Maybe other people would find it depressing to live alone in a pet-free house after a breakup, but I gotta tell you, I just loves it.
That's a line from The Color Purple. Celie asks Shug how Shug can stand to sleep with Mister, and Shug says, "I just loves it."
If you didn't see The Color Purple, that whole sentence was gobbeldygook. I know a person who constantly tells stories about people you've never heard of as if you should know who they all are. "Greg told me he's seeing a therapist." "Who the fuck is Greg?" "Oh, he's my dentist." I mean, HOW WOULD I KNOW THIS? Why don't you say, "My dentist told me..." or "My coworker said.."
Anyway, I just loves it. I don't know how YOU recover from things ("PJ says she recovers from things by..." "Who the hell is PJ?" See, I don't do that. I say "a reader." "A reader tells me she has sex with her husband six times a week."), but for me, the thing I do after is isolate. Preserve myself in amber. I mean, I'm in that HORRIFIC OPEN FLOOR PLAN all day, so people people people people all day long FUCK ME, and I did talk on the phone to my friend Nadja for the whole drive home yesterday, but then I got here and bliss. Silent bliss.
This entire time I've been blogging at you, my former spouse Marvin has been texting me weird names of people he keeps finding on Facebook. Someone with the last name Rotund-Tushmie. Someone named Janpledawarbaangerrujigu Angar-ijuut, and in parentheses she calls herself "Warba." "Why not just Jan?" asked Marvin.
"Janpledawarbaangerrujigu told me that she..." I told Marvin just now to stop texting me, as he KNOWS it's my blog time. He started this nine years ago. He should know.
Speaking of people texting me, The Tall Boy did so this weekend to see how I was doing. Which was nice. "Who's The Tall Boy?" "Oh, he's this person I dated for 28 days, like a menstrual cycle, and then we got over that and became friends."
Anyway, at some point in the coversation, he found his emojis on his phone.
I told him "rectangle back at ya." And then I found a rooster and a lollipop. Have a good weekend, [rooster/lollipop]," I wrote, feeling myself deeply. Seriously, I was giggling like an idiot.
Chicken pop. Good gravy. Feline cutlery. Emojis are stupid.
Oh, but the only thing is? She says, going back to the topic of living here completely alone like she hasn't talked about 80 other things since then, is I keep thinking there are cats. I hear the heater click and I assume cat walking somewhere. I see something out of the corner of my eye, and to me it's gonna be a cat. Kaye had two cats who lived here till they got old and died. I wonder if they haunt the place? I would love them. I would love the ghost kitties.
I like how my phone identifies Tall Boy as "Tall" when we're texting, like that's his first name. And we weren't talking at 7:30 on a weekend morning. It was more like 4:00. But that's when I took these screenshots. See what I do for you people?
Oh, and you asked to see what color I got at yesterday's pedicure, so hang on...
I'm so texting Marvin to tell him to be sure to read my blog today. Do we know anyone who has a problem with cankles? We should call him or her, too. Do you have any friends who have weird phobias or things they just can't stand? My friend Donna hates the word "toilet" and also "rash." She also hates rashes. Not just the word, the thing. Rashes, the thing. I should be a writer.
Look what else Marvin sent! Along with another Facebook name: This one was Ms. Blazin Badonkulous. Anyway, Henry. Look at him. He's never taken a bad picture even once in his orange life. Oh, Henry. See what I did, there?
I'd better start driving to work. It takes 20 minutes from here, as opposed to 6 from my last house. My house that I own has a similar 6-minute commute, so I can't complain about that. Although I will. I'm really starting to plan my move back. Ima repaint the bookshelves, just to freshen them up, and one of the Alexes is gonna help me paint the bedrooms. I want to paint them a color I love and that everyone else will hate. Or at least that I love. Hooo care what anyone else thinks? No one's ever gonna see those bedrooms anyway, except the dogs, who are colorblind. I wonder, if I let Edsel and Tallulah pick the colors, what they'd pick? I feel like Talu would pick some goth, senstive, Pink Floyd Is There Anybody Out There color, and Edsel would paint his room tinsel.
I will talk to you later. I wish I could have covered more things in this post.
XO,
Blazin Badonkulous
