Ned sent me this picture of Lily last night. When NedKitty disappears behind this curtain, she's a regular Wizard of Oz, so hide-y is she. Lily doesn't quite have the hide-all-your-parts part fleshed out. that not true. yu not see lillee.
We had to work out the logistics, as I am staying there tonight and tomorrow night to pet-sit my own pets. When I get there, Ned will be gone. I know I said I didn't think I could stay there, bu in fact I'm fine with it. I think. If I were Ned, I'd leave two champagne glasses in the sink, or a whole slew of condoms on the nightstand. But Ned is not as diabolical as me.
Last night I got my hair colored at a new place, because two times in a row at my OLD place, the guy who did it screwed it up. I mean, he said to me--twice--"I screwed this up. I have to put a toner on you." So I lost confidence in him.
This time my stupendously good-looking coworker Austin recommended HIS hairdresser, and I was kind of hoping if I went to her I'd suddenly get 12-pack abs like Austin, who by the way eats entire raw vegetables at work like it's a thing. You never run into him at the vending machine deciding on a Kit-Kat or, say, a Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cup. Have you HAD those yet? Oh, mother of pearl. Go. Shut off this computer and go.
I'm just assuming it's his 'do and not his dedication to CrossFit that makes him all good-looking. Right? Is it really spelled CrossFit like that? Because do you know what I am SickOf? Words becoming TwoWords with capital letter in TheMiddle like that. Every company names their everything TwoWords like that now. StopIt.
Anyway, as evidenced 200 paragraphs above, the hairdresser resides in an old mill, as everything here in North Carolina resides in an OldMill, because of cotton. Now those old mills are gone, abandoned. Because of China or wherever.
In fact, I work in an old mill. I wonder if, 100 years ago, there was some woman who every day traipsed to the very mill I work in, after she blogged.
The point is I love my new hairdresser, and it was not her fault that I was in there FORFUCKINGEVERRRRR. I got there at 5. Got home at 8:15.
We had to do my roots, which, hello Gray Gardens. Then we had to highlight me, then we had to wash my hair, then pull pull pull it straight, then she said, "Do you mind if I tweak it just a little more?" and she got out the scissors. At this point she looked like a delicious duck dinner, like when Bugs Bunny is lost at sea with Daffy. Did that happen or am I making that up? Do you recall someone--maybe Elmer Fudd?--picturing Daffy as a delicious dinner?
Anyone who can find that gets a yodeling pickle from me.
And "gets" is a loose term.
Anyway, she was tweaking my hair, and I thought about how delicious pizza rolls sounded, and finally she was done, and gave me the mirror so I could see the back of my head. Seeing the back of your head is a very big deal for hairdressers.
"Do you mind if I clean up a bit and walk out with you?" she asked. Mother of god. I said okay, because it was late and the mill was pretty much abandoned.
"Oh, and I recommend this product to you..." she began.
"I'll TAKE IT," I said, just wanting to go. It's a spray for your roots, though, which I totally need because in a week I'll have snow on the silver mountain again.
I handed her my card and she told me the total, and I told her to add a tip, and she handed me back my card. "That'll be $50," she said.
"No it won't," I said. I had cut, color, highlights, a blowout AND a product. She was off my about $982. "Oh my god, you're RIGHT," she said. "What did I DO?"
I should offer that I LOVED her, she was great, and she was also 8 months pregnant, which apparently fucks with your brain. One of my smartest friends was pregnant once--it was mine and I so hightailed it to Mexico--and she was eating a Fig Newton and asked, "These are great. What's IN them?"
Anyway, I felt the two remaining calories in my body leave as she re-slid my card. Then she couldn't FIND my card to give it back to me, and lifted her book, and another book, and opened a drawer, and I was ready to cry. We finally located it and then she said, "We should really schedule your next visit. When I get back from maternity, I'll be booked forever."
So then we had to get out those books, for this year and next, figure out a date, and pencil me in. Then she had to ADD IT TO HER PHONE and really, I started to wonder if hair dye was edible. Could I just shoot some down my gullet? Would that be okay? Just to tide me over.
At least Kaye's house is only TWENTY MINUTES AWAY. Oh my god.
Here I am, with my new hair, which looks a lot like the old hurr. Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss. I really need to get new song references. Please note that by the time I got home and took this photo, I had kwashirkor.
So that was my day, and now I'm headed to another one. I'm headed to the mill, so sew cotton or whatever they did at mills. It makes about as much sense as "I brand content for optimal content branding of your content."
XO,
JuneGardens
