Last night, after work, one of the Alexes invited me to go to her apartment building to do yoga. I realize it's probably immoral to partake of free yoga when one does not pay rent to live in the building that gives you free yoga, but I'm a scofflaw.
"I'm leaving to do yoga," I said to my coworker Ryan. "Namamste."
"Namaste here and finish this up," he said, then smiled at the camera like he was Mr. Roper.
That photo of Ryan is from last winter, when I ran into him at a screening of The Big Lebowski. He's having a white Russian, and probably burned the calories from it watching the movie. I hate not being 25.
Anyway, I screamed home and fed everyone and gave poor Tallulah her meds. She's finally off pain pills, so she doesn't lope around the house with dark glasses on like a movie star on a downward spiral. Then I screamed into some yoga clothes and started walking.
Alex doesn't live that far, maybe a 15-minute walk, and I was trying to get my steps in. Yes, I know I have a Fitbit problem. The guy who sits next to me already had a step intervention with me.
The point is, just as I was leaving my house, I heard, "Hey, girl, let me shout at you." It was that comedian Ryan again, trying to get home from work. He lives on the same street as me. Apparently yesterday he was on fire with the lines.
Then after that, I walked past a young guy who didn't SEEM crazy, but he said, "Hey!" as we crossed paths. "Wait up!" he said.
Oh, god. Was I about to be murdered and dragged through a field? I was on a busy road, so I doubted it. But what about that famous case in New York where the woman got murder-ered and no one helped? It was the opposite of Shake and Bake. "And weeee helped." Do you remember that stupid commercial?
Anyway, I kept walking and did not acknowledge the guy, and as I turned in to Alex's parking lot, he said, "Have a good night. Do you think I could call you sometime?"
I mean. It's tough when you have All This.
"No, you may not," I said to him, like the sexy school marm I am. "Have a good night, though." Because I understand wanting All This. Heaven knows I do.
It turns out, I didn't need to rush over there as fast as I did, because the class didn't start till 6:30. "Well, now we have awhile to kill," said Alex. "I got this small bottle of wine when I moved in here. You want some?"
I can't understand a person who'd have a teensy cute bottle of wine in their refridge for a month.
So, that's how I ended up going to yoga with a glass of wine in me, which is a first. The instructor looked oddly like me, and had I taken my purse down there Ida made her pose with me. She had total June hair and a total June nose, and the only difference was her utter ability to bend in every direction ever invented. That is where we had The Great Divide. Oh, and the fact that she wasn't drunk.
Here I am, headed home from Alex's. I mean, you'd harass me, too, right? Can we all chip in so I can have eye surgery? Geez. With the eyelids.
What's sad? My hair's not that different after sleeping on it.
Speaking of sleeping, I just noticed my whole immediate family on the bed. Cutest family portrait, ever. I wish the bedroom weren't so dark in the morning. I mean, lots of times it isn't, but today it looks rainy out and I'm trying to capture CUTEST FAMILY PORTRAIT, GOD. Geez.
Tallulah often seems suspicious.
I'd better get in the shower, so my hair looks normal for work.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh! Hah! That was a good one.
All right, I'm going. Oh, but say. Does anyone have any idea how long it takes for credit agencies to know what you're up to? Last month, on the 19th, I paid off a second credit card and I get this monthly credit report, and it's STILL NOT ON THERE that I've paid off that card, which annoys me. I DIDN'T DO IT FOR FUN.
Let me know, credit gurus.
Namaste,
June
