Bye Bye, Pie!

I never promised you a June garden

My cousin Katy sent me new lipsticks!! I was really just thinking, I should go buy me a lipstick. Any time I buy a new one, I think THIS will be the color for me. THIS will be my signature... Read more →

Total Whine

The other day I was at Lowe's, because every time you move you have to go to Lowe's, it's the law. Anyway, across the street from Lowe's is this store called Total Wine, which Ned calls Totally Wine, and it's... Read more →

God giggles at June

"I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life," Ned just said. I assured him he is not. "Who else am I gonna meet that's 50 and just as immature as me? Everyone else is grown up," he... Read more →

My happy hour of need

The good news is, since I moved in here, my credit score has gone up 58 points. Fifty-eight points, dudes! My car is paid off, and two of my three credit cards are at zero. So that's a plus. On... Read more →

In which June starts comparing herself to Frida, which means she has really lost it

A faithful reader sent me a poem that allegedly Frida Kahlo wrote--I did not confirm that part. Here: "leaving is not enough; you must stay gone. train your heart like a dog. change the locks even on the house he’s... Read more →

Oh, crap

I wrote a post this morning but mentioned a work thing, which I have to take down! But suffice it to say June=sad. June=despondent. That sums me up. Read more →

Aw, nuts

Ned took this picture of Lu and me last night, while I was taking a break from packing. Whenever Ned and I start talking now, Tallulah nervously enters the room and groans. Then she walks between us and puts her... Read more →

Advice. A thing you all CHAMP AT THE BIT to do anyway...

Best how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice... Read more →

June goes on a date with her ex-boyfriend Ned

When I was 11, we moved into an old, pretty house with a fireplace and an upstairs, which we didn't have in our old house, and after one month exactly, my parents got divorced and we moved out. I wonder... Read more →

Alone again, naturally

A week ago, Ned and I broke up. I felt like his absence on here has been remarkably conspicuous, but that's probably because I just miss Ned. We're here in this house together, for now. My tenants have till November... Read more →

Oh, sorry

We have a greenway near work, and one of the Alexes was walking on it when she stumbled upon a man having a time with himself. She didn't literally stumble upon him, thank god. Anyway, when she noticed him, he... Read more →

Mikhail Gorbachev goes to lesbian taco

Along with 47 people named Alex at my job, there are also 15,000 men named Michael in my department. As a result, we call them all by their last names, and then anytime someone says, "Mike," I'm all, "Who?" One... Read more →

Wherefore art thou, rodeo?

Sometimes I feel like I'm the last blogger. Back in 2008, everybody had a freaking blog. Now it's crickets out there. And let's face it, I'm not really that stick-to-it kind of a gal. But here I still am. Officially... Read more →

Where Ellen DeGeneres gets on 20-year-old skinny June

My cousin Maria sent me this picture and I've never seen it before. I know from that nice perm that I am 20 years old there. This is the summer I met Marvin and he didn't like me. LOOK HOW... Read more →

Your rotten personalities revealed

It is almost 10 o'clock at night and I'm at work, still. I'll be here forever, I am not even kidding you, so I decided to tally and report your answers from the personality test I gave you while I'm... Read more →

What stupid, horrific personality do YOU have?

Today we're all gonna take a personality test and report the results here. I will tell you what you all said tomorrow. Please answer me by 9 p.m. Eastern time today. Google "What time is it in Eastern time?" if... Read more →

The one where June has too many pets

Last night, after work, one of the Alexes invited me to go to her apartment building to do yoga. I realize it's probably immoral to partake of free yoga when one does not pay rent to live in the building... Read more →

ForgotTitle

When Ned and I weren't letting love lift us up where we belong this weekend, we were playing with an app. I know. We've turned into those people. We might as well get a leather sectional. It's called Karen, and... Read more →

June and Ned Get High

The holiday weekend yawned before us with nary a plan, which was delightful news because we'd both had harrowing weeks at work. "I can't TELL you how happy I am to be home with nothing to do," Ned kept telling... Read more →

If Ned and Marvin got in a fight, who do you think would win?

Last night, I was still at work because HELLO BUSY when Ned emailed me. "I'm not going to the gym tonight; I'm coming straight home. Want to go out to dinner?" I guess he read my blog yesterday. Now I... Read more →

Here's to you, Mrs. Gardens

We've been back from Michigan for nine days. About nine MINUTES into our return, Ned had unpacked and put his suitcase away nicely. I don't even know where his suitcase lives. In his closet? Unsure. Hey. I'm unpacked, at least.... Read more →

Comment drama, and dog drama too. Plus, a migraine!

Yesterday's comment section was most dramatic. I got a migraine, and did not check them all night, so when I got up this morning, I was all... Yesterday, I asked you what you wish your significant other was doing that... Read more →

June, feat. the inability to shut up

Hey, Sandy: Oh my god, in love with self. From now on, I'm calling you all Sandy Schwinkendorf. A name that rolls off the tongue. At work, we have this private Facebook group where we can link to ideas and... Read more →