Bye Bye, Pie!

Girls, Tramps, Butterfaces

Last night, Ned and I went to see Girls, Girls, Girls at the old theater we like. Mostly it was about how a slutty woman with dumb hair and a butterface both liked Elvis. You know what a butterface is,... Read more →

"I HAVE SPOKEN!"

I'd been taking pictures of Ned last night, after dinner, and he hated them all and said not to use them here, so while he was out of the room I snapped this one of myself, then commenced to abhorring... Read more →

Yo quiero Ned, and kiss Angie

Yesterday was a momentous day, and you might want to mark your calendars: I got Ned to eat dinner at Taco Bell. I have brought Ned over to my dark side. You know how I told you I had scream... Read more →

We go together like a drink and a smile

I'm related to people who have an addiction to alcohol. I will not name names, although I suppose one of my grandfathers wouldn't have minded me telling you that he did, seeing as he was in AA for most of... Read more →

The Burrito Vanishes

I am going to have a ridiculous day, in which I will be running from one thing to the next till 9:00 p.m., and then? I have to come home and write a Purple Clover article. So I thought maybe... Read more →

Beaches. But not in a Barbara Hershey's dead kinda way.

Did you miss me? Have you been holding a vigil? Did I ever tell you about when my friend Dot and I went to see Snow White? This was in college, when we were not at all full of ourselves... Read more →

Life's a beach. HAHAHAHAHA Wooo! Hah! ...heh.

We are headed to the beach for the week, and it's been my experience that Typepad no longer lets me email in a post, and THANKS, Typepad. So you'll have to be Juneless this week. Try to carry on. My... Read more →

Elvis Jesus. And party every day.

"You can't just turn FIFTY and not CELEBRATE it!" screeched one of the Alexes a few weeks ago. I was really kind of depressed about turning old, and for once did not wanna do much of anything. "We're going for... Read more →

Am I still 50? I was kind of hoping it was a one-day thing. Like a virus.

Just to catch you up, it was my 50th birthday yesterday. I KNOW. I hardly mentioned it. Please note the earrings my Aunt Mary gave me, and the necklace Ned gave me. I was shiny yesterday. Cankle alert. I also... Read more →

June, 5.0. Give or take a decimal.

Say, does anyone have the time? Oh, wait. I do. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BE 50. Shit. Last night, Ned said we could go anywhere we wanted for dinner, as it was my birthday eve. "Stameys!" I said. It's... Read more →

Run, Forties, Run!

I woke up early today, on my last day of being 40. This was because I pretty much went to bed at 7:30. I'd have gone earlier had that not looked pathetic. On Tuesday nights, this sadist comes to my... Read more →

Countdown to @#%$& 50

My gifts are piling up, and apparently someone gave me an ancient, weird white cat. Look at her, all perched up there like a mountain goat. That cat kills me. Also, Dear Ned: With the newspapers, already. Ned is a... Read more →

Scruuu Ball

Tallulah's doing her harrr-ing, where she rolls around on the bed and goes, "Harrrrrr. Harrrrrmmmph. Harrrr..." eds not even no wat to think when Lu do dis. I mean, do eds go for help, or...? Eds hate to haff to... Read more →

June rambles about nothing. Well. Martinis. That's something.

I feel like Belle Watling may have been driving her point home a little too hard with the bell earrings. I mean, we get it. Why don't you just date Quasimoto while you're at it? Why don't you move to... Read more →

Celebrity Gossip with June

I just read an article yesterday, in my hard-hitting Entertainment Weekly, because I think it's important to stay abreast of the news. In it, a gay actor (that guy from Girls, you know the one? I love him) said young... Read more →

Watch June apply her makeup. You won't BELIEVE what happens next. Yeah, you will. She puts on clothes and goes to work.

Today, Ima talk to you while I do my makeup. Here I am, looking like one of those women who doesn't shave her parts, whose one iota of makeup is some tinted Burt's Bees balm. Mmmm. Vision. You know, I... Read more →

Overture, curtain, lights. Or, Fay Wray has June hair.

Last night, we went to see King Kong, and not any stupid King Kong with Naomi Watts or even Jessica Lange. The original one, with that subtle actress Fay Wray. Please note the part where she's practically nekkid in that... Read more →

The impatient torso

I haven't really talked to you since the 4th of July, before that kid out there put a firecracker and his head and killed his own self. Did you read about that? Anyway, since it's been that long, I will... Read more →

Could not stand

Friend me on Facebook. I got bored without it. (Real name is NOT AT ALL Karen Sommerfeld.) Read more →

Hugging broccoli

Although it's a national holiday, a day where we all try to blow off body parts and scare the country's dogs half to death, I thought I'd check in. Don't you hate people who say "check in"? Because I'm not... Read more →

They're where you get your strength

Two old boyfriends contacted me yesterday. Clearly, no one can resist me. I mean, they can, for several years in a row. But then they cannot. "I was bored, so I Googled you and found your Purple Clover articles. Read... Read more →

Oh my stars

Is there any phrase more useless than "As you may or may not know"? Really, what is the point of saying that? So, as you may or may not know, on Facebook there is a fan page of this blog... Read more →