVD (or tape, as Marvin's parents would say) I bought a year ago, the guy with the weird name. Gurpmaloni Volvo or something.
Okay. Tamal Dodge. I was close.
So I got in and fed all 750 animals, then I sat down for a second and somehow got on Pinterest. I act like I was hypnotized, but I kinda was, because I started pinning a whole new wall called My Dream Life. Here it is so far. Of COURSE Barry Gibb's on there. What do you want from me? You know who isn't on there? Gurpmaloni Volvo, that's who. Because it was 7:02 when I looked up, and I was late for therapy even though I was sitting right here where therapy was going to commence.
If you were going to make a dream life board, what would you put on it? I'm not done yet, because I need a lot more pictures of mashed potatoes. And strawberries. And maybe a teacup piglet. And bikinis to seduce the, one hopes, half-blind pool boy. The, one hopes, chubby-chasing pool boy. A pool boy who's looking for less of a cougar and more of a woman who's got a little Kit-Kat inside her.
Would "Be June's therapist" be on your dream board? Would it? How about "Clean up after June's Irish Wolfhound, who she is going to conveniently name Bitter Black Beer, the Wolfhound"? Is that on there?
Do tell.